Only God Or Garner Can Save Ben Affleck Now

Rehab isn’t working. Ben Affleck is treating the facility like a free ride at a community college. I wouldn’t be surprised if the rehab that he enrolled in was actually a course at a community college, From Functioning Alcoholic To Functional Adult 101. Once he found out that showing up was optional, he booked it and never looked back. Naturally, his work-on-it from home sobriety, and lack of dedication to commitment is contributing towards his failure, but is sobriety really considered success in Hollywood? Especially when you no longer have unlimited access to both Jennifer Lopez’s and Garner’s vagina. Also Affleck stars in one of the worst movies ever made, Gigli. At this point, can you blame him for drinking to forget? But there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. Ben is working on swapping out one addiction for another, and right now, it’s duel between two possibilities. Reviving an old relationship with past lover Jennifer, or starting a new relationship with Jesus. Maybe a menage a trios with both is in order if he really wants to put down the bottle.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner stepped out at church with their children on Sunday after he completed 30 days in rehab.

“He went to church on Sunday with his family,” a source tells PEOPLE. The source adds that Affleck, 46, was smiling during the outing because the 30-day milestone means “he has reason to celebrate.”

It’s been 30 days sober for Ben, but he can easily fail his next piss test with flying colors if he keeps fooling around with Playboy models. They like to party. It’s rough abstaining from drinking for an entire month and all you got was a stupid coin. If Affleck has enough money to purchase a replacement liver, he should be allowed to ruin it every six months if that’s what makes him genuinely happy. As long as he’s not beating the kids and taking an Uber to most places, I don’t see the point in labeling a well lubricated man as problematic.

Photo Credit: Jen Garner at the premiere of ‘Nine Lives’ one of cinema’s greatest treasures from Getty Images /