Rose McGowan Can’t Be Topless Enough

By colin November 24, 2014 @ 1:11 PM

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I’m not sure if Rose McGowan made a bet with a friend who she’s just the only go-to named actress in Hollywood who will flash her bare cans for a reasonable rate, but she seems to be topless in half the style and arts magazines this month. I could explain how Rose is ten times the feminist any of the ranting ladies of the Northeastern college corridor, but I’m kind of busy looking at her tits again. That’s her genius right there.

Photo credit: Flatt Magazine

Mexicans Coming Through Yonder Window

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 12:33 PM

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This cartoon never stood a chance. It’s racist against the Mexican race of peoples who invented chocolate and soccer and fake names to share with border patrol agents when crossing the Sonoran into the U.S.  Cartoonist Gary Varvel had his turn at mocking the Obama executive order allowing five million potential deportees to hang out in the U.S. until such time as Chili’s no longer needs their tables bussed. Once the cry racism trolls started in on the Indianapolis Star, they wiped off the invading dude’s mustache, because a mustache is the international symbol of Central Americans. I think you’ll see that in most Atlases of the World.

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That was pretty fucking stupid. Though not as inane as Indianapolis Star Executive Editor Jeff Taylor confirming his status as champion of free speech and diverse thought with the following takedown statement:

On Friday, we posted a Gary Varvel cartoon at indystar.com that offended a wide group of readers. Many of them labeled it as racist. Gary did not intend to be racially insensitive in his attempt to express his strong views about President Barack Obama’s decision to temporarily prevent the deportation of millions of immigrants living and working illegally in the United States. But we erred in publishing it. The cartoon depicted an immigrant family climbing through a window of a white family’s home as Thanksgiving dinner was served. I was uncomfortable with the depiction when I saw it after it was posted.

Oh, fuck no. You were uncomfortable? Readers were offended? I wish the mildly decomposing remains of Ben Bradley could rise from the grave and give you the good bone to ass fucking you deserve. This is one cartoonist’s political point of view. It’s hardly KKK blindly hateful pamphleteering. Now grow some sack and pretend you’re a newspaper man.

Robin Thicke Seems Recovered

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 11:27 AM

April Love Geary Is Robin Thickes Young New Girlfriend
On the inside, he’s a broken man. Deeper on the inside Robin Thicke’s now banging this nineteen year old semi-working model, April Love Geary. Many people are calling this revenge. Me and Occam’s Razor are calling it an older dude who can pull teen model pussy doing just that. This chick has been posting selfies of herself in Robin Thicke’s bedroom. It’s how the social caste system is decided in the circle of young models in Los Angeles. What are you wearing and who are you fucking? Robin Thicke isn’t exactly an elite score, but it’ll get you into most 21 and over clubs and you don’t have to wake up with Wilmer Valderrama.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Nobody Wore Bras to the American Music Awards

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 9:48 AM

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Teens, old chicks, strange foreign chicks with pasties who nobody remembers inviting. All the girls went braless last night at the American Music Awards. After watching two minutes of sunken eyed anorexics talking fashion on E!, I discovered braless is a new style trend. I suppose it’s better than tiny hats. The Jenner girls don’t belong at a music awards show, but you ditch the bra and you’re on every short list, including the Cosby mentor program speed dial.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Katy Perry Bikini Pictures Grinding One Out

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 9:15 AM

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It takes nothing more than a boatful of backup dancer and a couple Foster’s to get Katy Perry shaking her ass. It also might be the privacy of an offshore yacht, bolstered by the conference that telescopic lenses on cameras will not be invented until 2037. I’m just glad Katy’s happy again after going through all the things she’s been through, not much of which seems particularly difficult, but struggle makes for good magazine copy. I’m not going to comment on her thighs because I don’t want the hate mail. But were I too comment, I might tell her next husband to beware, he’s getting Lammily, not Barbie.

Photo credit: INF Photos

Taylor Swift Wins All 27 American Music Awards

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 8:56 AM

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I had to drink a lot to put down that show. I’m just glad Dick Clark is dead so he didn’t have to see the abomination his American Music Awards have remained. It’s a collection of the most popular music artists pretending they didn’t know they were going to be handed acrylic obelisks of Ra as part of the deal their agents negotiated for their show appearance. Fuck me, did I win? You are the greatest fans in the world. That was the show. There had been speculation over whether or not Jennifer Lopez and that albino rapper from Australia would show too much ass on stage but ABC covered it up with red striped spots that made it about as dirty as trying to watch free Skinemax back in the day through wavy lines.

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If I were scoring this award show on a scale of 1 to 10, I’d give it a good kick in the cunt and subtract eleven. That’s three hours of my life I can’t get back. Sorry, kids I read to in the homeless shelter.

Ariana Grande Moved the Crowd

By Lex November 24, 2014 @ 8:42 AM

Ariana Grande Looks Curvy As She Performs At The AMAS
There was some effort to provide tits at the American Music Awards so the seventeen percent of straight male audience viewing the fabulous costume and lip synch parade could tell their buddies this morning, it was awesome, did you see so and so’s tits? Everyone understand this is the rhetorical question of a man so pussy whipped he couldn’t either watch more football or build something with his hands in the garage. The other option is that he’s particularly keen on Taylor Swift and One Direction, in which case we might as well hand the front door keys to China and beg them not to serve eggplant every night in the internment camps.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/Getty

Cosby Continues to Circle the Drain

By Matt November 24, 2014 @ 8:39 AM

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As rape allegations pile up like the Quaalude prescriptions his dutiful wife is busy shredding, Bill Cosby finally decided to address the issue before his show in Florida. Not the issue of the rape, something far more pressing. A local radio station had a pretty genius idea to pay people to show up and interrupt Cosby’s stand up show to demand an explanation. Cosby felt this was a violation akin to waking up covered in his junkyard gang jizz:

Now suppose someone brings a weapon or decided to do more foolishness. There will be announcements made and the stations made some disclaimers, but what if people don’t listen to what they said and they entice violence… When you go to a civil rights march or something like that, at least there are meetings and some organization to it and people understand how to behave. There may be people coming to the show that don’t know exactly what to do.

Clearly Cosby feels vulnerable right now. Not quite date rape vulnerable, more like senior citizen going to bodega after dark vulnerable. It seemed Cosby seemed unscathed and ready to bebop around stage for AARP members in Florida who give him the deference of a hometown sports star, then he dropped this little nugget:

“I know people are tired of me not saying anything. But a guy doesn’t have to answer to innuendos.”

‘Bill Cosby drugged and raped me’ is not exactly an innuendo, it’s more like a felony criminal allegation. Particularly when painstakingly detailed in no uncertain terms by a dozen women using their real identities and listing times, dates, and locations. Cosby probably thinks his innuendo deflection is workable since he’s never heard of the Internet and thinks dentist humor is still gold.

It’s only a matter of time before Cosby jets off to remote Caribbean archipelago he likely owns and lives out his days paying local island girls one hundred American dollars to sign unlimited waiver of liability agreements. Why he’s deciding to stand and fight could either be described as valiant or rapey asshole behavior. Let’s do a poll.

Photo Credit: INF Photos