By Travis May 30, 2014 @ 2:00 PM
Liberty Ross’s divorce from director Rupert Sanders is finally complete, according to TMZ, and the model/actress has once again proven to the world that if a wealthy man is stupid enough to cheat in open daylight, he deserves to have his bank account torn to pieces. The divorce stemmed from Rupert’s affair with Kristen Stewart on the set of Snow White and the Huntsman, which Liberty also acted in, and because he couldn’t find a better place than the back seat of a car to fuck the most boring girl in Hollywood, Liberty is said to have made off with more than half of his assets. Meanwhile, when asked about the divorce, Kristen probably just brushed her hair to one side and bit her lip while looking at the ground, and then someone labeled her the most daring and compelling talent of her generation, because we’re all just big fucking idiots.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Travis May 30, 2014 @ 1:00 PM
Charlize Theron is about to become a widespread target for outrage and hate after she compared what us nosey shitheads on the Internet do to rape. A reporter for Sky News asked her what it’s like to know that if you Google her name, the results are stories about her and Sean Penn or what she wore to an event instead of the movies that she’s in or charity work that she’s performing. She responded that her “saving grace” is that she doesn’t ever Google her name, but when people do search their names or read the stories about them, they “feel raped.” It’s a stupid comparison, sure, but piling on is pointless, seeing as the almighty “How dare you” army of Twitter is already at her door with torches and their flags of loneliness. Fortunately, if it becomes too overwhelming, Sean can distract everyone by acting like a huge asshole, and then go on to win an Oscar.
By Travis May 30, 2014 @ 11:00 AM
Let’s take a moment to check in with Courtney Stodden and her hilariously fake tits, as they’ve all turned to a web series to continue her quest to beg America to make her a star. On the latest episode of Courtney Naturally, her mom Krista stopped by to share childhood pictures with everyone. Old pictures? Mom, you are so embarrassing! Seriously, stop reminding the few thousand people who watch this shit that your daughter was once a normal, cute teenager with a bright future. Courtney is a full-grown woman now, already divorced from a guy more than twice her age, and rocking a set of fake tits that would make most porn stars say, “That’s a little much.” Oh Courtney, you’re so normal and open, how are you not an A-list movie star already?
By Travis May 30, 2014 @ 10:00 AM
There’s not a person alive, cursed with knowledge of the existence of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, who thinks that their wedding last weekend was going to be anything but a display of narcissistic bullshit and a reminder to everyone in attendance that they think they’re the most important people in the world. According to Page Six, though, it was so much worse than we could have imagined, from all of the bathrooms being set up in a 49-foot tall golden box that was dubbed the toilet tower to Jaden Smith running around the room, breaking everyone’s drinking glasses. But the best moment for Kanye was probably when he didn’t like the one-of-a-kind $136,000 music system created just for this wedding, because the speakers were visible and he allegedly said, “You Italians don’t understand my Minimalist style,” before having it removed. And the best moment for Kim reportedly involved her walking into a beam of light and freaking out because it was illuminating her vagina.
Other than that, it was a pretty standard wedding that featured Justin Bieber fans trying to scale the castle walls, Kanye giving a 45-minute toast to himself, John Legend playing a marble piano, and Andrea Bocelli signing and then being told to go home. Just like anyone else, really.
Photo Credit: Kim Kardashian’s Instagram
By Travis May 30, 2014 @ 9:00 AM
Mariah Carey decided that instead of simply attending the Fresh Air Fund Salute to American Heroes Gala last night in New York City with her tits hanging out like she normally would, she’d make an adventure of journey to the event, and share it with everyone on Vine and Instagram. Her idea of humor seems to be sexually-transmitted from her husband, Nick Cannon, who is about as funny as a dozen babies in a wood-chipper, because she thought it would be a trip to put on her tit-revealing gown and take the subway and a cab to her big event. But along the way, to prove what a pair of huge tits of the people she is, she stopped to let normal people compliment her on her gown, because she’s really just like the rest of us, except much wealthier and locked into a fake marriage that nobody believes is real.
By Travis May 29, 2014 @ 2:00 PM
One of the reasons why Twitter is so stupid and useless is because 99% of it is bullshit, from the celebrity ass-kissers to the people pretending to be celebrities. So if someone whispers to you that they have a big secret that someone paid for followers, you probably won’t shit your pants in absolute shock and disbelief. But In Touch still has the mother of all exclusives about Kendall Jenner, or the only hot Kardashian sister if you have trouble keeping track of them. According to the sleuthing of the century, about 4.6 million of Kendall’s 7.9 million Twitter followers are “fake or inactive,” which means that instead of almost 8 million idiot followers, she only has about 3.4 million idiot followers. Fuck Benghazi, this is the real scandal that needed to be blown wide open, and it’s only a matter of time before Kendall is taken into custody and handled appropriately for her fame-whoring crimes.
Photo Credit: Getty