I’m trying to figure out if I hate Lindsay Lohan more than I hate the poorly disguised Nigerian phishing scams that occasional show up in my inbox. On one hand, Lindsay has never attempted to swindle me out of some money. On the other hand, she’s been a foreigner so long that she’s probably involved in some type of advance fee fraud and would send me ransomware if given the opportunity. The celebrity turned expat scammer has actually found a production company willing to risk their reputation and inadvertently making the contracting herpes look cool by giving her another chance at relevancy with a new reality TV show. Lindsay’s not good at anything anymore besides locating the liquor stores still open after midnight and hooking up with everyone who doesn’t speak English well. Because when you’re a famous lady of the night, the exchange of cash for bodily fluids don’t exactly require translator. Love in the backseat of a car shared between strangers is a universal language.
“Lindsay is telling pals that she has a signed deal for a new reality show,” said a source. “Bunim/Murray is producing, and it’s about Lindsay’s new beach club in Greece.”
The source added that the series — “a cooler, hipper, edgier ‘Vanderpump Rules,’ ” presumably with Lohan at the center as the Lisa Vanderpump-like character — will start filming at her new Lohan Beach House on Mykonos in August.
The source said the show will introduce Lohan and the central characters while the Mykonos scene is in full swing — and then, after the summer, will shift to follow Lohan and her crew going about launching a new location of the beach club. Reports have said Lohan is opening another location in Rhodes, Greece, soon.
If this new show isn’t called One Night Stands With Lindsay Lohan I swear I will be disappointed. We’ve seen everything that can possibly be seen when it comes to reality TV. Maybe if this new show blends Taxi Cab Confessions with Bachelorette it’ll be watchable. Lindsay drives around town looking to fall in love with the highest bidder for her evening services. All while spilling secrets into the camera about exactly how her career and looks took a left turn. It should be a full two episodes before she breaks down and attempts to drive her vehicle off a cliff into the Mediterranean Sea.
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