Sophie Turner looked a little gloomy yesterday on the beach in Sydney, maybe because you can’t walk 10 feet in Australia without tripping over some physically perfect sex machine. Here she gets tons of attention but down there, I don’t know of Australia has kids who shoot up their schools but if they do I bet they look like this and complain that they felt invisible.
OPIE AND ANTHONY – are offering $25,000 to any girl who can prove they had sex with Manti Te’o. Because even though he told Katie Couric yesterday that he was “far from gay”, being gay or a complete dumb fuck are the only possible explanations for the things he’s done. And that sweater. (opies twitter)
TINA TURNER – has apparently lived outside Zurich in Kuesnacht, Switzerland, since the mid 1990′s, is now renouncing her American citizenship and becoming a Swiss citizen. She hasnt given a statement or been interviewed about this yet, which is pretty amazing because how hard could it be to find Tina Turner in fucking Switzerland. (fox news)
STEVE WOZNIAK – is, of course, the co-founder of Apple, and he’s played by the great Josh Gad in the Steve Jobs movie starring Ashton Kutcher. After seeing the clip released yesterday, Wozniak said-and you may want to brace yourself- that they’re fucking everything up. “Not close…we never had such interaction and roles…I’m not even sure what it’s getting at.” To be fair that last part could describe most Ashton Kutcher performances. (gizmodo)
KATE UPTON – is in the January issue of Zoo magazine, but the pictures they use are actually from a shoot she did last year for a lingerie company. So I posted those instead. I also chopped some firewood and made those butterscotch cookies you like so much.
So here’s the opening segment of last nights Jimmy Kimmell show, when Matt Damon tied Kimmell to a chair and then hosted the show. But, as you no doubt guessed, the whole thing was fake and a scam for publicity, just like AIDS.
I’m not positive what ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ is, but I think it’s the show we stole from England and called ‘Dancing With The Stars’. Point is this is Aliona Vilani, and she’s on that show, and she went jogging on the boardwalk in Miami today while all our American models and TV stars sat around like a bunch of assholes doin nothin. It seems like every hot girl on here lately is some foreigner.
Someone who knows where Kate Upton lives should get a wolfman mask and plastic Halloween Wolverine claws, wait until she’s in the shower, and then chase her out of the house.
Britney Spears went on twitter to point out that Russell Crowe was basically wearing the same thing in the opening scene of ‘Les Miserables’ as she was in her video for ‘Toxic’, except that he buttoned his coat.
LOL. Cute hat @RussellCrowe. You wear it well. Maybe we should perform a Toxic/Work Song mashup ;)
Assuming this was a snide way of calling him a homosexual, Crowe found her and hit her in the head several times with his shoe. Russell Crowe takes twitter very very seriously.
LOUIS CK – has been witnessed peeping into windows and watching underage girls getting undressed, according to flyers posted in Huntington Beach. He’s not mentioned by name, so it may be a hoax or someone just used a picture that looked close enough, or maybe he really is doing it because how else are you supposed to watch underage girls take their clothes off? Most of them are so stuck-up they make a big deal out of everything. (huff post)
ASHTON KUTCHER – plays Ashton Kutcher in a parking garage in this first clip from the movie about Steve Jobs. It is not good. If I were the producer, I’d see if it was too late to dig Jobs up and work him around like a marionette. (mtv)
JJ ABRAMS – will direct ‘Star Wars: Episode VII’, the first Star Wars movie since Disney bought the rights for the franchise from George Lucas in October. So the first Star Wars movie with a chance of being good since ‘Empire Strikes Back’ in 1980. I just hope he doesn’t set the whole thing in space again. I mean we’ve already seen that like a million times. (la times)
KANYE WEST – went to the Martin Margiela show last night as part of Paris Fashion Week, but he should wear this outfit back in New York too. It’s a black guy with a ski mask cut by hand and pulling his coat closed as if he’s hiding something. What could possibly go wrong? (image source = fame/flynet)