April Love Geary in A Bikini

April Love Geary posted a whole bunch of vacation photos of her tits and ass to remind the world why she gets to have Robin Thicke in his vests laying on top of her each night. It's like a quarterback showing off his college football championship rings after being traded to the Browns. We know you were once great.read more

Alessandra Ambrosio Has a Simple Strategy

Every media mention about Alessandra Ambrosio is related to what she's wearing or how great she looks. Living in Spandex is absolutely the way to go through life if you can get away with it. You'll be out of the lingerie game in five more years, but you'll have forty million American dollars buried in a cemetery in the hills outside your native city.read more

Kim Kardashian Sues Man For Being a Publicity Whore

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are preparing a legal suit against that bodyguard from the Met Gala who was fired on the spot by West for personally conversing with his porn star wife pre-event. Steve Stanilus took his pink slip and made forthwith to the Daily Mail for a tell all interview about Kim and Kanye. That violated Paragraph 1 of his signed NDA which states in 24 point Impact Bold font, shut the fuck up you...read more

Sexual Consent Apps Have Landed

Because you laughed not long ago about how someday you'd need a signed Memorandum of Understanding from a woman before proceeding with any sexual activity, here they are. Numerous technology start ups are now working with colleges to develop apps for students to use to codify sexual consent in verbal or written form. They have cute positive names like Good2Go and Yes to Sex, but mostly they are giant boner killing...read more

Justin Bieber's Music Shockingly Unoriginal

An indie musician named White Hinterland is suing Justin Bieber and producer Skrillex for sampling her vocals in Bieber's hit "Sorry" without giving her credit. If you listen to it, it's super obvious that Bieber's music sucks and also that she's correct. Hinterland is not an obscure musician, her songs have hundreds of thousands of hits and she's been mentioned in Rolling Stone.read more

Johnny Depp Not Down With Spousal Support

Amber Heard is demanding spousal support in her divorce from Johnny Depp which seems ridiculous after being married for a year and should definitely factor into the non-existent gender pay gap. If you count banging an old goth for a year as a job. Some women do. Heard is outspokenly independent and claims to subscribe to the ideals of narcissistic trust fund conservative Ayn Rand:read more

Camila Morrone in A Bikini

Models now routinely maintain eponymous websites where they deliver health and fashion and lifestyle advice based on the fact that they're in their 20's and really good looking. You could waste a ton of tuition dollars and work training hours only to discover nobody gives a shit about your professional advice. Or you could just be pretty and tell everybody about dangerous sugars hidden in fruits and the best place to...read more

Sara Jean Underwood Has a Job

Sara Jean Underwood has a job. Collecting followers on social media by way of the best outdoor recreational photos ever produced. This is not the hiking you imagine when overweight customer service reps reflexively list it as a hobby on their online dating profiles. Being hot and having amazing tits has always been a way to earn, it's just never had it's own SIC code.read more

Josephine Skriver In Various States Of Undress And Shit Around The Web

Josephine Skirver is one of those incredibly hot women that you could never attain from your post behind the Men's Counter at Macy's. They live in a level of hotness that only the likes of a DiCaprio can fuck. I think he just did. Get the blue light.read more

Corey Feldman Confirms Pedo Bear Alive and Doing Well in Hollywood

Earlier this week Elijah Wood noted the child acting business was overflowing with pedophiles who had assaulted the rectum of every kid in Hollywood not named Elijah Wood. That's the story I'd stick with too. Wood backed off his comments after a cadre of fifty-something men in Polanski masks circled him at Whole Foods and asked him if he'd like to keep working.read more

Rihanna Nipples Hard for Sneaker Dollars

Rihanna celebrated the release of her third round of marked up sneakers by walking around Manhattan showing off her panties and nipples. They're Pumas with thick rubber soles called "creepers" because that sounds better than "we ripped off Vans and nobody gives a shit".read more

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Lasted More Than a Year

Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp. They were married for fifteen months. Enough time for nine different celebrity magazine cover stories about their fabulous love affair. Heard cited irreconcilable difference. Most notably she's a thirty year old lesbian and he's a a fifty-two year old who mumbles incoherently.read more

Kylie Jenner Slowly Killing Herself

Doctors warn that cinching your waste up like this can damage your internal organs but so can performing double penetration at age 14 with the Death Row entourage. Kylie Jenner posted a bunch of photos of her waste training regimen which entails compressing your body in order to reshape it. Say what you will about bound feet but those women most likely didn't choose to do it. If they had, they'd have denied it.read more

Amy Schumer Strikes Back

Amy Schumer spends an inordinate amount of time engaging with trolls. If she's in fact supremely secure they seem to effect her more than your average suicidal goth teen. What's lost in the whole shuffle is the fact that everyone with a social media account gets a ton of hateful comments with the volume fluctuating relative to how many followers they have, although being opinionated or not being a 9 can lead you to...read more

Mr. Skin For A Lifetime, It's Ninety-Nine Bucks, That Seems Sweet

I'm not sure what happens when you die, but presumably unless you're famous, they're never going to notice. You can pass this shit onto your children and grandchildren on down the line. In 2237, some perfected version of you can be checking out naked celebrity chicks off that same ninety-nine bucks. Now that's a bargain.read more