Thirteen-term Republican Virginia Delegate Robert G. Marshall’s dream of only being surrounded by penises in public restrooms as far as the eye can see is now officially dashed thanks to his loss to transgender victor in the 2017 Virginia elections, Danica Roem. Marshall has long preached against a grab bag of LGBT issues from marriage to adoption, but most famously, he got the ball rolling on the failed “bathroom bill” specifically targeting transgender men and women. God made the glory hole for one reason and one reason only. Where’s the glory now I implore you.
The seventy-three-year-old Marshall’s history of polarizing remarks all but ensured that he would fail his reelection once someone like Roem stepped up to the plate. The thirty-three-year-old former journalist reportedly knocked on over 70,000 doors even though her district includes just over 50,000 voters. She also enjoyed over a half-million dollars in donations from feverish liberal supporters – something her conservative skeptics are quick to criticize. Can’t she be more like Trump and win without the use of money?
Most people sharing articles on social media related to Roem’s historical representation in the Virginia House of Delegates don’t know anything about her – she could have stapled a baby to a wall for all I know, but probably not – but in the wake of Trump backlash, Roem could have pretty much been a porcupine wearing a rainbow flag bandana and have gotten elected. According to The Washington Post, in 2006 Marshall coined himself the “chief homophobe” of Virginia, and preached the biological disposition dictating the need for a female parent:
For example, a woman’s arm is constructed at a certain angle so that she can adequately cradle a baby. This is the way we’re created. There are just certain things that nature intended. I know that might not be a popular view around here, but there is a created order that we must all follow.
Elected officials speaking like the preacher from There Will Be Blood is always going to be hit or miss. Most likely, concessions will have to be made on both sides if people are going to stop walking around with sand in their grundles. Or maybe once concessions are made everyone will be miserable all the time. Either way, get ready for a lot more Roems – and possibly one big Roem in three years – in D.C. if the Marshalls out there can’t stop sounding like their conviction is contingent on surviving rattlesnake bites during religious rituals in Kentucky trailer parks. Medially procured vages in men’s restrooms is just one of a myriad of issues on the Republican docket – which I thought was going to include me not having to pay taxes to support crack heads and chronic masturbators – and if you’re really obsessing about what goes on in men’s restrooms for decades on end, um, you’re gay dude.
Photo Credit: Danica Roem / Facebook