Eva Marcille Politely Requests You Stare at Her Tits

By Lex October 24, 2014 @ 11:26 AM

Eva Marcille Reveals Boob As She Attends Premiere For Sister Code
I like when actresses I don’t know show off their tits on the red carpet. It forces me into journalst mode though I have no formal training or I formal clue in that regard. Who is this woman? What has she been in? What are her dreams and hopes and aspirations. That seems like a lot of work merely to justify hoping her breasts fall out of her top. You do it.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Taylor Swift Shakes It All Off

By Lex October 24, 2014 @ 10:06 AM

Taylor Swift Wears Bra And Leggings While Performing On Jimmy Kimmel Live
People got kind of pissed last night when Hollywood Boulevard got shut down for a Taylor Swift outdoor pop performance for Jimmy Kimmel. Even the ex-con costumed characters agreed to stop fighting over turf and come together in their hatred toward Taylor Swift for crapping out their unlicensed panhandling for an evening. In your face pedo-Chewbacca, according to Taylor Swift, her music and her muse is currently all about telling the haters that they can’t touch her or the camel toe she was flashing:

“You know what? If you’re upset and irritated that I’m just being myself, I’m going to be myself more, and I’m having more fun than you so it doesn’t matter.”

I’m pretty sure she borrowed eloquence from Dr. King on that one. Taylor’s ‘I don’t care’ attitude is an evolution from her ‘why is everybody picking on me’ doctrine of previous years. It signals she’s made the leap from grammar school to middle school thinking which should please her developmental therapist. As for me, I just like when the music stops and the bad people and their traffic go away.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet/PacificCoastNews/AKM-GSI

Stella Maxwell Wears Underwear Super Well

By Lex October 24, 2014 @ 8:58 AM

Stella Maxwell Wears Underwear For Urban Outfitters
This chick seems to be getting a lot of jobs. Probably all those IT certifications on her resume. Maybe her perfectly tight ass which says to the world, I don’t need no fucking IT certifications. I’ll find a guy to set up my email. Good for you, sweetheart. The biggest mistake people make in life is wasted effort.

Photo Credit: Urban Outfitters

Ebola Takes Manhattan

By Lex October 24, 2014 @ 8:36 AM

Bellevue-Hospital-in-New-York

New York has Ebola. Wonderful. Now the rest of us get to hear about how New York Ebola is better than Ebola everywhere else. Dr. Craig Spencer traveled to Guinea last month to help patients with Ebola. Medical workers and family members throwing themselves onto the rotting corpses of their Ebola stricken loved ones represent by far the single highest risk category for Ebola contagion. But Dr. Spencer wanted to get back home to shtup the fiancee, cough on people in the subway, and go bowling with the boys in Brooklyn. They’re all shut down or quarantined now since Spencer was hauled off by plastic wrapped EMTs with a 103 degree fever and that water that makes everything in New York just taste better shooting out of his ass.

The Mayor of New York, his lesbian wife, whichever Cuomo is now Governor, and the new Ebola Czar got right on this situation by pretending to make important phone calls, mostly to one another. Obama vowed to cut back on U.S. funding for radio commercials in Western Africa encouraging people with bleeding eyes and calamitous diarrhea to visit America where the toilet paper makes your Ebola ass feel like a king.

I’m not sure why high-risk travelers feel it’s a groovy idea to re-enter the U.S. while potentially infected. According to Doctors Without Borders, they have all their West African returning physicians test themselves daily for any signs of the virus. Don’t they have rectal thermometers and Day Planners back in Africa? Better yet, Belgium, where all the Ebola travelers grab a quick waffle on their way to effortlessly transporting the virus across the rest of the world. It just takes three weeks of normal temps to assure you’re all good. That doesn’t seem like too much to ask to prevent killing innocent people just trying to get their bowl on in Brooklyn. Even the Ebola virus has to be thinking, what the fuck America, this was supposed to be harder.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Yes, You Are the Only Sad Fuck Who Didn’t Get Screwed By His Hot Teacher in High School

By Lex October 23, 2014 @ 2:46 PM

Ashley-Zehnder-Headshot

There are some social criminal phenomenons clearly blown out of proportion by the cable and digital news ratings whores. 24×7 coverage of school shootings belies the fact that you’re far more likely to be killed getting to and from high school each day than by a disaffected suburban kid with guns. One phenomenon I’m pretty sure actually is real is lady teachers banging the shnozz out of their boy students. This isn’t just saturated coverage, this is saturated teacher pussy grinding on teen boys. Every ten seconds in America, an English teacher is begging a junior to make her cum like a Dickensian whore.

Ashley Zehnder did nothing other than love a student at her Houston area high school. There’s nothing wrong with love. Or fucking because you’re in love. Or just fucking and pretending you’re in love. Ashley didn’t even seek out this taboo boot knocking. The cunning  kid was on high school cheerleading squad overseen by Ashley for the only reason virile young men join the cheerleading team, they’re trying to get laid. What the hell was Ashley Zehnder to do? Perhaps not Snapchat a nude picture of herself for this braggart to send all around school. That might have lacked foresight.

Her young lover spilled the beans as soon as he was questioned. The downfall of predators everywhere. Those stupid kids and their Twitter texting devices. It used to be your could bang your underaged plaything and tell them you’d have to murder their parents if you told anyone. Now, everybody’s posted everything to Facebook faster than you can threaten them. Women picked an unfortunate technological era to begin raping their male students.

Sally Fitzgibbons Surfs Professionally

By Lex October 23, 2014 @ 12:58 PM

Professional Surfer Sally Fitzgibbons Shows Off Her Athletic Body On The Beach In Australia
Who doesn’t like surfer girls. They’re hot tom boys with Australian accents who will never make you hold their purse at the mall. They don’t even have a purse. They have knapsack and it’s filled with industrial lube they need to use you sexually to get loose before a competition. If she let’s me use her car when she travels, that’s my version of a perfect relationship.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI