Kendall Jenner Nipple Code

By Lex July 07, 2015 @ 1:48 PM

Kendall Jenner Hand Bra
Kendall Jenner posted a selfie with her hand over her nipple and labeled it ‘coffee?’. If she had the cognitive capacity above crustacean, this might be a double-entendre. But I think she’s actually asking somebody for a coffee. Her assistants, a fan, her gay dad who turned himself into a woman so nobody could accuse him of being technically gay. Bitch be bringing home the paycheck here. She can’t exactly use her phone for calls. Somebody grab her a god damned Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte. The definition of work has changed. You think Obama has to ask twice for a cup of joe? Stopped being sexist.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Instagram

Subway’s Jared May Have Stuck His Six-Inch Where It Didn’t Belong

By Matt July 07, 2015 @ 1:03 PM

Fogle

It was only a matter of time, but Subway’s Jared Fogle’s home has been probed in connection with a child porn ring. Let the judicial system play out but that guy’s not normal. Daddy always said you never trust a Fogle. This comes two months after the head of the Fogle Foundation, ostensibly aimed at fighting childhood obesity, was arrested on child porn charges, promptly fired, and then attempted suicide and is now on life support. Pussy. It was reported that Fogle ran a porn video trade out of his dorm room while at Indiana University, although there is no insinuation there was anything illegal going on besides some possible copyright violations, which are frowned upon nearly as much as producing child porn. It seems possible a few before and after pics of a kid who lost weight on meatball heroes could constitute child porn. Yet the attempted suicide is what some might call a tell. So is Fogle’s face. Whether or not he is guilty I hope this is enough to get him off my fucking television and out of my life. It’s been twenty years of hell. Bad for the kids too apparently.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Ariana Grande Licks Holes And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 07, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Minuscule diva Ariana Grande was spotted in a donut shop’s security footage licking a bunch of donuts and then not buying them. If it’s a fetish, I’m down with it, but I want to do it with you. Otherwise I’m just getting the herp without any of the fun.

Watch her lick the sweet hole. (TMZ)

Lexy Stevens’ bikini can barely contain her titties. (Egotastic)

Whoopi Goldberg is just mad Cosby never tried to get with her. (Huffington Post)

Miranda Kerr doesn’t need a stupid bra. (Drunken Stepfather)

Victoria Silvstedt has some serious knockers. I’d like to motorboat them all night. (Hollywood Tuna)

Selena Gomez uses her fake tits to sell Adidas. (Popoholic)

Hot girls tugging on their clothes. (The Chive)

Kelly Monaco Bikini Tug

By Lex July 07, 2015 @ 10:11 AM

Kelly Monaco Thong Tug In Malibu
Kelly Monaco is one of the few former Playboy Playmates to have worked her way into legit acting gigs. She’s been starring on afternoon soap operas for women who can’t cum since right after her nude modeling. That doesn’t mean she’s lost her touch for the leering men masturbatory bikini adjustments at the beach. That’s drilled day one of the how to get noticed class in Big Chested Girl Camp. Visit there sometime during horseback riding block. I hope when I’m seventy I can get a forty year old girlfriend like Kelly and some jealous asshole on here can write shit about me.  I’m drafting some stuff now.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Charlie Riina Topless Salesperson of the Month

By Lex July 07, 2015 @ 9:48 AM

Charlie Riina Nip Slip On Mulholland Drive
I don’t care what product you’re moving, get a chick with big blown up tits in sunglasses and a leather jacket and you are half way toward your sales goal for the month. Why do we even have advertising agencies? You thinking about buying a truck? How about that Ford 150 over there with the topless chick rubbing her tanned fake titties across the rims. Yes, we take checks. No, she’s cash only.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Paris Hilton Working the Holidays

By Lex July 07, 2015 @ 8:26 AM

Paris Hilton Bikini Top For 4th of July In Las Vegas
Nobody is more American than Paris Hilton. She is the invisible hand that tugs the cock of capitalism. No matter where Paris is at any given time or what she is doing, she is getting paid. She doesn’t need to work. Her sister doesn’t. She wants to work. For about an hour last week the world was flummoxed as to whether or not Paris Hilton was in on her Dubai Air Crash prank show. Then everybody remembered she landed safely and grimaced simultaneously. That’s one million bones. Paris’ herpes sores swell into likenesses of the local currency symbols no matter where she is in the world. This is the game. Paris is winning.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Miesha Tate In Shape

By Matt July 07, 2015 @ 7:56 AM

Tate

UFC fighter Miesha Tate posted a photo of her ass to Instagram most likely out of boredom or insecurity or possibly a keen flare for self promotion. Don’t get your hopes up she’s banging a cauliflower eared psycho named Mike Caraway. The type of guy who breaks pool cues over your back in a roadhouse. Tate also saved his mom’s life on a snorkeling trip as you would imagine. When they get down to banging hotel rooms get destroyed and towel racks get broken. She twice lost an eye. I’d definitely let her put me in a figure four leg lock and tap out with my balls. Squats are good for you. Getting punched in the face not so much. Still, that ass. Put on these cuffs and don’t turn around. Yes I believe in romance.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Bill Cosby Smoking Gun

By Matt July 07, 2015 @ 7:33 AM

COS

Bill Cosby testified in 2005 to buying Quaaludes and Benadryl to drug women he wanted to have sex with. He admitted to drugging Andrea Constand with at least thee tablets of Benadryl yet somehow avoided jail time because that didn’t sound creepy at the time. Plus it’s just Benadryl. And rape. The case was eventually settled, freeing Cosby up to continue his rampant rape marathon. Cosby’s lawyers had been successful at keeping the testimony blocked, claiming it would embarrass him. That’s true, it is kind of embarrassing to be a rapist or a murderer. Yet typically the concern is more for the victims and we still released the name of Hitler. No word on whether Cosby crushed up the pills with a pestle and mortar in his basement laboratory while watching his rape attacks on a Super 8 projector. Either way, now would be the time to play the race card. Again.

Photo Credit: BillCosby.com