Sarah Palin – I Can See My Son’s Reckless Assault From My House

While Sarah Palin didn’t actually say the timeless Saturday Night Live zinger “I can see Russia from my house,” her family is actually hot white Alaska trash, and this weekend her oldest son Track Palin was arrested for the second time in a couple years for domestic battery. As always, if you are hot white Alaska trash and are offended by “hot white Alaska trash,” please let yourself be heard in the comments. We take these matters very seriously. Via TMZ:

Track Palin was reportedly arrested Saturday in Wasilla, Alaska and arraigned on 3 separate charges — felony burglary, misdemeanor reckless assault, and misdemeanor criminal mischief for causing up to $500 in property damage. 

Sarah Palin could be living off of polar bear flesh on an ice floe somewhere and no one would know or care, so she should be thankful that her son is basically Maury Povich or Dr. Phil’s wet dream and still doing the family name proud by nabbing headlines. He probably said “Catch me ousside” before going apeshit. The twenty-eight-year-old Track Palin’s previous run-in with the law occurred in 2016 when he attacked a woman while intoxicated and in possession of a firearm. With the last detail being redundant for people living in Alaska. 

As someone from Appalachia it’s nice to see my kind of people reflected in the news every once in a while. I’m not going to be wearing a slutty black dress to a Hollywood event to protest sexual misconduct in Hollywood, but I will be going home for Christmas, where I’ll see at least three cases of domestic battery in the Krystal parking lot adjacent to my parent’s meth lab. And like Palin, the perpetrators might even be suffering tragic mental complications from serving our country. Stars, they’re just like us.

^{Photo Credit: Getty}