An undertaker – a perfect fit for her career. No. The lucky guy now dating Amy Schumer and as a result at the receiving end of endless lectures about empowerment and tampons is none other than chef Chris Fischer. The pairing of Hollywood’s resident Kirby and someone who prepares food for a living seems like a dangerous Hansel and Gretel situation in the making that could get very ugly very fast. Fisher looks to be already somewhat established, with tens of thousands of Instagram followers and some cookbook with a four out of five star rating on Amazon. Made it. Even if his career was full-blown tanking, Fisher will luckily never be out of work as long as he’s dating a garbage disposal. Maybe this is a match made in heaven.
Schumer has weirdly been out of the news recently even though loosely defined sexual assault allegations seem like they’d totally be her thing. She recently starred alongside the dried apple doll version of Goldie Hawn in the critical and box office bomb Snatched – which marked a departure from her early seemingly infallible career success. Aside from a lull in her professional life (she’s apparently now on Broadway but who the fuck cares), Schumer has been shunned by the wokest of woke recently, and Buzzfeed even verified that teens categorize her as “not cool” because “teens are quick to sniff out problematic stars.” Like, totally problematic #overthrow #ootd. Schumer’s recent choice in man meat all but solidifies the fact that she’s finally given up and will next be seen getting dragged through the streets New York City as a float in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. But guys, she’s still a size six. Get your facts straight.
Photo Credit: Amy Schumer / Instagram, Chris Fischer / Instagram