It won’t be long until people forget that July 4th once had to do with something besides getting that perfect tastefully whorey patriotic disgraced American flag bikini pic, but I’m okay with that as long as once a year we get footage of an Armenian prostitute flailing around on a wakeboard. This is an example of Insta sluts finally giving back to the community in a way that doesn’t spread HPV. And that’s the America I want to live in.
The only people who could possibly look graceful while being dragged through the water by a motorboat are gen X-ers named Kevin who like to catch gnarly powder or whatever in the winter and gnarlier waves or whatever in the summer and who make $5,000 a year total, and Kim, well she’s no Kevin. While taking a stab at wakeboarding in this video, Kardashian looks a baby manatee concentrating on taking it’s first ever shit, and of course the real icing on her botched cakes is when she plummets into the water. Our hearts go out to the local families affected by the ensuing tsunami created by the splash. Kardashian spends all of her energy projecting (what she perceives to be) a flawless existence on social media, so it’s just nice to see her being the oafish cow that we know she is. Happy birthday America.
Photo Credit: Instagram / Snapchat / Splash News