Rumer And Demi Self Exploitation

By Matt May 27, 2015 @ 7:05 AM

Moore

Rumer Willis and Demi Moore dressed up as twins and pretended they weren’t praying on your most base of sexual fantasies. I don’t know where the mother/daughter thing ranks in terms of the bed post notch pantheon but I’d put it somewhere below actual twins and most certainly cooler than banging a local while vacationing in Barbados if not for the health implications. Something’s not normal when you can’t tell a mother and her kid apart minus the prison ink. One of you is either dropping the ball or mildly out of focus. People used to have real hobbies. You never see birdhouses anymore. Rumer’s caption was both a compliment to her mother and some shameless self flattery:

“That moment when you realize you actually are becoming your mother #twinning #imnotmad.”

Calm down Sheriff Woody. There’s more to looking like someone than strapping on the same onesie. You’re also giving up thirty years. Lifetime I’m down in Vegas but not liking those odds. What else is in that prop closet? It better have two heads. I’m not amused.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Lamar And Khloe Seem Ready to Forgive

By Matt May 27, 2015 @ 6:36 AM

LAMA

Lamar Odom appears to be over his smoking crack off the pocked marked asses of Thai hookers in motels phase. His rogue status may have cost him his NBA career, his house, and three nice sports cars, but he may be getting back his wife and bodyguard, Khloe Kardashian. The pair were headed for a divorce but the proceedings stalled due to a “lack of action” which is a legal term for Odom not being able to retain a lawyer willing to be paid in autographed Clippers jerseys. One of TMZ’s future cult casualty photographers caught up with Odom while entering a club which most certainly requires pat downs and Odom said Khloe is “still my girl.” There’s nothing more melancholy than a man headed into an establishment to find some anonymous pussy lamenting the large girl he let slip way. Khloe herself has made hints of getting back with Lamar again someday should he ever clean up his drug act and quit screaming out ‘whole hog!’ during sex. The reconciliation now must be left up to Fate, with final approval from E! TV producers who ultimately decide who everyone fucks or kills on the show.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Bella Thorne in A Bikini

By Lex May 26, 2015 @ 12:35 PM

Bella Thorne Wears A Bikini In Malibu
The last great hope of the Thorne family of stage girls is this redhead line reader. Her Disney bio age is seventeen which makes her a Dominican shortstop prospect age fifteen, or both about twenty-four in rotations around the sun. She made the cut this year for the Joel Silver Memorial Day house party. She had memorized the ‘play ball’ speech before arriving earning her bonus points for not wasting anybody’s time. In the practice of the Chumash Indians, Thorne beelined for the chilled salt water envelopment of the Pacific Ocean for a therapeutic cleanse. There will be plenty of cute black babies left in Africa when you turn thirty-five and the bulk of your feature work is behind you. Keep your eye on the prize. Your parents dumped their retirement savings into your tap lessons and crotchless panties. You don’t want RadarOnline stories on them living in the street like Madonna’s brother. Can you lose the freckles?

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Kate Hudson Gets the Memorial Day Nod

By Lex May 26, 2015 @ 11:48 AM

Kate Hudson Strips Down For Memorial Day Party
Each Memorial Day Joel Silver gathers all the cool names in show business to hang out at his place in Malibu and pretend they’re not wishing each other dead with the pox. You have to go if you’re invited since Joel Silver runs a shit ton of movies and TV shows. It’s also a chance for the newbies to run lines with Silver while his peen is planted firmly in the back of their throats, a rite of passage easily forgotten with molly and a fruity-flavored cocktail. Kate Hudson is well past neophyte stage. If she blows somebody important it’s because she wants to, or she’s feeling sad or frightened or unattractive or old. Hollywood is much like the Wonka factory if you replaced pure imagination with chemically treated anxiety.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Josh Duggar Slut Shames Sisters And Shit Around The Web

By Jack May 26, 2015 @ 11:00 AM

464795596

Devout kiddy fiddler Josh Duggar thinks he was justified in molesting his little sisters because they dressed slutty. Makes sense. Release the pedos from their chambers!

Read this piece of shit’s latest excuse. (The Superficial)

Rebecca Louise shows off her massive titties. (Egotastic)

Johnny Depp could get 10 years in jail for smuggling his dog’s into Australia. (TMZ)

Chelsea Handler shows her tits on vacation because Chelsea Handler. (Drunken Stepfather)

Lauren Hayes looks better in a bikini than your girlfriend. (Popoholic)

Jonathan Rhys Meyers is not drunk”, says a drunk Jonathan Rhys Meyers. (Dlisted)

Emily Ratajkowski’s underboob is a thing of beauty. (COED)

Kristen Stewart And Alicia Cargile Memorial Day Hugs

By Lex May 26, 2015 @ 10:56 AM

Kristen Stewart And Alicia Cargile Memorial Day Hugs
Kristen Stewart and not her girlfriend spent Memorial Day re-imagining Indigo Girls songs in a post-Ellen world while denying there’s such a thing as lesbian breath. Kristen has been outspoken of late on the sexism that runs unchecked through Hollywood. The institutionalized bias explains why despite being an unpleasant chain smoking grinch whose primary form of communication is grunts and audible sharts, Stewart’s currently working on five new movies. Rewarding bad female behavior is the worst kind of sexism. Lose her number. She’ll call you when it’s time for an anonymous donor.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Rumer Willis Winner’s Ass

By Lex May 26, 2015 @ 10:07 AM

Rumer Willis Boyfriend Takes Photos Of Her Bikini Booty
Victory in that TV dancing show has brought clarity of purpose to Rumer Willis. This triumphant post of her tight bikini backside is the perfect statement that you don’t have to be good at everything. Can you dance and do you have a nice ass? Accentuate the positive. Turn that invisible fence shock collar up to high and give yourself a jolt every time your jaw starts to turn toward a camera. Eventually build a glory hole that fits your ass and put your DWTS trophy on a mantle above it. Objectification is only a bad thing when chosen in lieu of a superior alternative.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Lena Dunham in Lingerie Selfie

By Lex May 26, 2015 @ 9:12 AM

Lena-Dunham-in-Lingerie-Instagram

Lena Dunham posted a photo of herself in lingerie because she’s super body positive. Also, because she’s being paid by a lingerie company.  It’s long been Dunham’s dream to make one million men taste the remnants of the grilled cheese sandwich they never quite digested in the fourth grade. That part of the Internet where girls equate showing off your fat naked body on Instagram to the Montgomery Bus Boycott went into a tizzy:

Lena Dunham’s lingerie photo is her latest body posi effort on social media, and power to the writer and actress for once again being badass and fearless when it comes to showing off her body… Dunham wore a pistachio green, lacy set from Lonely Lingerie, a company who makes “intimates for ladies who view lingerie as a love letter to themselves,” as opposed to, say, being something solely utilized to entice a lover. Can we veer off topic for a second for me to say that I’m in lurve? What a refreshing concept! — Amy Sciaretto, Bustle.com

Power to Lena. Not the power to lay off the carbs or the power to resist burning an innocent dude in your book with implied rape allegations, but the power to not entice a lover with this lingerie. I’d have to call this a success. Amy Sciaretto might be in lurv, but your visual love letter to yourself just cost me a decent erection for the next ninety-six hours. I’m sending you a copy of The Feminine Mystique and a poncho. I call truce.