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Pete Davidson’s recent chit-chat with Howard Stern revealed, among other things, that he jerked off to Ariana Grande before meeting her. Alex I’ll take things a sexual predator says for a billion. Sometimes it’s nice to have private thoughts. Little secrets with ourselves. Could you imagine going on a date with a woman and telling her that you’ve been jacking off to her Instagram pictures for years? They didn’t put that in a Nicholas Sparks movie. Davidson didn’t get this memo about self-preservation, and I’m just surprised that we don’t have graphic details about his shit wiping habits yet. This isn’t just oversharing. It’s clinical:
I was jerking off to her before I met her. I’ve been [the guy who wasn’t dating Ariana]. I’ve been in the other shoes. Who knew I was practising this whole time?
The comment comes on the heels of Davidson previously stating “My dick’s forever hard,” in reference to his relationship with Grande. If Davidson wasn’t a strung out big-dicked ugly ass son of a bitch vampire, his latest comment to Stern could hit the ear differently. But as it stands, it’s the setup for a special vampire episode of To Catch a Predator. Davidson, possibly even more damningly, also revealed that he profusely thanks Grande for intercourse:
Any time we’re intimate, I’m always apologizing and saying thank you. I swear to God. I’m like, you’re awesome for doing this, thank you so much.
Isn’t this a huge turnoff? Wouldn’t the woman’s vagina wither up and die, but not before texting all her friends’ vaginas about the bizarre encounter? The lesson today is, find you a girl so mentally fucked from a bombing at her concert that she wants to be thanked for sex? Or something.
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