Tomi Lahren Temporarily Unemployed

Tomi Lahren is a political commentator who just happens to look like a high end porn star. So, like any blond on Fox and maybe Wolf Blitzer. Lahren's one of those people who says incendiary things and pretends she doesn't understand why it's offensive. read more

Marci Wahl Jumps White House Wall for a Third Time and Shit Around The Web

White House fence jumper Marci Wahl is bat shit crazy, but surprisingly slender and good looking when washed. Her astrology healing videos are insane. She's also a Trump supporter. read more

Val Kilmer Gone Rogue

Depending on who you believe, Val Kilmer is either deathly ill or partying hard in the Hills on molly. He's either skinny as a death camp patron or fat as fuck and waiting on a heart transplant. The rumors swing both ways. Though never toward anything moderately healthy... read more

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Robert Blake and Pamela Hudak Seem Happy

It's wrong to assume that a woman only marries an elderly man for his creature comforts and amassed financial resources. Though it's true every single time. Think it on the inside, Johnny Full of Facts. read more

Amber Heard Humble Hero

Amber Heard recalls a crazy day seven years ago when she took the plunge and told an Ellen show website interviewer that she was bisexual. Obviously the reporter was also gay, as was everybody else within eight nautical miles of Ellen's re-imagined Isle of Lesbos luxury... read more

Ask Tyler: Start Swiping

Tyler:All my friends use tinder to get laid, but it never works for me. I'm not the best looking dude, but not the worst either. What am I doing wrong? read more

Hollywood Comes to the Rescue of Leggings Girls

You knew it would it would take some extraordinary turn of events to rip palatial living Twitter warriors away from their laser beams of 140 character anti-Trump truth. Done. read more

Demi Rose Not Without a Plan

This chick used to bang Tyga. That's the simplest way to express an entire character back story in one terse statement. Sexism doesn't happen in a vacuum. read more

Jon Gosselin Taking It All Off (VIDEO)

It was never clear what Jon Gosselin was doing to pay the rent after being booted by his baby mama and reality show in one fell swoop. Kate Gosselin was clearly the brains behind the child slave auction to TLC. read more

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Hailey Baldwin Isn't Really Pissing

Hailey Baldwin is super famous model for reasons nobody can explain with a straight face. She's the fifth hottest girl in her family. Nobody's heard her speak. That's as close as you may come to unraveling the mystery. read more

Ariana Grande Dick Bike

Every song Ariana Grande sings is a metaphor for getting fucked until she can't walk. You'd think with that literary premise her audience might be men who want to fuck her until she can't walk. read more

Cory Booker In Love With Mindy Kaling

New Jersey Senator Cory Booker is in the bullpen for next time the illuminati need a black guy. He's from Newark, the most crime ridden city in America. He's really into putting cameras everywhere to catch the bad guys. read more