Who the Fuck Wasn't Bullied This Week On The Last Men on Earth Podcast #44 (AUDIO)

On this week's podcast Matt and I get into the weeds on what Caitlyn Jenner might look like naked, how the singer Grimes' account of sex crimes in the music industry doesn't even compare to Kesha's bogus charges of the same, and how haute couture made from recycled Evian bottles might just not save the planet. I like to think of it as cocktail party conversation, if the cocktails being served are Mickey's Big Mouths....read more

Jennifer Lopez Ain't Your Mama (VIDEO)

Women's rights sells. Sex also. You really have merge the two to ride the commercial wave. People who breathlessly await shitty packaged pop music videos collectively gasped in their Twitter feeds to the stunning yet supremely tired visuals in Lopez' Ain't Your Mama release. If gender equality means legitimizing lazy street slang, you have to feel a slight tug to start marching behind it.read more

Kristen Bell Is Depressed

Just when you thought the politically perfect Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell life partnership was the stuff of Sears sweater commercial, they pivot right into mental illness confessions. A couple weeks ago Shepard confided in the world that a neighbor kid once stuck his hand down Shepard's pants when he was seven. Shepard thought that made him gay. But it turned out he only looked super gay.read more

Rob Kardashian Spawned With Blac Chyna And Shit Around The Web

Rob Kardashian has impregnated Blac Chyna with his fetid douche sperm. They announced it with a preggo Chyna emoji on Instagram, like you do. Self-abortion is not a crime. Go, fetus, go!read more

Susan Sarandon and Her Daughter Have Both Been Topless On the TV, Mr. Skin has Proof (VIDEO)

Somebody has to investigate the important shit. You spend your time figuring out the difference between Trump and Clinton on trade. The real minds are working on which mother and daughter tandem in Hollywood have the best set of tits. I don't care what kind of animus you might against one person or another, when you discover they have class-A lady breasts, you file those personal grievances away next to the fact that...read more

Janet Jackson Gets A Baby for her 50th

Janet Jackson is having a baby at fifty. This defies the common wisdom that Joe Jackson long ago beat the reproductive systems out of his children leaving them falsetto and barren. A stage dad with a switch and a dream can't overcome modern science.read more

Tara Reid Still Working

Blond women with big racks are like lefty relievers in baseball. Even the older mediocre ones seem to keep landing gigs. Tara Reid made it nearly on time to the premiere of an Indian movie nobody seems to have heard of where she's the only non-Indian cast member.read more

Kim Kardashian Mobbed in Cuba By Up to Eleven People

As a sign of improved U.S. Cuban relationships, we sent the Kardashians into Havana. Fuck you for being a pain in the ass for sixty years, Cuba. The Kardashians paraded through the streets in a Papal like motorcade blaring a message in Spanish that translates roughly to 'capitalism will get you into this kind of pussy.'read more

What Can You Get For Five Bucks on Cinco De Mayo?

Everybody celebrates the Battle of Puebla in their own way. Though almost everybody celebrates it by getting drunk. That's what Mexico wants you to do. They supply the beer. You supply the need for a low skilled service based economy. It's all in the book NAFTA for Beginners. Ignore the racist pictures of fat men in sombreros.read more

Arsenio Vs. Sinead Round 2 And Shit Around The Web

It's a battle of has beens as Arsenio Hall sues Sinead O'Connor for claiming that he killed Prince with drugs. Why Arsenio? Who the fuck knows what goes on in Sinead's bald head. She's baby-eating crazy. I wonder how Arsenio is going to pay for his lawyer? Prostituting himself to guys who like to face fuck dudes with big chins?read more

Caitlyn Jenner Naked in SI

Caitlyn Jenner naked. Not since 'Chipotle burrito, why?' have three words caused such a shit your pants panic. It was inevitable. Sports Illustrated bid to be the first magazine to get the unclothed Bruce. That says more about Time Warner begging for progressive points than any cultural shift en masse. Guys who like sports haven't suddenly found a passion for tranny. Exclusive of those already wing-manning for Hank...read more

Kristen Wiig in A Bikini

Not-fat female comedians have a rougher road than most. Nobody cares Melissa McCarthy hit the ice box at two in the morning breaking on the inside. She's still that funny chick from Bridesmaids. America doesn't want a skinny John Candy. That's why we had him killed. If you're Kristen Wiig in a bikini on the beach, the paradigm shifts.read more

Alec Baldwin Taking End of His Career Well

Alec Baldwin has been tapped to host the reboot of The Match Game game show from 1970's daytime television. Thanks to the success of the latest Family Feud reboot with Steve Harvey production companies are now looking to revive more game shows for network syndication. Baldwin consulted his buddies Gin and Tonic as to how to handle his feelings about being the next Steve Harvey. Everyone agreed it was a good talk.read more

Paris Hilton Rattles Cages

Paris Hilton pissed off a UN wild animal conservation group by posing with a dressed up orangutan while visiting Dubai. Rich people in the Middle East are especially fond of purchasing wild animals and turning them into cocktail party ice breakers. So exactly what The Hamptons would be like without some supervision from U.S. Customs.read more

Photoshopped Elton John and Lady Gaga Are Selling Athleisure Wear

Elton John and Lady Gaga are teaming up to teach the world about compassion and bravery through the sale stretch pants and casual tops at Macy's. Anchor stores at the mall are the new ground zero for cultural progress. Also for pretending that cheese on a stick isn't going to kill you faster than the Muslim kid down the block who can't get laid.read more