Ben Affleck is a far better man than me because there’s only a handful of things that I’m able to accomplish when I decide to go on indefinite benders. Cheat with hotter women than the one I’m already with is not one of them. I’m lucky if I manage to not hurl inside of the Uber on the way back to my mom’s basement. You would be mistaken to believe that a day-drinker, who eventually graduated into an all day drinker, only to finally become a professional alcoholic, would want to seek some help. No. Ben seeks better ass. Shauna Sexton is a Playboy model. Which genuinely doesn’t mean much since Hef died. Mostly because whoever runs his empire now thinks men in lingerie playing peek-a-boo with their penis qualifies as genuine hetero fantasy. I’m not saying Shauna is a man. All I’m saying is that her job title doesn’t automatically disqualify her as one. I hope she’s not tucking because this is good for Ben, and my eyes.
I guess Lindsay Shookus couldn’t hang. Ben always being around at last call was the last straw. But Ben is the real winner here. Shauna looks like she goes down smoother than Tennessee Whisky. And if you’re going to let alcohol slowly ruin your life you might as well have a woman with tits sweeter than strawberry wine by your side.
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