Elijah Wood Glad He Wasn't Molested

Elijah Wood began modeling at age four and acting at eight, so the fact he escaped childhood without Bryan Singer's dick in his mouth constitutes a minor miracle. Hollywood types catch a lot of flack for being preachy about their various liberal causes such as making sure starving children don't wear fur.read more

Justin Bieber Unaware Of His Role

Justin Bieber appears to be coming to the Derek Zoolander-esque realization that what he does lacks substance. Bieber often struggles in his live performances which is a natural result of being marginally talented and recording shitty music. In searching for validation it's tough to admit you're a pawn supplying fleeting filler bullshit so corporations can run ads for Pepsi.read more

Tess Holliday Explodes and Donald Trump Cockmaster Legacy on the Last Men on Earth Podcast #46 (AUDIO)

On this week's show we cover the all important matters of Chris Brown's baby mama whore-imaging their toddler daughter, Donald Trump being lynched for having a dick, Tess Holiday being the most morbidly obese naked pregnant fat health person on the planet, and an expose on how exactly women can end the fake gender pay gap tomorrow. It's rousing, if not entirely dumb.read more

Gay Men's Chorus Dicked Over (VIDEO)

The San Diego Gay Men's Chorus got fucked over at the Padres game over the weekend when the dude in the booth played a pre-recorded National Anthem over the Chorus assembled on the outfield grass to sing their hearts out. The Chorus leader implied that the slight was not only intentional, but that playing the canned female version of the Anthem was an obvious insult to their Gay Men's Chorus masculinity.read more

Heidi Klum Goes Topless And Shit Around The Web

Heidi Klum is past her peak, it's true, but I still like seeing her naked. Maybe it's a nostalgia thing for when I used to wait for the Victoria's Secret catalog to come in the dark days before the Internet.read more

HuffPo Proudly Discriminates

In case you're horrible at guessing the names of Executive Editors at feminist led news outlets, it's always Liz. Liz Heron at the Huffington Post, which serves as a daily digest of what's important to liberal leaning college educated white women, posted a photo of her editorial staff meeting to Twitter to highlight the diversity of the leaders in progressive thought at the online Time Warner owned operation.read more

Ciara Tits Win Every Billboard Award

The Billboard Music Awards serve as a reminder that erhu plucked tunes over Chinese restaurant intercoms is not the world's most annoying music. Teenaged girls like super shitty music. Followed closely by teenaged boys trying to get laid by teenaged girls.read more

Chris Brown's Baby Mama Whoring Up the Baby

Chris Brown took exception with the mother of his daughter posing two year old Royalty for a Junior Beaver Hunt submission. It’s crazy to me that a parent would OK dressing our daughter like she 16. I ain’t cool wit that. SHE IS 2!!!! It's possible Brown meant eighteen for flashing full vagina. Or never, you know, if she's your daughter.read more

Lindsay Lohan Swimsuit On A Yacht

Lindsay Lohan credits her new underaged Russian boyfriend with everything from inspiring her to get back into acting to eradicating her herpes with Stoli shooters and Eastern black magic. Less credited is his willingness to front recreational drug money and stay mum on how Lohan's several years past going braless on a moving watercraft.read more

Victoria Silvstedt Swimsuit Trolling At Eden Roc

Every mid-May Victoria Silvstedt pushes pudding into the mouth of her older fat French benefactor by the Eden Roc hotel pool while keeping her eyes out for her next human IRA. At forty-one, Silvstedt is the Bartolo Colon of gold digging. If you wanted to blast a load in Bartolo Colon's bottom, snap a keepsake, and start a new life under the name Claude in the former Eastern bloc.read more

Jared Leto Fairly Badass

Jared Leto might be an androgynous Scientologist drone who sees dead people but at least he can fucking do something. That's him in the front climbing a cliff in Yosemite. Being sober definitely has its benefits. If your lifestyle affords it, imagine how braindead and enticed by shiny objects you have to be to spend your days looking at shoes on Rodeo.read more

DiCaprio Commits Cardinal Sin

Leonardo DiCaprio took a private jet from Cannes to New York to accept an environmental award and then took one back to Cannes, equaling the carbon footprint of the continent of Africa and NASCAR combined. DiCaprio's people explained he didn't charter the jet, just got a ride with someone who was already going. If the entire world lived like this Phoenix would be underwater.read more

Emilia Clarke Got Naked Again (VIDEO)

Emilia Clarke made some big to-do about how she was giving up nude scenes because has never once asked a man what he prefers. Respectability is in the eye of the beholder. Who's ever been rude to a good looking naked woman?read more

Hasselhoff Has Nothing Left, Or a Hundred Million

David Hasselhoff is in court trying to get his alimony payments to his ex-wife Pamela Back reduced from a couple hundred grand a year closer to a number resembling zero. Hasselhoff claims he has four grand left in the bank. Bach's attorneys did some digging and claim Hasselhoff is worth north of a hundred million and is still taking in over a million a year in new income. That's pretty decent "what the fuck does he do...read more

Petra Nemcova Does The Bikini Pin-up Thing And Shit Around The Web

Professional hot person Petra Nemcova wore an old timey style pin-up girl bikini in Cannes. She probably looks like a gal your grandpa had on the nose of his B52 in WWII only, you know, fuckable.read more