Batman vs. Superman Dawn of Justice Trailer (VIDEO)

By Lex April 17, 2015 @ 12:31 PM

Batman_vs_Superman_Dawn_of_Justice

We don’t get many coherent letters. J.R. noted we have had lousy tits today so why not show the leaked Batman vs. Superman trailer. I have no good answer for rhetorical questions. Best guess is a Peruvian on $5 Insanity busted into a screening room and captured the trailer on his cell phone. He was later arrested and sent to the soccer stadium you don’t come home from. The trailer was supposed to come out Monday, but tech nerd is the new strong so it was inevitable this shit would get pilfered early. As a summary, two hot brooding dudes in capes and latex wrestle until one surrenders. If you can’t wait a year for the movie to come out, visit the gayest bar in your vicinity on any given Saturday to witness the same in a cage. Take that, Taliban. We win.

Jaime King Can’t Stop

By Lex April 17, 2015 @ 12:06 PM

Jaime King Wears See Through Dress While Pregnant
Jaime King just can’t get over the fact that some unhappy dudes on the Internet say means things to women about their bodies. I relate to the feeling. I once read a post from this guy in Indiana who claimed Attack of the Clones is the best Star Wars film. I couldn’t sleep for weeks knowing that tidal wave of thought was out there. King could take into consideration that some small slice of every population just outright sucks, but then she’d have nothing to tout in Elle magazine about gestational shaming:

Nobody’s standing up to say this is wrong. Pregnancy is very sacred and important moment in someone’s life. [But] the fact is that nobody should be body shamed. Nobody should be torn apart for being too thin or too fat or too this or too that.”

One percent of people on social media are writing plainly nasty comments. Four percent are chanting Death to America and posting beheading photos with LOLs. Ten percent are posting pictures of cats. The vast majority are still vegetable like sycophants who will give you a ‘go girl’ just for re-hashing empty slogans. You’re going to be fine. I mean, maybe order a sandwich or something. You are eating for one now. Body shamed!

Photo Credit: Getty

Selena Gomez in A Bikini

By Lex April 17, 2015 @ 11:12 AM

Selena Gomez Bikini In Mexico
There’s a new directive for female celebrities posting online. Social statement or get the fuck out. Gender pay gap, rape culture, and body shaming are the trending three right now.Selena Gomez tap danced into body shaming, posting pictures of herself looking in a bikini and declaring:

I love being happy with me yall #theresmoretolove.

Adopting black culture is a shonda, but appropriating BBW culture seems to be cool. There’s more of you to love? You weigh ninety pounds wet. Not soaking wet, just intimately moist, as I imagine you to be when taking selfies of your fine body and pretending you’re a suffragette. Somebody needs to remind the pretty girls that they don’t do student council. They do cheerleading. You start fucking with the natural order and you’re left with chaos. The captain of the football team sleeps with the fat girl on oboe and the earth will go dystopian faster than you can say popular teen novel series. Let’s walk those hashtags back to #BikiniFuckable and we’ll actually be moving forward.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Coco and Sister Lock Pubes

By Lex April 17, 2015 @ 9:39 AM

Coco Bikini Yoga
I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be aroused by this flesh formation or bring it to New York in chains for an open air circus that wildly threatens public safety. I have to admire the sister on the bottom for her strength and steadiness. Also her willingness to contract crabs. This routine is one midget in a devil costume away from genius.

Photo Credit: Instagram/Blackmen SSX Tribute Magazine

Rue Nails Miley Cyrus for Robbing Black Culture

By Lex April 17, 2015 @ 9:24 AM

Miley Cyrus Hiking In A Sports Bra
The chick who played Rue, the cute as a button black girl destined to die in a tear jerking scene in the first Hunger Games, created a video criticizing Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, and other whiteys for misappropriating black culture:

In 2013, Miley Cyrus twerks and uses black women as props, and then in 2014, in one of her videos called This Is How We Do, Katy Perry uses Ebonics and hand gestures and eats watermelons while wearing cornrows, before cutting inexplicably to a picture of Aretha Franklin. So as you can see, cultural appropriation was rampant.

Rue, teen actress Amanda Sternberg, also notes Kesha, Madonna, and Taylor Swift routinely dress and draw content and visuals straight from typically black culture. But then, so what? If cornrows, grills, gang signs, and twerking gets you mega cash in 2015, of course people are going to steal it for themselves. I’m sure crunchy organic farmers are pissed that mega agri-corps are now labeling their products organic as well by the narrowest of margins, but that’s because that’s what sells on the shelves. If Kesha stuck to white people shit like eating liverwurst sandwiches and fearing sex she’d still be living in her car reeking of urine. Thanks to adopting black culture, only one of those things is true.

The fact that traditionally black cultural elements are super popular among white suburban mall kids should be a good thing. These crackers think hip hop is their ticket to acceptance. The Kardashians will only meld with black men. I understand that’s embarrassing as shit, but frame it as racial progress rather than cultural identify theft and you’ll be a much happier person. They’re still going to make the black characters die first in sci-fi movies. We’re not all the way home yet.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Jordana Brewster Not Really Nude

By Lex April 16, 2015 @ 1:12 PM

Jordana Brewster Strategic Nudes For Allure Magazine
There’s nothing more heinous than advertising naked women then angling out all the money shots. Maybe genocide. Depending on who were talking about. Rwanda cough cough. Every year Allure magazine touts a bunch of Hollywood actresses in their nude issue without any real nudity. Zuckerberg could look at these photos without seizing. I can’t believe we’re busting rappers for weed while these magazine bastards go unpunished. I’d pay four bucks to see Jordana Brewster naked. I’d not pay four bucks to see her not naked. Do you see what just happened there? I just wasted four bucks at the newstand. Where do I go to get my dignity back?

Photo Credit: Allure Magazine