My level-headed coworker with more self-worth than I ever hope to possess just asked “Isn’t this what Kim Kardashian’s butt has always looked like?” Poor, poor, self-respecting co-worker. THIS is what Kim Kardashian’s ass has always looked like. THIS. THIS. Kim’s a fucking monster, but after her Groupon ass fillers have settled, and before they begin to break down, she has a grace period in which her ass is fat and smooth and Kris Jenner-approved. During these periods we get a glut of Insta ass selfies, and this latest one – promoting her jizz fruit perfume – has the Internet saying “Ya baby. Give me that big fat anus.” Or something. People are buying it. Which pisses me off. Because THIS. THIS.
The Jenndashians are so obsessed with having huge asses that simply acquiring snowman proportions through FDA-laughed at procedures isn’t enough. They need to stick their iPhone cameras up their twats to warp perspective and achieve angles that make us weep for the future of female body standards. Kim’s new Kimoji perfumes – available for $45 a pop – allegedly made $5 million in five minutes after their release without any advertising outside of social media. The line consists of three perfumes, and much like Kylie’s cum-encrusted makeup branding, two of the perfume bottles – one of a peach (like the one balanced on her ass in the pic) and one of a cherry – are embellished with a drippy white substance. No one’s really talking about the jizz element for some reason, but, you could call this perfume Kim’s semen-al work. More importantly, just remember, no matter what the media tells you, THIS. THIS. THIS.
Photo Credit: KKW Fragrance Photos From Instagram / Splash News