Bisexuality is something that boring female celebrities whip out when they’re looking for the “it” factor that wasn’t afforded by God-given talent. A long line of lesbian celebs from Rosie O’Donnell to Tom Cruise tells us that nothing is hipper than bumping soft shell crabs all night long. Why just look at parking lot tampon Kristen Stewart. Everyone should want to be more like her.
Anyway, Rita Ora is the latest celeb to pull an “I kissed a girl… and I liked it?!” in the form of her song “Girls.” In the song her and random crack whore Cardi B and some other skanks wax nostalgic about going lez. The ladies flirt with lesbianism for the thrill and male attention and not necessarily for the sort of primal lust Stewart feels towards distressed skinny jeans. Over the past decade such casual and one-note declarations of bisexuality have been labeled more “gay-baiting” and “exploitative” than “accepting” and “progressive” and so basically people are calling out Ora as the Neo-Nazi that she obviously is. And she must die. In reaction to her song, bisexual or fluid or lesbian or whatever singer something something who cares said:
Others joined in, stating that the days of conveniently dipping into coochie juicy for the eyeballs and clicks is no longer acceptable. Remember, this is 2018. Nothing is acceptable. And don’t you forget it h8ers. The cold hard truth is that bisexuality is fake and was invented by the fashion industry to sell expensive fedoras to Samantha Ronson. And now it’s just gotten out of control. Ya either straight, or ya gay. Everything in between in click bait. Nonetheless, Ora had to release some half-baked pointless apology:
— Rita Ora (@RitaOra) May 14, 2018
And now the world can rest easy because another assinine celeb scandal has distracted us from the fact that we’re all dying and nothing really matters. It’s been a rough Monday over here okay. Check out the full triggering and offensive lyrics to “Girls” below.