People look so much better with tattoos. Said no one ever who isn’t a Dolly’s Splash Country Water Park gold card holder, drug dealer, porn star, hipster, or lot lizard based out of a Love’s truck stop off I-95. Or, apparently, Scarlet Johansson. I’ll never quite understand the impetus for getting tattoos, especially ugly as shit ones, so you can imagine my surprise at seeing the ink that Scarlet Johansson bravely showed off at the Avengers: Give Us Your Money Assholes world premiere.
Johansson – who plays Black Widow – basically pulled a Ben Affleck, because while people previously thought that her tats were fake and for a role, turns out world, they’re real. Real shit-tay. She went for the tried-and-true roses as well as a lamb, and I really hope she doesn’t think her tats are in any capacity elevated above a huge cross commemorating a shooting victim or God forbid Tweety Bird. Because they’re not. They’re… fucking heinous. At least now we know why Johansson got so riled up about equality and periods and stuff during the Women’s March. The poor thing was #MeToo-ed by a tattoo artist. Or he just innocently looked at her new haircut and assumed she was a member of Hell’s Angels.
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