Britney Spears is my spirit animal. She’s on a planet of delusion I wish I could inhabit. Spears soaks her existence in the proverb “ignorance is bliss” and terrible spray tan. She may possibly be the happiest half baked mildly roasted blonde woman to ever walk this Earth. She somehow still manages to smile even though her face is slowly morphing into that of Vince McMahon’s. Britney wants everyone to know that not remembering anything is the key to being happy. According to philosopher Spears, if forgetting really is the key to happiness, everyone at the retirement home with Alzheimer’s disease must be some of the most gleeful people around.
I’d like to know who is serving Britney happy hour Xanax with Zoloft fused cocktails that’s causing memory loss and happiness as a side effect. She must be quickly forgetting what she looks like after staring in a mirror. Because she’s turning into one of those women that only look attractive to men from Texas. Strong jawed Barbie dolls with skin the same texture as beef jerky. But if you come from the Lone Star state you’ll still bang it because it has blonde hair and closet full of clothes with rhinestones. Spears actually looks like southern royalty now, maybe she should look into an El Paso residency instead of Vegas after her new contract expires.
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