Hilary Duff Is the Keymaster

In the days of traditional television media, there were the talent Haves and the Have-Nots. The Haves competed in the Battle of the Network Stars revealing their revolting body hair while the Have-Nots spoke of that show they used to be on fifteen years earlier and waited impatiently for cancer to take them.read more

Venus Williams Grass Court Discrimination

If you're willing to accept the fact that tennis is a real sport, then you're forced to listen to a female tennis player gripe about how she goy less special treatment than male tennis players for the stupid reason that male tennis is a bigger draw and revenue source. Because there are no other industries where the top earner get the bigger office.read more

Demi Lovato No Clothes No Problem

Demi Lovato has come a long way since her mom was slapping food out of her hand so Barney would pick her for his after-hours Bunga Bunga parties. A couple or three bottles of Scotch and some forearm scars later and Lovato is now considered a sexy pop music star, despite lack of credentials on all accounts.read more

Angelina Jolie Original Tits Were Memorably Nice (Mr. Skin Minute Video)

Before Angelina Jolie received word from Jesus and uncertain medical science that her tits would need to be shaved off in a deli meat slicer, she had some amazing tits. Her new tits are technically more spectacular looking, but foam never does well in moisture. So shower sex is way out of bounds. Eighteen years ago when she was fun and crazy and a broke girl from a wealthy family, she made Gia. She's yet to best that...read more

Melanie Brown in A Bikini

America's Got Talent neither showcases unknown talent or features hosts from America, yet it passes as iconic Americana. This is the kind of shit that leads to nationalist referendums.read more

Things Not To Do When You're the Most Hated

Reflecting on her previous election by Star magazine voters as the Most Hated Celebrity in Hollywood, Gwyneth Paltrow elected to go with continued disbelief: First of all I was like, 'I'm the most hated celebrity? More than, like, Chris Brown? What did I do?read more

Scarlett Johansson Highest Grossing Actress Ever

Scarlett Johansson just cracked the Top 10 of all time highest grossing actors and feminists everywhere are ignoring this in order to dedicate more time to making cartoon characters scissor. The list is a bit misleading because it doesn't adjust for inflation or how many dudes you blew to get the part.read more

Iggy Azalea Checks Security Footage

According to Iggy Azalea who is an albino wannabe black skank with a memory foam ass, she caught Nick Young cheating on her while she was away by looking at security camera footage. Don't you have to disclose to people when they're being filmed? One of these whores should sue the shit out of her or she could just share her cell phone contacts with Iggy so she can suck off Dwight Howard and they'll call it even.read more

Chestfeeding Men and Chelsea Handler Abortion Buffets on Last Men on Earth Podcast #50 (AUDIO)

On this week's podcast we discuss the virulent yet laughable notion of body shaming censorship, how one man changed the world by chestfeeding his baby, Justin Timberlake's desperate attempt to be black, Chelsea Handler's abortion bingo card, and Kanye's creepy ass music video about his wife getting railed by Ray J again.read more

Farrah Abraham Ramping Up Her Little One

People who get pissed about child exploitation under the guise of credibility for their general outrage are scolding Farrah Abraham for having her seven year old daughter pancaked in makeup for a bikini photo shoot for Pedo Bear Monthly. It's on the newsstands next to Inspire and White Jet.read more

Paris Hilton Created Kim Kardashian And Shit Around The Web

Manhattan Project scientists were reticent about ever discussing their involvement in building a bomb that could destroy the human race. Paris Hilton less so in taking credit for creating Kim Kardashian. The horror. Sorry, I meant, the whore.read more

Colbert Goes After Exploding Muslims

Big media journalists and entertainers can say whatever they like on the air, provided they don't mind being fired for speaking honestly. The very few of them with guaranteed golden parachutes can occasionally jump from the approved guidelines. Stephen Colbert took a shot at media outlets repeatedly running the closed circuit footage of Religion of Peace Terrorists blowing themselves up at the Instanbul airport.read more

Paris Hilton Shits Gold

Paris Hilton wrapped up the launch of her 20th signature fragrance. All essentially identical junior chemistry kit concoctions produced in a dredged swampland outside Budapest. Packaging takes time or she'd be on fifty. Three of her signature scents are for men. The aroma is used by U.S. Special Forces to locate ISIS forces in the dark. It's not the jihad that kills you, it's the Qatari disco smell.read more

Charlotte McKinney Domination by Breast

What happens when the A for Effort chick from grade school grows up with a pretty face and enormous tits? Trick question. It's never happened before. Lotto winners who declare they're going back to their job packing holiday meat trays don't deserve the moneyread more

You Can Almost Smell the Olympics Fever

Rio looks amazing in helicopter shots trailing over Christ the Redeemer in movies featuring tan-lined tits. Less so when you're on the ground maneuvering tourist death traps. Snake Plisskin would choose carotid explosion over the hellacious gauntlet to the gymnastics center just to watch midgets vault.read more