By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 1:38 PM
We’re going to keep doing this shows until Matt admits that he’s always wanted to be a woman who always wanted to be a man that doesn’t believe in gender labeling. So like three more weeks.
This week’s episode delves into the how shattered nobody is anymore that Billy Cosby sleep-raped five soccer teams full of women, why Ashley Madison cheaters are the dumbest men in the world, and how Russell Wilson’s dick got deeply fucked over by his higher power.
Thanks to our sponsors at ThePornDude.com who are probably the last people on the Internet still giving people exactly what they think they’re getting. It’s porn, dammit. Just porn.
You can comment and subscribe to the show on iTunes. For show contact: LastMenPodcast@gmail.com or LastMenPodcast on Twitter.
By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 12:43 PM
Khloe Kardashian just gave her little teen sister permission to bang older men and it may be the most intelligent thing that’s ever come out of her mouth.
I think at 16 I was probably fucking someone that was in their 20s, for sure. I wouldn’t say I was even dating, probably just sleeping with them. But again, Kylie is not a normal 17-year-old. You’re not gonna say, ‘Hey, so what are you doing this weekend?’ and have her say, ‘Having a slumber party at my girlfriend’s’ or ‘Going to prom.’ That’s not what Kylie does. Kylie is taking business meetings and bought her first house, or she’s going on a private plane with Karl Lagerfeld to take a meeting. That’s not even what people do in their 30s. It’s a rare circumstance, so let’s treat this as a special case.
Perhaps not a great sign that you can’t remember who you were fucking at sixteen. You’re not the old lady from the Titanic. You’re thirty and unencumbered by deep thoughts, you should have an inkling. Nevertheless, if you get past that first part where you vomit a little, Khloe is able to objectively assess her sister’s psychological slut age, versus the knee-jerkers who cling to the Age of Consent like it descended on tablet from heaven. When Jesus was alive, girls were being married off at twelve years and one day and he didn’t say squat.
This isn’t a debate about First Century A.D. practices or if Stephen Collins’ little neighbor girls are old enough to see his half-hard cock, this is whether or not some seventeen year old girls are mature enough to fuck rappers in their 20′s. If you’re raised to be a working whore since childhood, the odds are you’re going to be pretty fucking savvy by seventeen. Thai hookers are more street smart by puberty than anybody currently running to be President of our nation. Kylie Jenner does own a house, a Mercedes, has a fake high school diploma, and earns in the millions from her numerous commercial deals. You think Kris Jenner and Vagina Dad would make wiser decisions on her behalf? Look at the parents. Look at the girl. At least let her be a skank on her own volition. Fuck, Khloe, now we can’t put you down without wondering if you knew what was happening.
Photo credit: Getty Images
By Jack July 27, 2015 @ 12:00 PM
Human butt polyp Shia LaBeouf was spotted yelling and getting physical with his girlfriend Mia Goth in Germany. The argument seemed to revolve around her taking his backpack. He later said he would have, “killed her” if he had stayed around, which is both frightening and a clear over-estimation of his ability to fight women.
Read all about how not scary this ass munch is. (The Superficial)
Hey, wanna see Micaela Schafer’s tits? Well, you’re in luck! (Egotastic All-Stars)
Evil fucker Joe Jackson has a stroke. Thank you, Jesus! (TMZ)
Spelman College cuts ties with noted rapist Bill Cosby. (Dlisted)
Lais Ribeiro’s spread in GQ South Africa will set your crotch on fire. (COED)
Do you like thigh gaps? Good. (The Chive)
Danica Patrick does yoga on a boat. (Busted Coverage)
By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 11:57 AM
Michelle Rodriguez doesn’t have time for the idiotic am I or am I not a lesbian celebrity crap. You’re fronting on Twitter while she’s boning women two at a time. Rodriguez rents a yacht literally called the Ecstasea off the coast of St. Tropez and shuttles celebrity and non celebrity chicks out to her floating poon palace. She only breaks for bad-ass water sports and to let the men of the world know she’s fucking all their ladies. It’d be disheartening if there wasn’t so much admiration involved. I don’t root for Kevin Durant, but when he’s on a crazy roll, I just have to applaud. This is just like that. If Kevin Durant were fucking your wife, mom, and sister and you were still applauding.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 11:03 AM
Two teen sisters at an Atlanta Braves baseball game are being hailed as heroes by Lifetime viewers everywhere for busting a woman in the row in front of them for sexting a dude while her husband seated next to her was completely unaware. Delana and Brynn Hinson noted that the woman was sending racy notes to a dude named “Mark” while pretending it was her friend “Nancy”. The junior Nancy Drews had no idea what she was texting when they started spying on her private conversation, but that shouldn’t take away from their vigilante warrior status.
