Among the downsides of teen drinking never discussed in high school assemblies with uninspiring guest speakers — death by waves of bullets from a pissed off Mexican drug warlord.
Juan Rosales, technically Juan Luis Lagunas Rosales, as Mexicans make up for being broke-ass with robust nomenclature, dropped out of school at fifteen to pursue his career of becoming a drunken buffoon YouTube star. Drunken buffoon is not a pejorative. Rosales literally intended to become famous for being crazy drunk and stupid online. It’s the chromosomally-challenged fat guy version of showing your tits.
By seventeen, Rosales and his drinking til you puke or pass out and saying stupid shit videos were killing it across social media. He became the fucked up clown of choice to invite to your party as the famous viral video drunk ass. Eventually, he reached the pinnacle of fame for idiotic reasons with features as the borracho in Mexican music videos. Find a need and fill it. Success mantra as old as time.
Rosales became more and more full of himself, given that he was a teen, famous, and drunk. That’s a bad recipe in any part of the world. In Sinaloa, Mexico, it’s kind of cool, until you get wasted and tell the local murderous drug look to, roughly translated, “suck my cock” in a posted video. There is no Spanish word for Mulligan.
The drug cartel leader in question, El Mencho, not to be confused with El Chapo who came before him, is known as the most ruthless, murderous, comer in Mexico. That’s quite a distinction. Like being the sluttiest chick at a Bronx high school. These titles aren’t handed out willy-nilly.
This past Monday, Rosales was chugging drinks with his teen buddies at a Jalisco bar when a bunch of armed dudes burst in and started plugging him full of holes. The cops had to use Rosales’ arm tattoos to identify his body after the shooting. That’s not something a mother needs to know. Thankfully she had ditched him at age three. Police had the audacity to say they’re not clear on the motive of the killing. An odd thing to say after a drunk guy flips off a drug kingpin and ends up with a dozen and a half bullets in his face and torso. Ah, Mexico.
Rosales’ murder allowed for the media in Mexico to do what it does so well in the U.S., handwringing. Over the celebration of a idiotic drunk teenager turned Internet star entirely too young and too stupid for his fame. Not like we don’t see similar tales in America. Only instead of bullets they end up with Kevin Spacey gropings. Hard to say which fucks you up more long term.