Kylie Jenner Comfortable In Her Skin

By Lex May 25, 2015 @ 10:08 AM

Kylie Jenner Wears Bikinis
Kylie Jenner’s people had the bright idea to deflect attention away from her statutory rapey relationship with rapper Tyga by spending the holiday weekend posting pictures of her presumably studying for finals. It’s pretty crass to accuse a seventeen year old of using sex to spin the conversation away from sex, but there’s no single Kardashian public relations strategy that doesn’t involve sins of the flesh, from tits right on through to lopping off cocks. I suppose there’s some relative or family friend somewhere whose had the moral fortitude to tell Kylie that going through life as a whore is not all fun and games. I wish they could’ve captured Kylie’s pshaw at that moment. Then the signature sound of Kris Jenner’s blade hacking through the neck of this would be do-gooder. This expedition has no return ticket.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kendall Jenner and The Hadid Sisters Battle The AIDS

By Lex May 25, 2015 @ 7:04 AM

AmFar Cinema Against Aids Gala
These girls are everywhere. It’s like they use some kind of future tech transporter to reassemble their teen tits at fancy parties around the world. In this case, The AIDS fundraiser in Cannes where everybody who’s anybody with a decent rack dances the night away with shout outs to The AIDS. You trying throwing a STD themed party at your place and see how many hot chicks roll up. It’s an art, not a skill. Keep ditching those bras, ladies, I feel a cure coming on.

Photo Credit: Getty

Nicole Trunfio Makes Breastfeeding Okay Again, Once Again

By Lex May 25, 2015 @ 6:19 AM

Nicole-Trunfio-Breastfeeds-Her-Baby
Nicole Trunfio unleashed a worldwide tidal wave of a half dozen supportive Tweets and a brand new hashtag when she posed on the cover of Elle Australia with her naked baby sucking on her bare tit. The moment was completely uncontrived, as painstaking explained by the magazine editor’s to ensure you actually believe her:

This wasn’t a contrived situation: Zion [Nicole's son] needed a feed, Trunfio gave it to him, and when we saw how beautiful they looked we simply moved her onto the set. It was a completely natural moment that resulted in a powerful picture.

In the wake of this supremely uncontrived magazine cover moment, the hashtag #normalizebreastfeeding took off among the social media mommies fed up with the zero percent of people who aren’t pleased as punch when supermodels whip out their tits to feed their offspring. The naked baby is another matter. Where will the children go for their hashtag about leaving them out of your shit? I got your back, Zion. Gimme a little taste of that teat and I’ll help you to a onesie and a proper bottle.

Photo Credit: Elle Australia And Harper’s Bazaar Australia

Duggar Family Show Pulled For Reasons of Molestation

By Lex May 22, 2015 @ 11:25 AM

Josh-Duggar-Interviewed-on-Extra

TLC pulled the Duggar family reality show 19 Kids and Counting from its lineup due to the fact that everyone just found out that eldest son Josh Duggar molested a bunch of underaged girls a decade ago. The sexual assaults, ultimately handled by the dad, his church, and their local state trooper buddy (later convicted for child porn), somehow never made the show. Nobody outside the Duggar cult even knew about the assaults until 2006 when Oprah TV show producers got an anonymous letter telling them not to let the family on her show because their eldest boy liked to touch young girl’s vaginas. Oprah turned the evidence over to the real authorities who then couldn’t do shit because the statute of limitations on child rape in Arkansas is approximately one second less than the time it takes to read the charges.

The wunderkind son flew under the pedo radar until InTouch Weekly got a copy of decade old police reports this month. Josh Duggar confessed his sins of passion and resigned from his very public position at the conservative Family Research Council. Josh’s wife insists he told her all about his diddling transgressions before they were married but she made him pinky promise not to molest their own children so it was all cool.

