Selena Gomez Goes Deep (VIDEO)

Selena Gomez has something on her mind. It's been stewing while she put words to her thoughts. It's like watching Russians try to karaoke Blinded by the Light. Gomez welled up with tears in Jakarta as she spoke to kindness and the human condition on stage. Her fans screamed because hearing her speak so guilelessly enhanced the youthful quality so many love to tug to in the evenings after prayers. After the concert,...

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Bella Hadid Bikini Show And Shit Around The Web

Bella Hadid has overtaken her older sister Gigi Hadid in popularity. It's probably the fake lyme disease that propels her ambition. Symptoms of fake lyme disease included showing off your tits a ton and demanding privacy. In that order.

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Aldon Smith Lacks That Certain Je Ne Sais Quoi (VIDEO)

In the future that started ten years ago, people will be judged entirely by dumb shit they film themselves doing. Social media is one large stupidity test. Case in point, Aldon Smith. The talented NFL linebacker is set to come off a one year suspension for DUI, subsequent to arrests for holding a knife at a stabbing party, hit and run, and making casual bomb threats at LAX while wasted.

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Rio Seems Ready, Part Eleven

As the world turns its eyes to Rio for the grand unveiling of the Third World Olympics, there are continued signs that the lawless post-colonial slum town isn't quite prepared. Decapitated bodies and robberies are one thing. Crime stats are easily fudged. Zika babies linger, but you put a nice crocheted hat on their diminutive domes and nobody even screams in fear until kindergarten. Non-working toilets, that people...

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Lindsay Lohan Can't Have Nice Things

Lindsay Lohan seemed settled down with a young wealthy Russian man who believed in her creatively and as important, supported her financially. Somebody left the keys to the liquor cabinet out and everything went to hell.

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Britney Spears Ass View (VIDEO)

The only thing creepier than having a dude sneak up on a woman at a gym and film her ass crack is for that same woman to order her intern to do the same. The Jason Voorhees eye view is quite becoming a lady.

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Kim Kardashian Still Fucking With Taylor Swift (VIDEO)

Nobody fucks with Taylor Swift. Kim Kardashian fucks with everybody. This is the battle earth has been waiting for since Xenu launched his first volcano burial business.

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Amber Heard And Elon Musk Possibly Boning

Amber Heard is reportedly sucking Elon Musk's cock. Musk is a bonafide genius. Any media outlet with financial stake in Tesla will gladly tell you in 3,000 words. He's probably super smart. Yet marketing and super genius rarely go together. People steal the latter's ideas. Hence Tesla didn't have a Campbell's Soup campaign and probably died wearing those weird fingerless gloves.

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Iggy Azalea Bum Rush

The fact Iggy Azalea thinks this is a flattering picture speaks to a harsh truth: People are fucking garbage. She's into body modification possibly as a response to a documented rape she is on the record as having enjoyed. You don't hear that much. It's not refreshing. This chick should have turned up in a dumpster.

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Lisa Bonet Comes Out of Sex Scene Retirement (The Mr. Skin Minute Video)

Who knows shit like Lisa Bonet hasn't been naked on camera in twenty-two years? Mr. Skin does. He knows that cold like you know Bulgarian Olympic weight lifting records. Everybody's got their thing. His is cooler than yours. Bonet's taking it from behind on Ray Donovan on Showtime. The show does pretty well for itself. If you renamed it to Lisa Bonet Takes It From Behind, it would do even better.

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Can Katy Perry's Shitty New Song Save the Shitty Summer Olympics? (VIDEO)

NBC has tapped Katy Perry's new familiar sounding single, Rise, as the official anthem of the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio. That means Universal footed the bill for the studio time to translate inspiring Amazing Race riffs into a pop song about overcoming obstacles, like masked gunmen or Zika you'd have to think. Metaphors are for cowards.

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Gay Sulu Continues to Confuse

Star Trek Beyond is a snooze fest with endless MacGyver discussions about how to jimmy up a communicator or an impulse engine. If you're keeping cinematic reboot LGBT score, Sulu's got a husband in this one.

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Charli XCX Ass Show And Shit Around The Web

Every time there's a story on Charli XCX, I consider looking up who the fuck she is. Then I stare at her ass for a while and assume she'll be gone before I ever get around to reading. I may be right, I may be wrong, but I manage my time well.

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Alan Cumming Demands Non Dairy Options at Dairy Queen

It's an inherent dare not to make cum jokes in a story about Alan Cumming and Dairy Queen. The forever animated movie villain penned a letter to the Dairy Queen CEO asking that the ice cream store chain offer non-dairy options. For the lactose intolerant and those wishing to keep Botswana from getting even hotter. This should get about as far as my Change.org petition to make the Logo channel show less man-ass.

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Khloe Kardashian Fucking Odell Beckham Jr. Up

Odell Beckham Jr. is the latest victim of a Kardashian daughter publicity campaign. Beckham was photographed over Memorial Day weekend at Drake's house party with Khloe Kardashian squirming between his legs. You can't claim you didn't know she was there. Larger footprint mammals are incapable of sneak attack.

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