Khloe Kardashian Posts Nude Ass Shot

The upside of Kardashian sibling rivalry is its singular focus on being fuckable by popular black male entertainers. Kimmy never came home with a 96 on her geometry examsetting off fits of academic testing jealousy. Kourtney wasn't going to nail that medical breakthrough... read more

Charlize Theron Reliving History

Reporters feel obliged to ask actors about how they personally relate to the character in their current movie and actors feel obliged to make up some bullshit answer. Everybody has to pretend that making movies is not simply pretend. That would make both sides seem... read more

Rose McGowan Can't Be Topless Enough

I'm not sure if Rose McGowan made a bet with a friend who she's just the only go-to named actress in Hollywood who will flash her bare cans for a reasonable rate, but she seems to be topless in half the style and arts magazines this month. I could explain how Rose is ten... read more

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Lindsay Lohan Pays Truck Driver She Smashed Into

Remember when Lindsay Lohan used to be drunk and high and drive her car into other people? Those were good times. A couple years ago she totaled her Porsche into the side of a truck she thought was just a figment of her imagination. At the time, Lindsay convinced her... read more

#asssscap

Khloe's new boyfriend posted an Instagram photo of her Mothra egg shaped cans with the hashtag #asssscap. I can only imagine the look of pride on his face when he invented that hashtag. If any girl on Twitter sobbed to Khloe about her boyfriend posting her body part... read more

Katy Perry Got Too Much Miley Tongue

Katy Perry knows this cheeky sexualized pop star act is just a bit. You do the Kissed a Girl thing and get half naked in your music videos because it sells records. Then you go home and slap on your fat girl sweatpants eat a pound of olive loaf while watching Hoda and... read more

Judge Sentences Justin Bieber to Death!

Justin Bieber faced the judge in Miami this morning after his DUI and expired license and street racing arrest and the judge gave him... $2500 bond. It was beyond exciting. CNN landed a helicopter on the courthouse rooftop with thirty-seven television reporters to cover... read more

Correction of David Copperfied Story

Last week we posted a satirical commentary making light of David Copperfield's upcoming nuptials with an irreverent aside to a past allegation against the well known magician. The fact is, that criminal allegation has been completely discounted and dismissed by the... read more

Hilary Duff Is Getting Divorced

After three years of E! exclusively preening and fawning every waking loving romantic moment of the Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie Hollywood magical marriage, it's over. Up until two days ago, the P.R. shill news outlet was still reporting the incredible love affair between... read more

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Somebody's Going to Vegas (And It's Not Farrah Abraham, She Doesn't Like Us)

Congratulations to some dude who calls himself Andrew. In the sea of entries of people with hardships so powerful I became too depressed to play my Scatchers, Andrew nailed the best reason why he deserves this killer trip to Vegas for Memorial Day Weekend. Andrew, don't... read more

You've Got 12 Hours Left to Win That Big Fucking Trip to Vegas

That's Suzy Favor Hamilton, the former Olympic track star who got not so right in the head and was secretly working as a high-dollar escort in Vegas. I'm not promising you'll hook up with a mentally troubled hot former Olympic athlete when you're in Vegas, but if you win... read more

Do You Like Vegas? Do You Want a $6500 Memorial Day Weekend Trip?

Oh, no, he's selling out again! Devotees of awkwardly constructed personal principles hate Vegas to begin with, but for the rest of you who might want a three night, three day, hotel, airfare, transportation, and VIP nightclub trip to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend for... read more