Ha. Haha. HAHAHA. Even though I might be blown up by a missile in four minutes, I’m already counting 2018 as a win, because it will be known as the year that pile of Miss Piggy’s droppings, Lena Dunham, is single again after dating Jack Antonoff for five years. According to one of our beloved sources, the two had a “mutual” breakup back in December of 2017:
It was mutual. Jack and Lena were growing apart and it just made sense for them to end their relationship where it was. They want the best for each other no matter what. They are both moving on.
Antonoff is like if you threw every coffee shop ever, every zine ever, every Urban Outfitters ever, every white person in Brooklyn ever, and every member of Maroon 5 ever into a blender together. So it makes sense that he could put up with being emasculated by Dunham’s feminist folds for five years. But a man’s a man, even if just barely, and at some point you just have to step back and say, ew.
Dunham’s relationship and the endless PDA opportunities that it afforded her were crucial to her platform over the past few years. Dunham revelled in the criticism she received for her unflattering Instagram selfies and NSFEyeballs nude scenes on her HBO series GIRLS. Critics’ responses only fueled her meandering self-serving causes for body positivity or equality or empowerment or whatever kept her in the headlines. But her all-but-self-admitted gross-out factor was always cushioned by the fact that at the end of the day, she was with a relatively attractive guy. She pushed her romantic relationship as a way to validate a public persona that she pushed off the ledge of likability years ago. Now, without the believability that she can be desired, Dunham is just another single chick consistently on the receiving end of injustice. What would Roseanne have been without Dan? A hell of a lot more likable than Dunham.
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