Paris Jackson Sings Just Like Michael Jackson If You're Deaf

When I saw a bunch of headlines pop up announcing that Paris Jacksons sounded just like her totally biological father Michael Jackson while performing with totally biological cousin Austin Brown in West Hollywood over the weekend, I thought "Duh, why wouldn't she. They're... read more

Sean Penn Couldn’t Stop Netflix Show Labeling Him El Chapo Snitch

How did Sean Penn get wrapped up in pointing the finger on how to find El Chapo? Like any great story involving sex, drugs, and a terrible ending, it starts with “that one time when I was in Mexico...” read more

James Packer Calls Mariah Carey His "Low Point"

Who knows what drives men to make horrible decisions regarding women in their lives. Minus pussy and a nice set of tits, naturally. read more

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Taylor Swift Inc. Naked Robot Thing

The brevity of Taylor Swift's relationships is finally making sense now that we know, thanks to her revealing new music video, that she, in fact, does not have a vagina. What we always suspected. Swift Inc.'s music video teaser posted to Instagram looks like an ad for a... read more

Shia LaBeouf Opts For Probation

How is it possible for someone to be so hardcore on camera and then not jump at the opportunity to attend a correctional vacation instead of a community service type sentencing. I’d imagine someone like Shia LaBeouf to be excited at the idea of playing naked gladiators in... read more

Billy Joel Still Knocking Them Up, town Girl

When you’re 68 you should be looking into which retirement homes have the most comfortable furniture, not seeing if your sperm can still swim. Age didn't stop Billy Joel from making another baby.  read more

Hollywood Agent Tyler Grasham Just Wanted to Love the Boys

A number of young actors and boyishly handsome employees in the film business joined a chorus of sexual harassment and sexual assault charges against Hollywood talent agent, Tyler Grasham read more

Lindsay Lohan Feels Left Out

When all the sexual harassment victims told Lindsay Lohan she couldn’t sit with them at the #MeToo table because her harassment was so last season she took the burn book route. read more

Frank Ocean Wins Lawsuit From Father, Going to Have Awkward Thanksgiving

When a father who left your life only comes back to sue you for defamation I would assume any mug in his kitchen claiming he’s the “worlds greatest dad” is definitely a lie. read more

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Eminem Wins Greatest Rapper Of All Time

The inverted affirmative action rapper Eminem just won employee of the month indefinitely in Hip Hop. Stand up straight as you salute Sir Slim Shady as the greatest rapper of all time.  read more

Jeff Goldblum Wants Whatever Holly Willoughby Is Willing To Offer, Wink Wink

You should automatically expect anyone constantly dressed as GQ’s man of the month to try his luck with chicks all the time. No heterosexual man alive wakes up and purposely puts on a turtle neck without wanting attention from the opposite sex. read more

Kristen Stewart Lesbian Nipples For The Homeless

Anyone skeptical of the long-term effects of added hormones in our food just needs to look at these new pap pictures of Justin Bieber, who shows a dec rack while giving the homeless in Santa Monica what they really want. A healthy helping of nipples. While the fake news... read more