The Hinson sisters started posting photos of the woman’s racy texts on Twitter, because the affairs of complete strangers at sporting events is now general entertainment. The giddy sisters wrote a secret note to the husband informing him that his wife was cheating on him even though they had no way to know if that was true. They offered to send him the photos they had taken of his wife’s texts. He contacted them after the game and asked for the photos, which they are taking to mean they saved him tons of shame and sorrow. Or that he will now be beating his wife with a shovel thrice instead of twice nightly. Job well done, Hinson sisters. What some would call cheap thrill snooping on other people’s private lives is but another feather in your P.I. hat. Mom raised you right. Why is daddy working late again tonight?
Photo credit: Brynn Hinson/Facebook
By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 9:34 AM
Bobbi Kristina Brown passed away at twenty-two after six months in a coma, surrounded by her close friends and family, more commonly known as her killers. Normally you might blame a junkie for their their own damn bath tub drowning, but when an infant is handed a crack pipe in the place of a pacifier by her fucked up parents, you have to give a little nod to the role of ill-fate in her demise. Nobody around her will ever be punished save for having to live their lives as fucked up, selfish shifty assholes, which isn’t as bad as it sounds when self-awareness is absent. Maybe ghosts are real and Bobbi Kristina will haunt the shit out of the fuckers in her family who now vulture up to her inheritance in cash and real property. Though most likely we’ll have to wait until they all kill themselves through negligence and stupidity. The media will call it a family curse, but deep down, we’ll all know it was just relentless assholery. Now would be a good time for Amazing Grace and a drone strike.
Photo credit: Getty Images
By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 9:15 AM
A Kardashian’s tits are her semaphores to the world that she’s ready to receive man juice in her cloacal. Kourtney Kardashian feels the urgency to do whatever the fuck it is it says in her script for this coming season. Will she marry a handsome restauranteur who takes to her kids and be happily ever after? Will she contract The AIDS from a Mali-born rapper and tearfully explain to her children which of them will receive her implants post-mortem. What do you mean your stepdad is now a woman? How am I not watching this?
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex July 27, 2015 @ 8:15 AM
New York magazine spent the past six months interviewing thirty-five Cosby accusers to fully document their assault stories then blended their portraits into one giant Fat Albert raped me collage. Give credit where credit is due, this is pretty fucking impressive. It doesn’t change the legal landscape. Cosby’s still rocking the easy chair in a sweater monogrammed with Statute of Limitations wondering when his wife is going to stop wishing him dead from the doorway. He must’ve known this New York magazine article was coming because he recently changed the face of his legal team to this chick attorney who has been on a million news shows stating that Cosby’s innocent with a straight face. She’s fond of saying things like, if there’s on accuser or fifty, it doesn’t matter, there’s still no proof. Only it does matter. Rolling Stone found one anonymous accuser at UVA. This is thirty-five named women with highly detailed accounting of their woozy cum-filled evenings with Dr. Huxtable. It was bad for Cosby before, now it’s worse. It takes about thirty Quaalude tablets to induce coma and death. I know thirty-five chicks willing to slip you one. I’ll call NBC. You’ve got one more big hit left in you, old man.