There’s a lesson to be learned here but it’s not about moral hypocrisy or dark family secrets or the fact that reality television people are all horrible minions of Satan here to lure dumb people into catatonia. It’s about odds. If you bear some endless run of kids because either Jesus made you or because you’re simply Mexican there’s a solid chance some number of them are going to be poorly wired fuck-ups. You have nineteen offspring and raise them in a born again Skinner box and you’re going to get a drug addict or sexual deviant or Cowboys fan somewhere in the mix. That’s just how odds work.  Buy some condoms and start this whole process over. The show had a nice run and everybody did well. Except for the molested girls. You can’t make an omelet without cracking a few eggs.

Mama June Smash And Shit Around The Web

By Jack May 22, 2015 @ 11:00 AM

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Hutt gangster Mama June of Honey Boo Boo fame is threatening to sue TLC for not cancelling 19 Kids And Counting. Her argument is that compared to the Duggar’s molestation charges the kiddie fiddling against Mama June’s son was nothing. Is this what we’ve come to? Comparing and contrasting molestation charges for our TV?

Read why she’s got her waddle in a twist. (TMZ)

Gigi Hadid hides her luscious tits with her arm. (Egotastic)

Rita Ora’s tits are spilling out of her dress. (Drunken Stepfather)

Nina Agdal wears a see-through dress. (Hollywood Tuna)

Irina Shayk invites you to the cleavage and leg show. (Popoholic)

Vin Diesel really needs to shut the fuck up about Paul Walker. (The Superficial)

Sexy ladies taking pics in the mirror. (The Chive)

Victoria’s Secret Model Camille Rowe Topless

By Lex May 22, 2015 @ 10:11 AM

Camille Rowe Strips In Sunlight
The French have a much different take on sexism. It doesn’t exist. Women control everything by having perfect pairs of breasts they wave in the face of their cowering male population. This is either wonderful or horrible depending on your penchant for wearing a chain and being leashed when your woman is at work fucking her Romanian boss. Once that national experiment collapses we can Monday Morning quarterback the thinking that went into building a society where no babies are born. In the interim, smuggle out the women with the swell hooters and the champagne. That’s the short list and the long list of all things French to be saved.

Photo Credit: Pamela Hanson

Jessica Alba In Swimsuits

By Lex May 22, 2015 @ 9:55 AM

Jessica Alba Oiled Up For Shape Magazine
Jessica Alba might be making one point eleven billion dollars from selling diapers made by Guatemalan castratos fostered in hermetically sealed bubbles, but deep down she understands how the Good Lord truly blessed her. It’s a sin to hide your tits when the angels brought them forward in eco-friendly chariots. Slip into a Spandex one piece and coats of bronzer and let’s get down to giving back. You could swaddle babies in Chernobyl latex wraps and they’re still going to dookie. But give a man a boner and you can finally call yourself the Honest company without an asterisk.

Photo Credit: Shape

Redmond O’Neal Has Lost a Couple or a Hundred Pounds

By Lex May 22, 2015 @ 8:29 AM

Redmond ONeal Looking Thin With White Powder
The good news: Redmond O’Neal no longer looks fat and bloated. Maybe it’s the fat shaming. Or the mysterious white powder in the baggy the emaciated looking son of Ryan O’Neal and Farrah Fawcett’s lady friend was snapped hoisting along with a Coffee-mate container. O’Neal is currently on probation for heroin possession and so many drug charges you’ll have to go elsewhere to read them. I’m pretty sure he’s not supposed to be looking like a Malibu Killing Fields survivor and hanging around Coffee-mate. That stuff will kill you. So will being the son of a couple of free spirited celebrity parents who decided mid-30′s was a time to stop working and feast on the recreational party favors by way of passing the days. Ryan O’Neal’s selection of weekend fun stuff can actually shift the price of various crops employed in global narcotics manufacture. I hope his attorneys point out the fact that Redmond is never seen holding that suspicious package. Also, remind him to find acquaintances in the future who are familiar with zoom lens technology. Remember when we used to pretend that prison gets people clean? That was fun.

Photo Credit: Coqueran/Coleman-Rayner