Mindy McCready killed her dog then committed suicide

By brendon February 18, 2013 @ 10:54 AM

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Any sympathy I was going to fake for 37-year-old country singer Mindy McCready, who died yesterday in Heber Springs, Arkansas, after “what appears to be a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head” went right out the window with this Daily News headline…

Troubled country music star Mindy McCready, 37, kills her dog and then commits suicide

Why would you kill your dog, you awful bitch? Knowing she did that makes me glad she’s dead. She needed help and never got it. Binge drinking every day ruins your life (source: I’m from Earth, where every single person knows this). They shouldn’t even bury her. They should just boil her then bring a box of her fat bones to a shelter.

update: adding self-serving happy dog pictures to distract from this cunt, including a dog with “I Heart U” in his fur, a dog that plays with a polar bear (really, it’s fine), and a lion dog.

Kate Upton is still a really good dancer

By brendon February 15, 2013 @ 5:05 PM

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Wait, did I just accidentally imply that Genevieve Morton was every bit as hot as Kate Upton? Because that was before reader Tim emailed a video of Kate dancing in a new ad for Skullcandy.

So really this is Tim’s fault. I guess Tim thinks he’s on some kind of vacation and can just email videos of Kate Upton dancing whenever he gets around to it. Or maybe we all live on Tim Island and didn’t know it, and from now on we should all set our watches to Tim Time.

(and of course when i say that kate is “still” a good dancer…)

Genevieve Morton is highly, highly underated

By brendon February 15, 2013 @ 4:42 PM

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It’s an undisputed fact that short girls are better than tall girls and girls with big tits are better than everything, but Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Genevieve Morton is just as hot as Kate Upton, has even bigger tits, AND is South African meaning she has that sexy accent, yet somehow isn’t hugely famous.

It’s the weirdest thing and I don’t understand it all. It would be like living in a world where Superman was real, and no one had ever head of him.

(image source of genevieve in new york = inf, of genevieve with kate bock and emily didonato last night in vegas = wenn, getty)

Amanda Bynes wants to weigh 100 pounds

By brendon February 15, 2013 @ 4:15 PM

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All the health and diet experts say you’re supposed to establish fitness goals, but I guess that doesn’t include famous people because Amanda Bynes told Us magazine that her goal weight was 100 pounds and now everyone is freaking out.

(Bynes said): “I moved to New York City and I love it! I lost 4 lbs. since I moved. I’m 121 lbs — my goal is 100 lbs.”

Well, whatever, she’s only 4 and half feet tall, 100 pounds sounds about right. Oh what? She’s actually 5’8″? Well, whatever, what am I, her fucking biographer?

(image source of amanda in new york = splash)

Mariah Carey spent Valentines Day on twitter

By brendon February 15, 2013 @ 3:50 PM

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If there was any doubt that Mariah Carey was gonna be on her twitter all last night to document that her Valentines Day was more fantastic than yours, than I guess you’ve never heard of Mariah Carey because of course she did that.

Though to be honest it looked kinda shitty and unoriginal, which is to be expected because she’s married to Nick Cannon, and Nick Cannon is a complete fucking moron.

The only good part was when her dog jumped in the tub “in hopes …. of champagne”, which either implies that the bath is filled with champagne because that’s all Mariah will bathe in or that Mariah thinks dogs have thumbs. So I know the picture makes me hate her, I just have to decide on what she meant and then adjust my hate accordingly.

Faith Hill is “shockingly” thin now, apparently

By brendon February 15, 2013 @ 3:18 PM

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Every few months, some fat person will write an article about a famous person who is too skinny now, because fat people are real jealous and petty. It’s usually Angelina Jolie but this time it’s Faith Hill based on the way she looked at the Grammy Awards on Sunday. Radar says…

…the 45-year-old’s recent dramatic weight loss had taken a toll on her stunning looks.
“Her neck is extremely gaunt and her clavicles, they are ripping that bodice,” Dr. Fred Pescatore. 

…nutritional expert Dr. Majid Ali estimates 5’9″ Hill’s weight at as low as 115 pounds, and warns: “Her color and general look is good, but she should not go lower.”

Or maybe those Grammy logos are just really chubby and chunky and make her look skinny by comparison, did anyone think of that? Mariah Carey probably does this all the time.