First off, why is it that hot girls go for the ugliest guys? Goddamn. Pete Davison is one ugly ass son of a bitch. As everyone already knows and doesn’t care about by now, nymphomanic Bratz Doll Ariana Granda and strung out ugly ass son of a bitch monster Pete Davidson became engaged in June after dating for four minutes entirely consisted of Grande slobbering all over Davidson’s alleged huge penis. Like in the movies.
SNL castmate Davidson has enjoyed a noticeable boost in popularity since the engagement announcement, and now has worked himself into the pages of GQ, where he looks like Sweetums the Muppet after a two-month meth bender. In the interview, Davidson confirms his unhinged-ness by stating that he proposed to Grande immediately after meeting her:
The day I met her, I was like, ‘Hey, I’ll marry you tomorrow.’ She was calling my bluff. I sent her a picture [of engagement rings]. I was like, ‘Do you like any of these?’ She was like, ‘Those are my favorite ones,’ and I was like, ‘Sick.’
Sick! He also says of being a kept Muppet:
She’s really sweet. She’s like, ‘This is our house,’ and I’m like, ‘You’re very nice for saying that. Thank you for letting me stay here.’ She’s like, ‘We’re getting married!’ And I’m like, ‘I know, thank you for letting me stay here.’…It’s like, we have six beanbags, but we have no forks—you know what I mean? We’re learning how to be adults. We’re having a really fun time.
Fun! Also, for the five-thousandth time, assures us that he’s the luckiest strung out ugly ass son of a bitch monster in the world:
The universe works in weird ways. All I know is that I’m the luckiest guy in the world.
Luckiest! Pete’s not going to make it out of this relationship alive.
Photo Credit: GQ