Sophie Simmons in Lingerie

Sophie Simmons has the PERFECT response to body-shamers. I'm happy with the way I look. So fucking PERFECT. Gene Simmons' daughter just wants to show off her tits without all the comments. And not all of them complimentary. If equality is about anything it's about providing a protective emotional bubble around women such that they can say or do anything in public life and never be forced to face criticism or negative...read more

Nina Agdal Greased-Up Booty And Shit Around The Web

Nina Agdal isn't American. But we've allowed her into our nation because we have cocks and balls waiting at the shores for attractive women from overseas to arrive we just assume are easily duped. The West Coast is probably better in that regards. Europe is ruined since they got The Kardashians on satellite. No more ingenue au pairs.read more

Playboy No Go Nude

While not hosting compelling essays on recreational abortion, Playboy Magazine continues to post photographs of models no longer naked. Just nearly naked. Which points to their futility of editorial purpose and the hypocrisy of nearly naked women advertiser acceptance.read more

Zuckerberg Building a Wall

If there's one thing Mark Zuckerberg can't abide, it's inquisitive neighbors catching him masturbating to the porn stripped off his social media apps so there's more server space for Islamic jihadi communiques.read more

Red Cross Pool Safety Posters Bring Back Memories

The Red Cross wants everybody to know they are committed to inclusion and diversity of ethnic and racial minorities. Somebody has to play the role of malicious unruly child in their pool safety posters.read more

Soccer Players Get the Best Tail

There used to be some debate as to which professional athletes got the hottest tail. That debate ended when everybody admitted that soccer might be boring as shit, but playing professionally essentially guarantees you a slender brunette with big tits wearing screaming your name from the wives and girlfriend section of the stands.read more

Chelsea Handler Has the Best Abortion Stories

Chelsea Handler isn't just a rarely funny comedian. Sometimes the canned laugh track is muted and she wants to seriously talk abortion. In the latest issue of Playboy magazine which used to be for men, Chelsea Handler discusses the two abortions she had in the same year of high school because one is for girls who only thought they were loose.read more

Suge Knight Sues Chris Brown

Suge Knight is a real pin cushion of bullet holes. He is suing Chris Brown and Zika ridden 1Oak from behind bars because they didn't have adequate security during a Chris Brown party where Knight was shot up for the third time that week. Security Guard rule #1, don't let Suge Knight in the building. Failing that, someone's getting shot.read more

Johnny Manziel Finds New Rock Bottom

We're going to feel bad for laughing about Johnny Manziel when he's dead in six months but in the meantime we should make hay while the sun is shining. His attorney in his hit-and-run case just accidentally texted the entire Associated Press that Manziel is unable to sober up for a court appearance.read more

Channing Tatum Cops to Rape Culture

If you must ask somebody about the societal problem of sexual assaults against women, might as well grab Channing Tatum during a press tour and force him to speak to the issue. Cosmopolitan live-streamed an interview with Tatum from Cannes where they naturally asked him about Stanford swimmer Brock Turner's light sentence for trying to go Cosby on a passed out girl behind a frat house. Tatum quite impossibly further...read more

Ariel Winter Has A Nice Butt Too And Shit Around The Web

Ariel Winter wants to be thought of as more than just a pair of tits. She's also got a really nice ass. It's amazing what a healthy dose of body shaming Twitter rants will do to a girl's selfies once she loses some weight.read more

BET Awards Flummoxed Justin Timberlake

Jesse Williams who stars on Grey's Anatomy meaning that your wife or girlfriend knows who he is but you assumed he was a forward for the Pelicans, made a pointed speech about racism during his BET trophy acceptance for being black. Though not black enough that half the crowd wasn't yellow bones shaming him under their breath.read more

Mariah Carey Feathers Blac Chyna (VIDEO)

If you've ever been to a Vegas show and buy into a spur of the moment decision by the entertainer to bring a seemingly unaware volunteer up on stage, you're being duped. On the same level as the girl you called to come dance in your room who says she needs to bring her friend along because they're sharing an Uber. Every single moment of these big budget shows are staged and timed and rehearsed. Roy knew precisely when...read more

Brexit Vote Has Unhinged the Coeds

You can never go wrong choosing political positions the opposite to heavy set college girls marching in the street. They're obviously not marching enough. Voting gaps aren't as simple as crotchety old men versus vibrant muffin top millennials. It's a gap between those working a paycheck to feed family and nation and those arranging to meet their friends at The Coffee Bean at 10am for a morning klatch. Everybody was...read more

Kanye Movie 'Famous' Features Taylor Swift Naked and Ray-J Fucking His Wife (VIDEO)

Kanye West invited his entire herpes tree to the L.A. Forum to witness the premiere of his long form music video for 'Famous'. The short film was streamed live to all eleven paid subscribers on the Tidal music service that everybody was certain had gone under last year. The eight minute movie deals head on with the insurmountable odds of surviving fame and fortune. It turns out they are only slightly higher than those...read more