Jennifer Aniston and her barren womb went down to Mexico this weekend with some friends, including apparent boyfriend Gerard Butler and Courteney Cox. Aniston looks okay but that’s because these pictures were taken from a million miles away. Much like how pictures of the Loch Ness monster look real but when you see it up close you realize it’s a haphazardly thrown together mess. So Jennifer Aniston and monsters have more in common than you might have thought.
(source = splash news online)
Lots of fancy Hollywood stars descended on Miami this weekend to watch the New Orleans Saints win Superbowl 44, among them ‘Gossip Girl’ star Blake Lively, who hung out on her hotel balcony in a bikini with Chace Crawford. God knows why he was there but it sure as hell wasn’t for football and girls in bikinis. He’s what would happen if two gay guys could reproduce, and they had a son. And that son f’d another dude and they had a son, and so on and so on for a few generations, until eventually any heterosexual genes were replaced by completely fabulous ones rollerblading around in a tank top and tiny shorts.
It seems impossible that this is a coincidence, but a photographer taking pictures of Charlie Sheens Mercedes’, the car that was stolen from his home then driven off Mullholland to crash down to the valley below, found a second car. This one is Bentley, and it’s not yet known if anyone is inside or at least was when it crashed.
If it is Sheens, and someone is doing this to get back at him for something, someone sure had a busy night. And good for them. It’s important to stay busy. Idle hands are the devils workshop.
It had to be disappointing for Denise Richards whoever stole Charlie Sheens car and drove it off a cliff that the car didn’t explode in a big fireball. That he wasn’t in the car when it happened is also unfortunate. Actually if he could have been in the car, then had the car also hit him when it came to the bottom, then if someone could have taken his coffin and thrown that down into the canyon too, that would have been terrific.
Ian Halperin is a well known Hollywood reporter who routinely reports things that are either categorically untrue or already well known to anyone who pays attention. But he’s also had New York Times bestsellers and his Michael Jackson book was well reviewed by respected sources.
Point being, he was on Opie and Anthony this morning talking about Leif Garrett (if you don’t know who that is just imagine Robert Pattinson, but 30 years ago and with feathered hair), who was arrested again just Monday for possession of heroin. Halperin says Garrett now works as a male prostitute who has sex with female fans for $5000 a session. And Halperin ads that there are several other former teen stars who do the same thing.
This seems incredibly hard to believe, and it’s almost certainly bullshit, but just because I don’t believe it doesn’t mean it’s not true. For example I sometimes can’t believe how sexy I am, but look. Here I am. Bein all sexy.
Charlie Sheen was fast asleep early this morning when he received a call from OnStar after the airbags were deployed on one of his cars. He looked outside but didn’t see the car. He didn’t see the car because he wasn’t looking at the bottom of the canyon, which is where whoever took the car put it.
It’s not clear who was behind all this, but an even better question is when did TV reporters become such pussies. In this report from KTLA, the great Sam Rubin (one of the few in the media to realize that perez is a fuckin retard who doesn’t actually do anything) is the only one to bring up that there’s a very obvious short list of people who could or would have done this. But then the pussy anchor guy freaks out and says they won’t speculate. There’s no way to know who might have done this. He should put on his reporter trenchcoat and fedora with a card in it that says PRESS and solve the crime.
It could have been anyone, so he can start by interviewing some preschoolers, then Tom Hanks, then bring one of Sheens’ socks to the dog park and see if one of them picks up a scent. Maybe that will help in some way. He’s really tightening the noose around this band of thieves now!
