Shakira Hot Midget Abs And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 12, 2015 @ 2:00 PM


If you like teeny tiny chicks who belly dance after giving birth, Shakira is your girl. Her husband beats her if he sees men checking her out, so let that weigh on your conscience.

See for yourself. (Drunken Stepfather)

Genevieve Morton’s ass is fucking breathtaking. (Last Men On Earth)

Katelyn Pascavis is topless in the sea like a mermaid who doesn’t have a fish vagina. (Egotastic All-Stars)

UFC fighter Travis Brown is porking scary lady Ronda Rousey. (TMZ)

Who says Canadian chicks can’t be hot? (The Chive)

Camila Morrone in lingerie is faptacular. (Hollywood Tuna)

Stacy Keibler has some sexy stems. (Popoholic)

Stephanie Smith Seems Fit

By Lex October 12, 2015 @ 1:07 PM

Stephanie Smith Arm Bra Stripdown
I’d never tell an attractive model how to maintain her looks. Except this Australian chick. Lay off the military press. Strong women with six packs and muscular arms frighten me. I think they’re supposed to. The addition of perfect tits isn’t a counter balance, it’s a trap. A man can’t be comfortable in a relationship where his many faults are going to result in a beat down. The first time she pins you in front of your friends you’ll regret how amazing she looked in a tight sweater.

Photo Credit: Chuck Lang

Calvin Harris Tugged His Way to Freedom

By Lex October 12, 2015 @ 12:51 PM


Taylor Swift is splitting with the world’s highest paid DJ Calvin Harris because he got a rub and tug massage for two hours at a Thai parlor on Sunset. Calvin Harris claims he’s innocent because he’s British and thinks he can get away with shit by using his authoritative accent. I even believed Gary Glitter for a nanosecond. Nobody goes into a Thai massage storefront for sore shoulders unless that’s where your body is storing backed up jizz. Two hours probably means mom and daughter were brought in to go deep on the guy who’s rich for no apparent reason.

Harris might’ve gotten away with it if he wasn’t dating the single most untrusting girlfriend on the planet. Taylor Swift has made her entire music library and sympathetic persona off of being the cheated on girlfriend. If you don’t respond to texts within eleven seconds with a smiley face emoji her Paypal account triggers twenty grand to four former KGB assassins tasked with murdering you. They can’t be recalled. It’s a failsafe. Mommy needs to make more music. Stupid men.

Photo credit: Instagram

Kourtney Kardashian Daughter Takes One to the Chin

By Lex October 12, 2015 @ 11:11 AM

You’re a pretty sick bastard if the sight of a girl taking a car door to the face makes you laugh. I did. You can see the high-speed frame shots HERE.

People are criticizing Kourtney Kardashian for reflexively waiting for her nanny to appear on the scene to assist her daughter crying on the ground after taking a car door to the face in Malibu. Who doesn’t remember their oblivious mom peacocking them around town for the cameras and taking repeated Range Rover door panels to the grill. The entourage of nannies and security that follow the Kardashians on their public outings are trained to keep several paces off-camera so they don’t spoil what appears to be normal mom shit going down. It’s like FDR being stood up for his public speeches. America needed the reassurance. Kourtney can make more babies. This nanny has only one that keeps her rent paid. Reaction times adjusted accordingly.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Ana Braga White Bikini Squat

By Lex October 12, 2015 @ 8:39 AM

Ana Braga White Bikini Squat
Nobody squats quite like this oddly blond Brazilian chick. I used to think it was part of her model posing warmups, now I’m certain she’s relieving herself on the Miami Beach promenade. It’s not for anybody to judge the customs of foreign cultures. The Chinese gorge their food, the native Andeans engage in communal fistfights every December, Muslim jihadists like to murder women and babies. You’re either blindly supporting or you’re shaming. It’s a small small world.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Jessie James Decker Has At Least One Tit

By Lex October 12, 2015 @ 6:39 AM

Jessie James Decker Breast Feeds
That unsettling feeling you get when you aren’t totally clear on Eric Decker’s wife’s stance on breastfeeding. Here’s a hint. She for.

Jessie James Decker, the country singer who’s widely recognized as being both good looking and fertile, took to Instagram with pictures of herself, her right tit and her second baby to promote her new hashtag, #normalizebreastfeeding. Decker claims she’s been receiving negative comments about her breastfeeding photos from trolls who don’t think she should be posting pictures of her baby on her tit because the baby is making it super hard to tug one while their mom’s out buying them cereal.

“Here’s a closer look to those accusing me of ‘posing’ this. Here’s the shot I took before but thought maybe it was too visual. Now I don’t care. Enjoy #normalizebreastfeeding,

By the commutative property of hashtags, you believe that normalizing breastfeeding holds the same value as BlackLivesMatter and BigTitCreamPie. Powerful axioms are why you don’t just got inventing hashtags because you’re bored during the season when your husband is gone. The breastfeeding fake victimization has been done before. Bring us something fresh.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Raven-Symone Doesn’t Like Black Folks And Shit Around The Web

By Jack October 09, 2015 @ 12:00 PM


Former Cosby kid and wayward soul Raven-Symone said on The View that she purposefully doesn’t hire people with “Black People” names. Damn Dr. Huxtable raped the sane right out of her.

Read all about Raven’s cultural confusion. (TMZ)

Justin Bieber shows off his bare dick, I don’t know, show your girlfriend. (Last Men On Earth)

Kimberly Leeman is naked in Fire City: End of Days. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Nina Dobrev sure is cleavy. (Drunken Stepfather)

Vain girls take half-naked pictures in mirrors. (The Chive)

Yara Khmidan in a bikini is a wonderful thing. (Hollywood Tuna)

Mila Kunis is my kind of MILF, hot and busty. (Popoholic)

Kardashians Paying Scott Disick $20 Million to STFU

By Lex October 09, 2015 @ 11:52 AM


In the category of biggest winning loser, not many can compete with Scott Disick. This lounge-about drunk has done nothing with his life but fuck and vacation his way into some serious cash. It’s a great gig if you can get it. Disick earned upwards of fifteen million playing the role of hard drinking but lovable scoundrel baby daddy to Kourtney Kardashian for several years on their aborted family fetus highlight reel on E!. Now, the fucked up first family is putting together a package of $20 million in blood diamonds to get him to sign a forever binding shut the fuck up NDA. The document would compel Disisck to reply to questions about anything Kardashian with either ‘OMG, what a great family! or ‘I’m positive the missing charity money went to a good cause’.

Given how much is already known about this whore clan, it’s hard to imagine what could be worth a small fortune to keep buried in the closet. Disick does have what no other gone clear ex-cult member possesses. Stories about the supremely fake and staged lives of the Kardashian monied midgets and the legitimacy among their same fan base to blow it up something fierce. If they didn’t fear his tell-all, they wouldn’t be filling Gucci bags with cash for the drop. The only hope is he gets so fucked up on rum and rum he forgets that being rich is far better than being honest. If Disick isn’t at least a U.S. Senator by 2020, I’d be surprised.

Photo credit: Getty Images