Michael Douglas Preemptive Hollywood Masturbation Club Cardholder

January 16, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Douglas is going full court press, releasing this long ass tale about how he's never even looked at a woman before. What even are women? Never heard of 'em. Boobs? Sorry I don't follow READ MORE

Lady Gaga’s Gross Wine Rejected By U.S. Patent Office

January 16, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Any Z-list Real Housewife who’s anybody knows that there’s nothing classier than releasing a bottom-shelf wine available for purchase at your local gas station. So it makes sense that Lady Gaga, who at this point has just a hair... READ MORE

Demi Lovato Is Totally Bisexual For Kristen Stewart Okay

January 15, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Demi Lovato is an openly fluid bisexual pan-seared queer member of the LGBTQABCXYZ community, and don’t you forget it! The totally open and inclusive starlet sat down with the Peter Pan that unfortunately did age, hard, Ellen Degeneres, to play... READ MORE

Kris Jenner Furious That People Are Exploiting Kylie Jenner

January 15, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

The ability to self-reflect – to truly have a come-to-Jesus with oneself in order to understand both one’s strengths and weaknesses – is alive and well in the Jenndashian household! And if you don’t believe me, just check out... READ MORE

Wendy Williams Exploits Insane Person For Crappy Talk Show

January 14, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Wendy Williams, Dr. Phil, Maury Povich, and yes, sorry selfless and brave wearers of Time’s Up pins, even Oprah are all equally guilty of capitalizing on crazy for sensationalistic interviews, and they are all equally guilty of having the nerve... READ MORE

Remember Gollum? What He Looks Like Now Will Shock You

January 13, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Sassy and near-death starlet Tara Reid jetted off the Tulum Mexico looking more like Gollum than ever, and made sure to flaunt every part of her melting candle body in multiple hot bikinis. If you like old house cats... READ MORE

Beast Kardashian Attacks Flash Mob (VIDEO)

January 12, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

That was a close call. New footage that some lucky person sold to Backgrid for too much money shows Beast Kardashian in her natural habitat, where she goes in for the kill to feast on a flash mob incited... READ MORE

Rob Lowe And His Vag SLAM Bella Thorne For Mudslide Tweet

January 12, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

I’ve suspected for quite a while that Rob Lowe is the owner of a hot pink pussy, and he all but confirmed this horrifying image yesterday by getting into a Twitter brawl with a twenty-year-old girl. Yes, the girl... READ MORE

Kendall Jenner To Solve World’s Problems With Cupid

January 11, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

Well this is a relief for Jessica Chastain, who doesn’t seem to have gotten her global “transformation social change” off the ground quite yet. Fake model and Petree dish face Kendall Jenner has another solution for worldwide peace love... READ MORE

Ashley Graham Sexually Assaulted At 17 Because She’s Hot

January 11, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson| 0 Comments

I’ve heard of a tall tale, but a fat one? Read on. A seismologist’s wet dream Ashley Graham has confessed to being a victim of sexual assault at the age of seventeen because like present-day, she was very attractive and... READ MORE