Paris Hilton Shits Gold

Paris Hilton wrapped up the launch of her 20th signature fragrance. All essentially identical junior chemistry kit concoctions produced in a dredged swampland outside Budapest. Packaging takes time or she'd be on fifty. Three of her signature scents are for men. The aroma is used by U.S. Special Forces to locate ISIS forces in the dark. It's not the jihad that kills you, it's the Qatari disco smell.read more

Charlotte McKinney Domination by Breast

What happens when the A for Effort chick from grade school grows up with a pretty face and enormous tits? Trick question. It's never happened before. Lotto winners who declare they're going back to their job packing holiday meat trays don't deserve the moneyread more

You Can Almost Smell the Olympics Fever

Rio looks amazing in helicopter shots trailing over Christ the Redeemer in movies featuring tan-lined tits. Less so when you're on the ground maneuvering tourist death traps. Snake Plisskin would choose carotid explosion over the hellacious gauntlet to the gymnastics center just to watch midgets vault.read more

Johnny Manziel's Got It All Figured Out

Johnny Manziel has been wandering Cabo in a Browns jersey and a bandana which reads "Fucked Up" which is exactly what Keanu Reeves would do in a movie before getting his act together. Unfortunately that is not Manziel's fate, not attractive enough.read more

Kylie Jenner And Tyga Resume AIDS Exchange

Tyga is done fucking his latest human trafficking victim and is reportedly back on with Kylie Jenner, who according to TMZ is was going to buy him a Bentley since his was recently repossessed. Apparently this Beverly Hillbillies charade is going to drag on for several more months until one of them is triangulated to Charlie Sheen. Smart money's on Tyga.read more

Daniela Lopez Osorio in A Bikini

This model is famous because she was once spotted eating food on the set of shoot. It's like seeing LeBron called for shoving off a defender. You recall the one time in your life you saw it happen. Osorio was said to have told the stunned onlookers, that she doesn't eat for herself, she eats for her butt. That's likely urban legend, but a great cotton ball dining party conversation starter.read more

Alessandra Ambrosio Educating

Alessandra Ambrosio took her daughter out of the school she may or may not attend to bring her along on a European modeling jaunt. It's take you daughter to work day and your work is allowing hyperactive gay men to layer you in chiffon and order you to show a little nipple on a walk down a raised platform. So, something less than bio-engineer, something more than being a real estate agent. They all cry at times.read more

Lindsey Pelas Cans Rock And Shit Around The Web

The whole Instagram phenom woman is more than just the sum of her tits. Though if you round up, it's about equal.read more

Finally a Gay Miss America Contestant

After decades of bitchy straight women sabotaging each other's makeup, it's heartening to hear the tale of a beauty pageant contestant who wants to fuck other chicks. Erin O'Flaherty is the first official openly lesbian Miss America pageant contestant. O'Flaherty represents the great State of Missouri which just a couple years ago proudly had the first openly gay football player to be force-drafted into the NFL so ESPN...read more

SI Late to the Bruce Jenner Lady Ass Kissing Party

Bruce Jenner didn't just get tits and a new wardrobe consultant. He became the touchstone media outlets to boost ratings and build LGBT bona fides under the guise of sports celebrity coverage. ESPN busted Bruce's cherry with their cynically chosen Arthur Ashe Courage Awards. The line of sloppy Caitlyn seconds was long and fierce. Entertainment outlets, fashion magazines, news channels, social organizations, all lined...read more

Devon Windsor in A Bikini

If you're tall and skinny and don't have an opinion either way about sweatshops in Myanmar, there's a sixty percent chance you've been signed by Victoria's Secret. The plus-sized model craze seems to be crazing slower than projected by breathless hyperboles in HuffPo's Yeast Infection vertical.read more

There's Something Odd About Men's Magazines

The state of men's magazines is flaccid. There are no major publications left available for men who don't wake up concerned with what to wear with the change in seasons. A couple or three corporate giants bought up all the magazines for men and decided that the only way to keep from going under was to be the variation of People magazine where you get to sell expensive watches.read more

Chris Brown Dropped By Publicist

Aside from being sued by his former manager Chris Brown is keeping his death pool stock strong and was just fired by his publicist Nicole Perna who is slightly below Brown on the morality scale. The trouble started when Brown was born and flared up this week over a text message.read more

Brandi Glanville Explains Screwing Schedule

Ex Real Housewives star Brandi Glanville revealed she has a list of random stunt cocks and ex-boyfriends she calls to service her with a weed whacker in times of need. There was zero demand for this information but the twelve women who still admit they watched that show should find this information titillating while they're undergoing dialysis.read more

Sophie Simmons in Lingerie

Sophie Simmons has the PERFECT response to body-shamers. I'm happy with the way I look. So fucking PERFECT. Gene Simmons' daughter just wants to show off her tits without all the comments. And not all of them complimentary. If equality is about anything it's about providing a protective emotional bubble around women such that they can say or do anything in public life and never be forced to face criticism or negative...read more