Chelsea Handler Run Hide Fight

The common through line of doleful celebrities lamenting the loss of Hillary Clinton is the intense focus of how the election results affected them personally. Less so how the Family First economic plan shall never be enacted. Whatever the hell that was. read more

Barbados Needs a Better Tourism Board (VIDEO)

Barbados is celebrating its 50th year of Independence from British colonial rule. That's the day they finally told the English to leave, then promptly created four-color travel brochures reminding them how much they secretly liked fucking black chicks. read more

The Arquettes Are Starting A Charity

From an outside perspective, Alexis Arquette seemed like a really annoying blowhard. She became obsessed with outing cloested gay celebrities while simultaneously having the closet AIDS. Given your shitty logic, you may have inflicted some harm on people, no? read more

Scientology Isn't Kidding

Scientology may be based on a series of Roger Ramjet cartoon plots, but they don't fuck around when it comes to protecting the name brand. Within moments of Leah Remini announcing her A&E Scientology documentary series, the Church produced a website to tell the true... read more

The Moon Ruined Buzz Aldrin

Walking on the moon as a relatively young man is like being captain of the football team and banging the hottest chick in high school. You've got a lifetime ahead of you and there's nowhere to go but down. Classic early peaking. read more

Oprah Winfrey Seems Like A Fucking Weirdo

Oprah Winfrey spackled a ton of makeup on and brought her gay husband and lesbian lover on the same vacation. Lacking basic self awareness, she also hired an overpaid photographer to document the whole thing. read more

Lindsay Lohan Shockingly Only 30

Lindsay Lohan is officially the youngest cougar on earth. It's almost like in porn where they only have teens and milfs. Certainly there should be an in between but apparently not. You just leap from one to the other. read more

Blac Chyna And Her Ass Strike Back And Shit Around The Web

Now that she isn't carrying Kardashian seed, Blac Chyna's ass is back in effect. read more

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Just Another Subjugation

Once you insist that your hot chicks in their underwear party is a "celebration of world cultures", you open the door for a wider range of critcism than merely the kneejerk charge of sexism. Victoria's Secret ruined a bunch of perfectly good international models camel... read more

Phoebe Price And Angelique Morgan Are Ruining Another Holiday

These two arthritic super-villains continue to roam the streets of the fair city unabated. Cheap body suits, Daisy Dukes, wigs, and thongs that must certainly smell like bad hummus. Which also smells like good hummus which makes the product extremely confusing. read more

Jennifer Aniston Vaguely Champions Something That Might Be Women's Rights

Jennifer Aniston went on Ellen to remind everybody that she has yet another shitty looking movie coming out for Christmas. It's a low ball comedy with lots of groin jokes. She's being paid millions. She also spent most of the interview playing Never Have I Ever about... read more

Taylor Swift Does Okay

Remember that time you made fun of Taylor Swift then you found out she made $170 million this past year? That's a lot of cheese for a bunch of mildly catchy country pop ballads. She didn't even have to fuck anybody. Literally, she didn't fuck anybody. read more