Prosecutors Going After Shkreli’s Wu Tang

You may recall that shortly before being found guilty of securities fraud, pharma weasel Martin Shkreli couldn’t wipe that creepy shit eating grin off his face. After his guilty verdict, same shit eating grin. Prosecutors are doing their best to erase that self-satisfied mug by seizing and freezing Shkreli’s assets in an amount equal to what he’s expected to be nailed with in fines in his upcoming sentencing hearing. About $7.3 million in ill-gotten gains.

Based on his personality type, you knew Shkreli spent most of his money in the manner of Johnny Depp, rare and expensive novelty shopping to serve his damaged ego. This included his two million dollar purchase of the single-copy of the last Wu Tang album, “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin”, a Picasso, a World War II era rare Enigma cyphering machine, and a Lil Wayne album. The latter worth only about ten bucks, but seize it all, motherfuckers.

At the time of his Wu Tang Clan winning bid, Ghostface Killah of the group was particularly peeved their lone album was going into the hands of the dude who jacked up the price of The AIDS drugs. Shkreli and Killah beefed back and forth in one of the least impressive social media rap-adjacent wars in history. Later, Shkreli was remanded into custody post-verdict for using Twitter to encourage people to grab live hair from Hillary Clinton’s head. Somewhat random. Also tremendously boner killing.

Shkreli’s lawyers are desperately trying to keep their client’s Wu Tang album, perhaps for the time they sue him for unpaid legal fees. They argue that securities fraud or not, Shkreli never lost investors any money and doesn’t deserve asset forfeiture of any kind. Like Belichick claiming his Spygate didn’t hurt any Patriots so where’s your victim.

Asset forfeiture is a tricky business in a country built on revolt against such measures. Yet, everybody hates tiny men with arrogant streaks. It’s a toss-up. If that Wu Tang Clan album hits the public streets, people are bound to discover they didn’t put very much time into it.

_{Photo credit: Twitter / TMZ}