Coke Tries To Pull “New Coke” a Second Time

July 31, 2017 | crap around the web | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

You only get one chance to run a successful marketing ploy. Coke managed to boost its sales exponentially back in ’85 by introducing New Coke and then giving in to “popular demand” a few months later to sell suckers Coke Classic.

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Top Flight Security Turned Felon On First Day

July 30, 2017 | crap around the web | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

A true crime story from the instant gratification culture of millennials. They need the short version of everything they’re involved in, even crime. 

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Julio Jones Is Real Life Rose From Titanic

July 29, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Would a construction worker bring fine white garments to a site and expect to not get dirty? So why bring earrings the price of a small house with you jet skiing?

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Gina Rodriguez Masturbation Absolution

July 28, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Priests have screwed up whole generations of Catholics, telling girls they should feel guilty for tickling the taco all while luring their male classmates into the confessional for a diddle.

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Robert Pattinson Pilfering Porn Dealer

July 28, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Say what you want about Robert Pattinson, but I’ve got to hand it to him. When his lesbian girlfriend cheated on him in broad daylight, he at least had the cojones to dump her ass. 

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Rick Ross Keeps It Real

July 28, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Rick is dead set on proving his macho street cred after a couple of pussifying incidents involving his former work as a correctional officer.

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Kim K Has Third Baby On The Way

July 27, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

After two kids Kim is realizing the stresses of pregnancy are for the poor and underprivileged. Surrogacy is in. That or her lower half couldn’t handle the strain of a child and her gelatin filled trash bag ass. 

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Mia Khalifa, Movie Reviewer

July 27, 2017 | NSFW | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Who knew the absence of multiple phalluses in Mia Khalifa would lead to her formulating opinions on feature films. Everyone’s a critic.

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T.J. Miller Says Women aren’t Funny, Backpedals

July 26, 2017 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Being sent dick pics on a daily basis is not a tragedy. Annoying, but not worth a 60-minute comedy special.

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The 9/11 Movie No One Needed Coming Soon

July 26, 2017 | crap around the web | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Charlie Sheen can’t leave drugs or bad ideas alone. Ever try to write great ideas down while you’re high? Then sober up and attempt to make magic in the form of film from your drug inspired notes?

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