Courtney Stodden Makes Cheesecake Factory Fun

By Travis May 20, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

For all of her lack of talent and general ridiculousness, Courtney Stodden seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. For instance, unlike former Teen Mom star and eventual porn one-hit wonder Farrah Abraham, Courtney isn’t pretending to be coy about her alleged sex tape. The 18-year old blow-up doll come to life claims that she made a sex tape with her 52-year old husband right after she became legal, and she wanted to let hackers and thieves know that they’re not going to find that tape on her computer or in her home, meaning that she expects to be paid.

But whereas Farrah is out shopping for mansions that she can’t possibly afford, Courtney is still keeping it real and getting lunch at the Cheesecake Factory like normal people. I don’t know what she ordered, but I’m guessing it was a hot dog or a banana, and she walked around moaning and cooing. Amazingly, that would still be the most normal thing she’s done this week.

(Photo Credits: Winston Burris/WENN.com)

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Someone Threatened To Kill Chris Brown

By Travis May 20, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Singer Chris Brown was on hand at last night’s Billboard Music Awards to perform his latest single, “Fine China”, and because he’s like a geography lesson come to life, the performance included Chinese-themed backdrops and Asian backup dancers. Brown also showed off a variety of new dance-fight moves, possibly to let any interested ladies know what they can expect on the first date, but more likely to inform any would-be assassins out there know that he won’t go down without a fight.

According to TMZ, the threat is alive and well, as an unknown man has been phoning in death threats to Brown’s attorney, Mark Geragos. The severity or specificity of the threats are unknown, but if the caller claimed that he was going to slap and tickle Brown to death, my money is on Drake.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Tags: chris brown, death threats |

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Avril Lavigne And Chad Kroeger Are Twinsies

By Travis May 20, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

The 2013 Billboard Music Awards took place last night in Las Vegas, as Taylor Swift won a whopping eight awards to lead the stars in attendance. Justin Bieber performed twice and won three awards, and even Madonna stopped trying to conquer Castle Grayskull for one night so she could accept three awards as well, because kids these days just can’t get enough of the techno granny’s wicked house beats.

Canada’s first couple was also in attendance, as Avril Lavigne and Nickelback frontman Chad Kroeger showed up in matching black leather outfits to remind people that they’re the faces of modern rock music. And in that moment, an entire continent wondered, “Why can’t we get Ted Nugent and his assault rifles to focus on the real enemy?”

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Tags: 2013 Billboard Music Awards, avril lavigne, chad kroeger |

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Farrah Abraham Wants To Buy A $3 MM Mansion

By Travis May 17, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Depending on whom you believe, former Teen Mom “star” and current sex tape “star” Farrah Abraham made anywhere between $500,000 and $1.5 million for agreeing to make Farrah Superstar: Backdoor Teen Mom. Because this is America and Farrah is young and stupid, she’s already out shopping for a $3 million mansion that she can look forward to losing in foreclosure in 12 months, tops.

According to TMZ, Farrah has a home picked out in the celebrity neighborhood of The Oaks in Calabasas, which is home to Justin Bieber, Kourtney Kardashian and Romeo, among others. Obviously, the six figures that she reportedly earned for her porn debut won’t cover that hefty price tag, so Farrah (pictured above with the much more entertaining Riley Jensen) must be under the impression that her Kardashian-like fame is coming.

And I hope it does, and I really hope she gets that house. It’ll make the job that much easier when it comes time to drop one of those giant bombs on The Oaks, like in that movie Outbreak.

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Someone Stole $1 Million In Jewels At Cannes

By Travis May 17, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Sofia Coppola’s The Bling Ring is the true story of a group of regular nobodies who wanted to be famous so much that they stalked young celebrities via the internet to find out when they wouldn’t be home and then broke in and stole a bunch of shit from them. Some of the stars were big names like Orlando Bloom, Megan Fox and Rachel Bilson, while other stars like Paris Hilton and Audrina Partridge weren’t ever stars at all.

The film, starring Emma Watson and Claire Julien, debuted at Cannes yesterday, ironically while someone stole $1 million worth of jewels from the hotel room of an employee of Swiss jewelers Chopard, which supplies expensive accessories to many of the event’s stars. Amazingly, Lindsay Lohan has an alibi.

In the meantime, maybe the French detectives can figure out why Emma looks really hot at some events and awkward and geeky at others. She’s like a Seinfeld rerun come to life.

(Photo Credits: Getty)

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Tags: Cannes, emma watson, the bling ring |

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Cindy Crawford Still Has It

By Travis May 17, 2013 @ 9:00 AM

The 66th Cannes Film Festival kicked off in France yesterday, as some of the world’s biggest movie stars and celebrities hit the red carpet for the opening ceremonies. The event began with The Great Gatsby, so stars Leonardo DiCaprio and Carey Mulligan showed up to do their promotion duties, while celebrities from Steven Spielberg and Nicole Kidman to Beyonce’s sister and, for some unknown reason, David Hasselhoff got dressed up to party.

But screw all of them, because Cindy Crawford was there and her anti-aging skin care lotions must be made of leprechaun tears and unicorn jizz, because she looks fucking fantastic for 47. I’m not saying she looks perfect, but she should start hanging out with Cameron Diaz to look even younger.

(Photo Credits: WENN.com)