Bella Thorne Working That Disick

At only nineteen years old Bella Thorne has learned that the key to winning the hearts of Americans is fake fucking a Kardashian tangental douchebag. America's Busted Sweetheart was randomly caught by the paps holding hands with Scott Disick while leaving 1 OAK Nightclub... read more

NASA Blasts Gwyneth Paltrow, Though Not Into Space

Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop site for women not yet under financial conservatorships is pushing $120 stickers placed on the arm designed to "rebalance the energy frequency in our bodies.” Like a tuning fork to restore the body to optimal electronic frequency. read more

Bill Cosby Beast Mode

Anybody who thought Billy Cosby was going to retreat into a mole like underground existence following his mistrial in his criminal rape case was wrong by a full one-eighty. Cosby and his Fat Albert gang are planning a nationwide series of town hall meetings on sexual... read more

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Ariel Winter Not Paying the Help

Every time a celebrity slams a shameful story about themselves we need to take a shot. We'll die in three minutes but at least we had fun. Ariel Winter is clapping back at the h8ers (another linguistics home run of the 21st century) who claim she gives her boyfriend Levi... read more

Zayn Malik Seems Uniquely Reasonable

Nobody likes the TSA junior detective kit set up at airports. Even terrorists seeking an eternal heaven can't abide a two hour wait to go bare feet with strangers. Though everybody begrudgingly agrees they don't want to end up on the slamming into a hi-rise end of an... read more

Nina Agdal Skinstagram Sexiness and Shit Around the Web

Genie Bouchard beach thongin', Maitland Ward titty poppin’, and more! read more

Miley Cyrus Proves Worth

Miley Cyrus took to Instagram to prove that she's fuckable in a new picture. The singer can be seen sucking down her day's worth of calories in a red bikini alongside two of her captives. The beginning-of-summer bikini selfie is as quintessential to a celebrity as sweaty... read more

Rebecca Burger Whipped Creamed to Death

Even the attractive social media fitness models among us will die some day. You can only hope the French chicks with nice asses splashed with bidet water will linger longer than the rest. read more

Corinne Olympios' Boyfriend Also Investigating

Corinne Olympios' boyfriend, Jordan Gielchinsky, has issued a qualified unqualified statement of support for the woman he calls his long time friend and girlfriend. read more

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Courtney Cox Not Transitioning To Bruce Jenner

Courtney Cox proudly proclaims in something called New Beauty Magazine that her face is back to normal after years of playing pincushion with various doctors. read more

Chrissy Teigen Still Talking About Her Womb

The rate of infertility issues among female social media celebrities is roughly one-hundred percent. Reproduction related issues are the last topical refuge of women with nothing else to talk about. read more

Miley Cyrus Offers Wise Advice

Miley Cyrus wants her little sister Noah be a breakout music star without feeling a need to react to constant online criticisms. Who needs to hear, hey, you can't sing a lick, or hey, you look like Billy Ray's high school yearbook photo with even deeper jowls. read more