We Dance on the Grave of the Dead Justin Bieber Lookalike Which Is Super Wrong on The Last Men on Earth Podcast #15 (AUDIO)

By Lex August 28, 2015 @ 2:27 PM

When Matt and I set out to do a podcast because absolutely nobody asked, we figured we’d do two or three before a kindly janitor walked into the room and told us we had to go do something more important with our lives.  It never happened. I know grown men who are proud of their big shits. I’d like to think we’re somewhere between that and real achievement.

This week’s Last Men on Earth Podcast features a discussion of the Ashley Madison judgmental crowd, the Bieber lookalike who everybody watched slowly die, and something to do with Terence Howard going into TV purgatory. It’s all there if only you believe.

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Miley Cyrus Updates to Pansexual

By Lex August 28, 2015 @ 1:02 PM

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A couple months ago Miley Cyrus announced she was sexually fluid. Which grossed most people out and made me never want to eat crab again in my lifetime. In the new edition of Elle U.K, Miley has updated her sexuality to pansexual, which sounds like sexually fluid, but with a no german shepherds clause:

I am literally open to every single thing that is consenting and doesn’t involve an animal and everyone is of age. Everything that’s legal, I’m down with. Yo, I’m down with any adult — anyone over the age of 18 who is down to love me. I don’t relate to being boy or girl, and I don’t have to have my partner relate to boy or girl.

She sounds like a serial rapist who had her public statement reviewed first by her team of attorneys. Anybody above 18 that doesn’t involve animals leaves open a lot of shit some outside the Caligula party might find distasteful. But something I’ll keep in mind when your uncle is pounding your ass with items from the Hickory Farms Orchard’s Bounty gift basket and I don’t call the cops. I’m not sure if magazine reporters keep asking Cyrus these questions just to get something quotable or if Cyrus insists on bringing it up. We should probably get gag orders against them both. Pansexuality seems complicated. Miley must be really smart.

Photo credit: Elle U.K.

Tila Tequila Is Evicted And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 28, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Bat shit crazy Tila Tequila was kicked off Big Brother UK because of her love of Hitler. You remember, how much she loves the Fuhrer. Even though she’s Asian fusion or whatever the fuck.

Read about this Nazi cum sponge’s latest troubles. (TMZ)

Nina Kristin Fiutak takes a topless bath on Big Brother Germany. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Usain Bolt eats it when a camera guy on a Segway knocks him out. (Dlisted)

These sexy pics of Blac Chyna will give your eyes herpes. (COED)

Hot, narcissistic chicks looking in mirrors scantily clad. (The Chive)

Denise Schaefer shows off her sideboob. (Hollywood Tuna)

Selena Gomez Instagrams her cleavage because it’s a day of the week. (Popoholic)

Rita Ora Sheer Top With Pasties

By Lex August 28, 2015 @ 11:55 AM

Rita Ora Sheer Top With Pasties
Pasties have become big again as bras have disappeared and pop stars don’t want to lose their consumer brand advertisers. Pasties were first invented to make you wonder why you ever agreed to spend money in a Florida strip club. You can use pink hearts, yellow moons, or orange stars, you’re still fucking up what could’ve been a wonderful evening. Why did I pay $80 to see Rita Ora in concert again? No, not the fabulous stage decorations. Where do I go to get my dignity back?

Photo Credit: Getty

Amber Rose and Blac Chyna Hawking Glasses

By Lex August 28, 2015 @ 9:40 AM

Amber Rose Promotes Eyewear With Blac Chyna
Amber Rose and Blac Chyna are two women who know a thing or two about being knocked up by rappers just passing through. Also stylish eyewear and disfiguring artificial anatomical enhancements. Combined, it’s a powerful force in marketing that might sell up to eleven pairs of glasses. This is what happens when you tell your ad agency you can’t afford Nicki Minaj.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Subway Was Warned That Jared Dug the Young Girls

By Lex August 28, 2015 @ 9:15 AM

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Jared Fogle’s hobbies consisted mainly of power walking and sharing with as many grown women as possible how much he dug paying underage teens to have sex. With hindsight, I bet he wished he had just done more power walking. A former Subway franchise owner claims she met Fogle at a Subway business event in 2008 and he began sending her texts about his illegal fetish. Cindy Mills did what any law abiding franchisee would do and skipped the cops and went directly to the exec in charge of Subways marketing and told him Jared might be a freak. According to Mills, the Subway exec told her to drop it and maybe move to Guatemala under the name Ramirez. I know what Karen Silkwood or Erin Brockovich would’ve done next. Mills did the opposite. She’s covering her ass now as the question of who knew what about Fogle and when is being investigated. It’s a thin line between being a snitch and a loyal Subway franchisee. Sixteen isn’t that young and those B.M.T.’s don’t get made by themselves.

Jennifer Aniston Pokies

By Lex August 28, 2015 @ 8:41 AM

Jennifer Aniston Pokies While Filming
Jennifer Aniston got privately married to that actor who wears a motorcycle helmet to ensure she’d be as boring as humanly possible. Her long standing ‘I don’t need a man to be happy’ shtick was the last vestige of interesting. She’s back on set with Jason Sudeikis working on the next modestly amusing comedy you might watch four years from now on HBO if you forget the title. Her skin looks amazing. Especially around her nipples. Find the positive.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Chelsea Handler Keeps It Coming

By Matt August 28, 2015 @ 8:15 AM

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Chelsea Handler’s talk show on Netflix should be coming out around 2019 or once we discover water on Mars, which ever comes last. These shenanigans appear to be a bid to stay relevant following her run of Chelsea Lately, as unfortunately once you turn forty as a woman the world often forgets about you. Which is happening no matter how many tit pics you inundate the Library of Congress with. Handler only had to fuck the head of programming at E! for a few weeks to get her original show and immediately stop after signing the contract. That’s unprofessional, sir. He was rewarded with a better job. No such behavior goes on at Netflix. The future is going to be much more progressive. Meaning the show will be cancelled immediately.

Photo Credit: Instagram