SI Late to the Bruce Jenner Lady Ass Kissing Party

Bruce Jenner didn't just get tits and a new wardrobe consultant. He became the touchstone media outlets to boost ratings and build LGBT bona fides under the guise of sports celebrity coverage. ESPN busted Bruce's cherry with their cynically chosen Arthur Ashe Courage Awards. The line of sloppy Caitlyn seconds was long and fierce. Entertainment outlets, fashion magazines, news channels, social organizations, all lined...read more

Devon Windsor in A Bikini

If you're tall and skinny and don't have an opinion either way about sweatshops in Myanmar, there's a sixty percent chance you've been signed by Victoria's Secret. The plus-sized model craze seems to be crazing slower than projected by breathless hyperboles in HuffPo's Yeast Infection vertical.read more

There's Something Odd About Men's Magazines

The state of men's magazines is flaccid. There are no major publications left available for men who don't wake up concerned with what to wear with the change in seasons. A couple or three corporate giants bought up all the magazines for men and decided that the only way to keep from going under was to be the variation of People magazine where you get to sell expensive watches.read more

Chris Brown Dropped By Publicist

Aside from being sued by his former manager Chris Brown is keeping his death pool stock strong and was just fired by his publicist Nicole Perna who is slightly below Brown on the morality scale. The trouble started when Brown was born and flared up this week over a text message.read more

Brandi Glanville Explains Screwing Schedule

Ex Real Housewives star Brandi Glanville revealed she has a list of random stunt cocks and ex-boyfriends she calls to service her with a weed whacker in times of need. There was zero demand for this information but the twelve women who still admit they watched that show should find this information titillating while they're undergoing dialysis.read more

Sophie Simmons in Lingerie

Sophie Simmons has the PERFECT response to body-shamers. I'm happy with the way I look. So fucking PERFECT. Gene Simmons' daughter just wants to show off her tits without all the comments. And not all of them complimentary. If equality is about anything it's about providing a protective emotional bubble around women such that they can say or do anything in public life and never be forced to face criticism or negative...read more

Nina Agdal Greased-Up Booty And Shit Around The Web

Nina Agdal isn't American. But we've allowed her into our nation because we have cocks and balls waiting at the shores for attractive women from overseas to arrive we just assume are easily duped. The West Coast is probably better in that regards. Europe is ruined since they got The Kardashians on satellite. No more ingenue au pairs.read more

Playboy No Go Nude

While not hosting compelling essays on recreational abortion, Playboy Magazine continues to post photographs of models no longer naked. Just nearly naked. Which points to their futility of editorial purpose and the hypocrisy of nearly naked women advertiser acceptance.read more

Zuckerberg Building a Wall

If there's one thing Mark Zuckerberg can't abide, it's inquisitive neighbors catching him masturbating to the porn stripped off his social media apps so there's more server space for Islamic jihadi communiques.read more

Red Cross Pool Safety Posters Bring Back Memories

The Red Cross wants everybody to know they are committed to inclusion and diversity of ethnic and racial minorities. Somebody has to play the role of malicious unruly child in their pool safety posters.read more

Soccer Players Get the Best Tail

There used to be some debate as to which professional athletes got the hottest tail. That debate ended when everybody admitted that soccer might be boring as shit, but playing professionally essentially guarantees you a slender brunette with big tits wearing screaming your name from the wives and girlfriend section of the stands.read more

Chelsea Handler Has the Best Abortion Stories

Chelsea Handler isn't just a rarely funny comedian. Sometimes the canned laugh track is muted and she wants to seriously talk abortion. In the latest issue of Playboy magazine which used to be for men, Chelsea Handler discusses the two abortions she had in the same year of high school because one is for girls who only thought they were loose.read more

Suge Knight Sues Chris Brown

Suge Knight is a real pin cushion of bullet holes. He is suing Chris Brown and Zika ridden 1Oak from behind bars because they didn't have adequate security during a Chris Brown party where Knight was shot up for the third time that week. Security Guard rule #1, don't let Suge Knight in the building. Failing that, someone's getting shot.read more

Johnny Manziel Finds New Rock Bottom

We're going to feel bad for laughing about Johnny Manziel when he's dead in six months but in the meantime we should make hay while the sun is shining. His attorney in his hit-and-run case just accidentally texted the entire Associated Press that Manziel is unable to sober up for a court appearance.read more

Channing Tatum Cops to Rape Culture

If you must ask somebody about the societal problem of sexual assaults against women, might as well grab Channing Tatum during a press tour and force him to speak to the issue. Cosmopolitan live-streamed an interview with Tatum from Cannes where they naturally asked him about Stanford swimmer Brock Turner's light sentence for trying to go Cosby on a passed out girl behind a frat house. Tatum quite impossibly further...read more