Lena Dunham spends a lot of time working the fat shaming meme for fun and profit. The self-described actress and writer posted a picture of her old man swollen prostate gunt to Instagram long enough for it to be seen by millions of innocents who probably did shitty things in their past lives. Dunham waited some period of time then removed the photo citing the destructive nature of body disparaging trolls on the horizon:
Just an FYI, I don’t delete because I’m ashamed of my body — I delete because certain pics become hot beds for negativity. You think I want a teenager visiting my page and seeing a zillion comments about how fat I am? No, because that is hurtful to any person struggling, comparing, contrasting. So since the trollz came out, I will instead share a pic of me shining bright on my rightful throne.
Who could have expected this close up of your Nutella-filled pubic area would become a hot bed for negativity? Why not post a picture of a Pope doll hanging ragged out of your rectum and act shocked that so many people had nasty things to say. It’s all about the teenagers. For fuck’s sake, stop saying that. You’re trying to promote your new website featuring your Freshman lit overwritten short stories. Who’s shameless now, you Lucky Brand destroying self-involved suckling muffin?
At some point this chick is going to shove that bottle directly up her twat and finally move some water. It’s the natural next step in using sex to sell a product nobody wants. You might pay twenty bucks to watch this Cybergirl grind a pole, but try ordering water at a strip club and see where that lands you. I like my thumbs. Now, lower your hands and I’m good for a case.
I don’t know the precise construction of ass, but at some point if you keep pumping it full of saline and evaporated fat, it’s going to explode like any other container. Khloe Kardashian may have spotted an opening in the family whore tote board race to the Cadillac, but she’s playing with physics fire. That diaper she’s wearing isn’t going to do squat to limit the blast radius. Clear a three block perimeter and send in the RC robot to detonate that shit burger. O.J. can make more daughters.
Tyga wrote a song about how ‘Stimulated’ he gets for teen pussy. It’s a love song of sorts for Kylie Jenner who tries to appear natural in the video even as her low credit score rapper boyfriend is scratching out Jared Fogle inspired lyrics on his detective notepad.
They say she young, I shoulda waited She a big girl, dog, when she stimulated She a big girl, dog I’m gonna do what the fuck I wanna do when I wanna do She a big girl, dog I’m puttin’ in, I’m penetratin I’m gettin’ big, I’m stimulated.
Now that it’s in music video format, everybody can act up in arms about the statutory rape that nobody cared about before. It’s Calabasas, Jake. Mom wants her kids to fuck for fame. Vagina Dad wants eat crackers off a dick. And Child Protective Services doesn’t have time to remember the entry codes at gated communities. Why not write a song about fucking teen girls? Call it Stimulated. Call it My Baby Making Black Thunder Cock Is Banging White High School Girls and You Can’t Do Shit. You’ve already won. Take a lap.
Britney Spears spent six months on hiatus from her Vegas show to work out, make smart nutrition a part of her lifestyle, and attend her boys’ soccer games without a bra to remind the neighbors she once filled the Tokyo Dome. She still looks thick. Maybe it’s the settling effect. Or the costumes. Something isn’t working. It’s possible that Mississippi just sticks something voodoo fierce. She could be absorbing fat through a subterranean network of tubes acting much like a virtual grease trap. Or it’s the Cool Whip. Some things you can’t dance away. Leave dad his thirty percent at the door. Nobody gets skinny in the asylum.
Paris Hilton flew into Poland where she’s the big name get for Poland Fashion Week. The previous big get at Poland Fashion Week was a billy goat that looked strikingly like Lech Walesa. Hilton DJed the big pre-show party, pressing the PLAY button and holding her hands up to her headphones to hear her Galaxy text to speech read all the dirty emails from her Polish suitors. Hilton just dropped her 18th signature fragrance onto the market certifying her commercial stink as the most purchased celebrity scent in the history of all things bought by people with image problems. She can’t lose for winning. Money can’t buy you a tracking retina, but it can pay for a pretty sweet mixing board with lots of controls that guy at Radio Shack told you never to touch. Every time you hate Paris Hilton, she makes another dollar. Still cheaper than loving her. Either way, you get herpes. Save your money.
Nothing says pay no attention to the crappy music in the background like taped up, strung up, and largely revealed tits. Stop looking at my cold sores. Have you seen my tits? Last nights VMAs set a new record for tits. Singers showed off their tits. Actresses showed off their tits. Whatever Chrissy Teigen is showed off her tits. Britney Spears tits were so dominant hardly anybody noticed Kuato emerging from her knees. Who dies next on MTV? Nobody with tits if everything is running smoothly.
WWE legend and black person hater Hulk Hogan is sad because people think he’s a racist because he said all those racist things. He got so down he contemplated suicide. He really thinks all men are brothers, brother.