Mr. Skin and Naked News Just $4 A Month for Super Bowl Weekend

By Lex February 05, 2016 @ 4:55 PM

Skin-and-NN-offer

There’s one and only one rule at my Super Bowl party. You may not shit in the toilet. Shit before. Shit after. You are not destroying the bathroom. I’m serving nachos. I have no yard. Plan accordingly.

The god-fearing radicalized pornographers at Mr. Skin have launched a special Super Bowl offer of $4 per month for a membership over the Super Bowl weekend. That’s something close to 70% off.  It’s like you’re stealing. Fucking thief.

Just $4 month for Mr. Skin memberships

Also, just $4 a month for Naked News, with 20% more vagina than before.

Personally, I dig Mr. Skin, if you do too, you should buy it now when it’s on special. If you don’t because it’s simply not your thing or naked women frighten you and you want to hug a bus driver and tell him he smells nice, that’s okay too. This is called Native Advertising. I just want you to feel comfortable.

 

Charlotte McKinney Is America

By Lex February 05, 2016 @ 12:12 PM

Charlotte McKinney Is Amazing
It’s old-fashioned and almost un-American these days, but Charlotte McKinney gets up every morning, greases up her enormous tits, and goes wherever the cameras are. She doesn’t bitch about objectification or express dismay about Verlander cum shot photos being leaked. She smiles and asks for overtime. It’s the blue collar mentality that made this nation the envy of the world. Strap on those work boots and ice down those nipples. That’s the work bell, Flintstone.

Photo Credit: GQ Mexico

Josh Duggar Off The Hook And Shit Around The Web

By Michael February 05, 2016 @ 12:00 PM

464795596

It turns out that porn “actress” Danica Dillon lied about Josh Duggar having roughed her up during sex. So, I guess Josh is not so bad. Oh, except for that whole “him fondling his little sisters” thing.

Imagine that. A hooker lying. What a world! (TMZ)

The Mexican cops want to talk to Kate Del Castillo about that whole El Chapo thing. (Last Men On Earth)

WWE Hall of Famer Tammy Lyn Sytch released a sex tape for Vivid. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Natalie Dormer shows some major cleavage at the Zoolander 2 premiere. (Drunken Stepfather)

Nina Agdal does the whole bikini thing. (Hollywood Tuna)

Jaimie Alexander’s legs make me feel funny in my crotch. (Popoholic)

I do like big floppy titties. (The Chive)

Jessica Alba IPOing her Szechuan Diapers

By Lex February 05, 2016 @ 11:04 AM

Jessica Alba Cleavy Bikini For Cosmo
Jessica Alba didn’t just whine about pay inequality for women who can’t act so well, she did something about it. She founded an all-natural, organic, baby-healthy products company which sources its products in the factories in China modestly hosed out in between rounds of generic battery making. The Honest Company is brutally honest in rationalizing why they produce their upscale Westside baby products in or around Guangdong, summing it up by declaring the Chinese aren’t all horrible and Jessica slathers her own children in the overpriced shit so it must be safe. Lawsuits aside, the Honest company is working with banks for a billion dollar IPO that will make Alba richer than she could’ve ever been even if she’d been willing to show her tits in movies instead of using CGI and body doubles. Good for her. That rash on your baby’s rectum in the spitting image of Mao is perfectly natural. Read the brochure. House Bamboo Soaring Bird. Not my fault you never bothered to learn Mandarin.

Photo Credit: Cosmopolitan

Adele Cited for Sexual Harassment

By Lex February 05, 2016 @ 10:33 AM

adele-lyrics-poster

When the Sexual Misconduct Office and the Gender + Equality Center at Oklahoma University got together, you just knew magic was about to happen. It’s like peanut butter and chocolate, if those snack foods had unchecked Title 9 funding and were immensely unhappy with themselves because dad wanted sons. February is Stalking Awareness Month in case not indicated on your BDSM Latvian model wall calendar. The Gender + Equality Center at OU celebrated by distributing one-sheets around campus with popular song lyrics that wittingly or unwittingly or not at all promote sexual harassment:

“The music examples were used to demonstrate how aspects of popular media could be interpreted to normalize unhealthy relationship behaviors.

Adele’s song Hello is about a chick who dumped her boyfriend and either wants him back or just feels like she needs to apologize which is a super obvious lame cover for wanting somebody back. I just called to say I’m so sorry, should we meet at a motel and fuck twice or thrice? I’m in between boyfriends and kind of horny. Again, so sorry, so is that a yes?

Adele leaves this dude a ton of voicemails. Presumably in a throaty melisma. We all know the chick in that song. She’s super fucking annoying. But if she were sexually harassing you’d probably still be together because that’s kind of hot, even with a plump British chick.

The OU Center also used Adam Levine Maroon 5 lyrics as an example of sexually harassing lyrics in popular music. By happenstance picking the one male singer who every woman on this planet big and small could beat up rather easily. None of this is likely to diminish the real instances of dudes with a screw loose picking on women who they hold accountable for their small penises. But as government grants go, spend it or lose it. Plus Tammy’s sister runs a graphic’s arts business out of her house. Remember when college used to be about studying and exams and learning? No, me either. Why does Bernie Sanders want more of this?

Credit: FoxNews.com

Rose McGowan Single Again

By Lex February 05, 2016 @ 8:50 AM

Rose-McGowan-and-Davey-Detail
Rose McGowan cited irreconcilable differences in her divorce from Davey Detail, a young visual artist known for his flamboyant hair styles and total lack of income. Like many celebrity couples, the two found it difficult to make time for each other. Detail was regularly touring European hostels with his found object art projects and McGowan was triple booked in tight tank tops speaking truth to Hollywood sexism. Nobody has less free time than the chronically unemployed. McGowan is only forty-two with plenty of years left to make a horrible wife for any number of men who wonder why she no longer wraps her fantastically long fingers around their cock like when they were dating. E.T. Phone home. E.T. phone home. Faster.

Photo credit: FameFlynet

Sylvie Meis in A Bikini in Bali

By Lex February 05, 2016 @ 8:04 AM

Sylvie Meis Pink Bikinis In Bali
This chick beat cancer and now she’s living every day traveling the world in the high life. I beat cancer and now allow myself gum with sugar on the weekends. Letting loose is so much easier when you have perfect tits and money. Where’s my lingerie modeling career? It’s cool. I’m just happy other people are doing well. Bitch.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Hilary Duff in A Bikini

By Lex February 05, 2016 @ 7:23 AM

Hilary Duff Bikini Pokies In Maui
Hilary Duff just finalized her divorce from that dude who used to play hockey. She was never able to accept his drinking or or strip club visits or the way he spoke or the fact that he felt breakfast was an important meal or that he played hockey or didn’t like The Wire or breathed or had a penis. She tried to reconcile with him last year because they have a little kid but she quit when she caught him flirting with a waitress. Motherfucker. Not everybody is cut out to be married. The ceremony remains optional. Quit making broken home white offspring when there’s rows and rows of black babies in the Duty Free at Senou International just waiting to be purchased. Nice nipples. Lucky kid.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet