Nuclear War Negotiator Gets DUI

January 15, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

In what most people would assume to be a plot twist in a Team America reboot international feud de-escalating Dennis Rodman recently received a DUI in Newport Beach, California. Celebrities who look like they’re able to pass an HIV... READ MORE

Weinstein’s Wife Collecting A Fortune

January 15, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Georgina Chapman is obviously the woman all Weinstein victims should look up to as “settlement goals.” She is also the woman Weinstein victims should sue the living shit out of for not keeping her pet molester on a leash.... READ MORE

Britney Spears Only Kidding About Quitting Vegas

January 14, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

While most of us thought it was the end of the road for Britney Spears after Planet Hollywood in Vegas hinted it was her last show it turns out she signed a new contract with the Monte Carlo Resort... READ MORE

Angelina Jolie’s Love Is On Hold

January 13, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Angelina Jolie just put her love on layaway and is not interested in dating any longer at the moment. This can only come from what I assume is the embarrassment of ex-husband Brad Pitt’s behavior. Pitt has been parading... READ MORE

Stripper Jobs Getting Automated

January 13, 2018 | News | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

I haven’t had the urge to jam my manhood into an ATM with legs until 2018’s annual CES event recently decided to raise the bar. Stripper robots are no longer stuck within the confines of weird porn coming from... READ MORE

Guess The Newest Pornstar That Just Bought Oneway Ticket To Heaven

January 12, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

In a world where we can never have true equality as long as ebony porn is its own category another young pornstar, Olivia Nova, bites the dust. The world of porn is starting to get deeper than the free... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan Misses America

January 12, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Lindsay Lohan was short on cash so she leased her body as an alabaster outhouse to the highest foreign bidder. Since her last cinematic flop she managed to flirt with the idea of Islam and an uber wealthy Korean... READ MORE

Overweight Instagram Models Are People Too

January 12, 2018 | News | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Body positivity is feel good code word for the demographic of amorphous individuals that subsidize Planet Fitness’ low monthly fees. It feels like you lose 10 pounds every time you tell people you have a gym membership even though... READ MORE

Taraji P. Henson Wrestling Ageism Against Actresses

January 12, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Now that women are winning the war against sexual harassment in Hollywood phase two of the master plan involves including the elderly in more roles. Age discrimination and the spectrum of what’s aesthetically acceptable needs to get a little... READ MORE

Stan Lee Loves Nurses A Little Too Much

January 11, 2018 | celebrity | Elliot Wolf| 0 Comments

Stan Lee sort of slipped up recently. At age 95 it’s pretty easy to claim you’re senile and your hand is accidentally triggered to grab ass every time the nurse checks your blood pressure. Testosterone is one hell of... READ MORE