Camila Morrone in A Bikini

Models now routinely maintain eponymous websites where they deliver health and fashion and lifestyle advice based on the fact that they're in their 20's and really good looking. You could waste a ton of tuition dollars and work training hours only to discover nobody gives a shit about your professional advice. Or you could just be pretty and tell everybody about dangerous sugars hidden in fruits and the best place to...read more

Sara Jean Underwood Has a Job

Sara Jean Underwood has a job. Collecting followers on social media by way of the best outdoor recreational photos ever produced. This is not the hiking you imagine when overweight customer service reps reflexively list it as a hobby on their online dating profiles. Being hot and having amazing tits has always been a way to earn, it's just never had it's own SIC code.read more

Josephine Skriver In Various States Of Undress And Shit Around The Web

Josephine Skirver is one of those incredibly hot women that you could never attain from your post behind the Men's Counter at Macy's. They live in a level of hotness that only the likes of a DiCaprio can fuck. I think he just did. Get the blue light.read more

Corey Feldman Confirms Pedo Bear Alive and Doing Well in Hollywood

Earlier this week Elijah Wood noted the child acting business was overflowing with pedophiles who had assaulted the rectum of every kid in Hollywood not named Elijah Wood. That's the story I'd stick with too. Wood backed off his comments after a cadre of fifty-something men in Polanski masks circled him at Whole Foods and asked him if he'd like to keep working.read more

Rihanna Nipples Hard for Sneaker Dollars

Rihanna celebrated the release of her third round of marked up sneakers by walking around Manhattan showing off her panties and nipples. They're Pumas with thick rubber soles called "creepers" because that sounds better than "we ripped off Vans and nobody gives a shit".read more

Amber Heard and Johnny Depp Lasted More Than a Year

Amber Heard filed for divorce from Johnny Depp. They were married for fifteen months. Enough time for nine different celebrity magazine cover stories about their fabulous love affair. Heard cited irreconcilable difference. Most notably she's a thirty year old lesbian and he's a a fifty-two year old who mumbles incoherently.read more

Kylie Jenner Slowly Killing Herself

Doctors warn that cinching your waste up like this can damage your internal organs but so can performing double penetration at age 14 with the Death Row entourage. Kylie Jenner posted a bunch of photos of her waste training regimen which entails compressing your body in order to reshape it. Say what you will about bound feet but those women most likely didn't choose to do it. If they had, they'd have denied it.read more

Amy Schumer Strikes Back

Amy Schumer spends an inordinate amount of time engaging with trolls. If she's in fact supremely secure they seem to effect her more than your average suicidal goth teen. What's lost in the whole shuffle is the fact that everyone with a social media account gets a ton of hateful comments with the volume fluctuating relative to how many followers they have, although being opinionated or not being a 9 can lead you to...read more

Mr. Skin For A Lifetime, It's Ninety-Nine Bucks, That Seems Sweet

I'm not sure what happens when you die, but presumably unless you're famous, they're never going to notice. You can pass this shit onto your children and grandchildren on down the line. In 2237, some perfected version of you can be checking out naked celebrity chicks off that same ninety-nine bucks. Now that's a bargain.read more

Kelly Osbourne Burns Her Dad's Hairdresser

When you desperately need to be in the news, you can't go wrong with outing the hair dresser who let your dad rub his flaccid cock up against her smock after a blow out.read more

Josie Canseco Is Virtually Naked In Playboy And Shit Around The Web

Josie Canseco is the extreme hottie that somehow came out of Jose Canseco's ball sack. She did some sexy shots for Playboy. Not naked, because Playboy is lame now, but still sexy.read more

Nicki Minaj Is a Beast

Nicki Minaj has received two nominations for the Teen Choice Awards. Neither of them had to do with wanting to lose your virginity in her ginormous fake ass. Let's just assume girls make up the bulk of the online voting. Minaj celebrated by posting pictures to Instagram of her exaggerated cartoon fuck toy body in lingerie.read more

Erika Jordan Red Bikini For Red Nose Day

I hate when people start celebrating Red Nose Day early. Red Nose Day is May 26, a day designated to celebrate a photo of a white guy hugged by half a dozen starving African kids. Not an entire week like the manner in which we honor God or public school teachers.read more

Tamar Braxton Too Ghetto

Tamar Braxton was booted from her co-hosting gig on the daytime talk show The Real for coming up "too ghetto" in show sponsor run focus test groups. Braxton, the fourth to fifth most successful Braxton singing sister, had been a mainstay on the show since its launch three years ago. The Real is "real talk" for women in the afternoons, meaning multiracial D-list celebrities bickering loudly about shit they saw on...read more

Britt Maren Almost Naked Free Person

Free People is the 'Bohemian' sub-brand for Urban Outfitters. It's unclear what is meant by Bohemian in the context of mass produced and transshipped factory garments. The t-shirts are eighty bucks and lack the imperfections of homemade tie-dye. The dresses are crocheted by an army of tiny Cantonese girls spinning on a hamster wheel.read more