A new season of “Magnum PI” starts this week, but most of us have never watched it (or even heard about it) because Magnum is now a woman’s show. The fact it’s not broadcast on Lifetime or Oxygen is a testament to what few heterosexual males tune-in looking for bikinis (don’t bother) that are miscounted in the ratings.
We know it’s a woman’s show bc the lead is cute and cuddly as opposed to the original man’s man Tom Selleck, who’s rugged and hairy. The salty butler character Higgins has been gender-swapped to a capable woman, and Magnum is made to care for things other than his buddies, his Ferrari, and his Hawaiian villa. I assume he still solves mysteries in under 48 minutes across the criminal cesspool that is Honolulu – or maybe he rescues dolphins, I don’t know.
Will there be small-scale explosions, PG nudity, and overt lessons on the sins of racism, sexism, ageism, and bad haircuts? Probably. Will anyone get shot in the head, crash their helicopter on an expensive set, or discover some acts of violence just can’t be solved with a feminine handgun and a smirk? Don’t think so (yall can tell us otherwise).
I wonder what would happen if men converted a beloved women’s show to fit our dynamic – and no we’re not remolding something toward “Baywatch” or “Archer”, which are cheesy and juvenile and lacking brain activity. “Jane the Virgin” would become “Jane the Slut” – or at least “Jane the Executive Cougar”. “Big Little Lies” would feature an attractive and racially diverse cast (okay, they’ve already got that started), who watch professional sports and drink and start/stop home renovation projects, instead of gossiping and therapy sessions and thoughtful songs. There would be more guns, off-road vehicles, and of course boobs – characters would be active getting things done and not just talking about how they feel in not getting things done. Women would actually pop the hood on their Italian sports-car, not just comment on the color.
True, Men get “Game of Thrones” and “The Walking Dead” and Michael Bay still makes movies – but these shows aren’t trying to convert anyone. Women watch “Sons of Anarchy” for the Bad Boys and their innate desire to become merciless queens of a biker gang, but it’s the same reason men check “P-Valley” (if you can get past the transvestites) – wish-fulfillment.
Here’s a round up of 34 year old Perdita Weeks, who plays the new and improved Higgins on the show. You can tell by the moustache.