Hope you’re sitting down for this one – an older man and younger-ish woman are splitting up in Hollywood after the younger-ish woman had something to gain from dating the older man. This world we live in. According to Entertainment Tonight, twenty-seven-year-old actress Jennifer Lawrence and forty-eight-year-old director Darren Aronofsky have called it quits after dating for about a year and working together on Oscar bait Mother! Aronofsky’s Transitions Lenses make him look like the pedophile that, at this rate in Hollywood, he honestly probably is, while we’re all aware that Jennifer Lawrence has all the appeal and charm of a Rosie O’Donnell skin tag. A win-win for the ex-couple. While pimping Mother! the duo couldn’t stop doting on each other, with Aronofsky stating:
Well, I don’t know what makes her great — maybe it was her parents, maybe it was the Kentucky water. I have no idea, but she’s, like, a once-in-a-generation talent, and just a whirlwind and a hurricane and an earthquake and a thunderstorm of talent.
Code for “Any pussy in a storm.” Being from Kentucky, Lawrence was obviously sexually abused by her father, leading her to fall for a man who, again, honestly looks like the textbook thumbnail for a middle-aged child molester. Not even funny, just, true. The fact that he helped bolster Lawrence’s street cred with Mother! after Passengers’ weak box office haul proved that she’s about as bankable post-Katniss as a peep show starring Amy Schumer? Coincidence! Lawrence did her part in making interviewers vomit when recalling the first moment she knew she wanted to receive Aronofsky:
I had a crush on him when he pitched to me, and that was like a year before we started rehearsing, but he was a professional, which only made it worse for me. We just kind of formed a friendship. He knew how I felt. He never told me how he felt. I mean, I assumed. We just formed a friendship and then the friendship turned into a partnership for the movie, once we started working. And then once the movie was done, I was like, ‘All right! You’re my boyfriend.’
All right! As Lawrence works her way down the dick ladder of Hollywood it will be interesting to see where she ends up. Crying in her changing room on the set of a Crackle original series in three years wondering where things went wrong? A possibility.
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