latest bikini posts

Claudia Romani In a Bikini
Claudia Romani In a Bikini

If you’ve got a nice ass, why not stamp your name right above your crack. Same reason I have all six of my gmail accounts tattooed on my johnson in 24-pt Impact font. The burden on this Italian model is really walking ass forward around Miami without getting hit by busses or sweaty guys in […]

Demi Lovato's Crotch Seems Settled
Demi Lovato’s Crotch Seems Settled

Demi Lovato is kicking off a world tour which I think means Florida plus the Twin Cities. Her publicists have her out promoting the tour by first threatening any and all publications that they are not to discuss her personal life, celebrity feuds, boyfriend troubles, cutting, drinking, drugs, bulimia, exploitative parents, leaked nude photos, the […]

Serena Williams Is Raw Power
Serena Williams Is Raw Power

I’m pretty sure Serena Williams won the U.S. Open. Not watching tennis is like losing ten pounds, it makes your dick an inch bigger. Serena can military press the combined weight of the next twenty ATP ranked players, so you can just assume she took victory by merit or by stomping her potential opponents to […]

Angelique Morgan Isn't Doing Something Right
Angelique Morgan Isn’t Doing Something Right

You have but a few options when you’re booted from the British Celebrity Big Brother House. Nobody has yet chosen death by self-immolation on the London Bridge. That would be an amazing act of carbon neutrality. Your other choice is to crawl into the woods in a bikini that hasn’t fit you since 1997 and […]

Luma Groethe Topless For Vogue
Luma Groethe Topless For Vogue

Here’s another Brazilian girl pouring a hose down her shnizzle. I can tell you from experience that will not cure your crabs, it only makes them angry. I no longer Internet search random foreign models on the off chance they wind up the focus of a murder investigation and Google hands over search records to […]

Coolio Ode To Porn Hub (VIDEO)
Coolio Ode To Porn Hub (VIDEO)

I’m pretty sure I heard about this before and just put it out of my mind. But now I can’t get Take It to the Hub out of my head. The new Coolio mega-hit with over 3,000 listens couldn’t possibly be more cravenly sponsored by Porn Hub. Apparently, somebody in marketing decided men need musical […]

Jasmin Walia In A Bikini
Jasmin Walia In A Bikini

I’m not going to lie. I have no fucking clue who this brunette is. She’s on a British reality show and I’m pretty sure I can see where babies come from while she piggy backs her friend. Just watching her on the beach like this I am beginning to experience what I think Kate Upton […]

Amanda Cerny In A Wet Bikini
Amanda Cerny In A Wet Bikini

I laugh at the suggestion that I’m taking money from the 138 Water people. As if I’d be party to the destruction of my own species. My price for omnicide doesn’t exist in numbers. One night of impassioned sexual activity with Amanda Cerny is another matter. No safe words allowed. Not if I’m giving up […]

Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler Seem Helpful
Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler Seem Helpful

You can’t just let your Brazilian model apartment mate’s top fall down on the beach. If her tits fly out of her bikini top, she might just land herself the ideal male suitor before you do. This is like Nam. You don’t want to be the one left behind when the chopper goes airborne. You’re […]

Raquel Rischard Is a Fine Photographer
Raquel Rischard Is a Fine Photographer

If you’re wondering who takes half of those titty model photos used by the 138 water people, you’re looking right at her. I know, it’s super deceiving but this calorie-free bacon dream is herself a photographer of other women who cause men to become uncomfortably erect and instinctively reach for their wallets. Now Raquel Rischard’s […]

Kendall Jenner Is Now Kendall, The Model, Look Away
Kendall Jenner Is Now Kendall, The Model, Look Away

The model known formerly as Kendall Jenner has made the final transformation into distant gazing butterfly at New York Fashion Week. What was once a vibrant young girl sobbing over her first period on national television, is now a walking mannequin showcasing unnecessarily ornate wardrobes for the jet set class. Kendall might just be the […]

Lauren Stoner In A White Bikini
Lauren Stoner In A White Bikini

Overbites on girls kind of kill me. There’s something very arousing about a woman with a set of grinders like her parents just didn’t have orthodontic insurance. Some women have turned their non-traditional grills into iconic model smiles, but most do just end up being labeled crack whores the minute they get fucked up at […]

Beyonce and Jay Z Are Going to Make It
Beyonce and Jay Z Are Going to Make It

According to Matthew Knowles, the Jay Z and Beyonce divorce rumors of the past several months were a complete fiction ginned up to create buzz around their summer concert tour. Knowles says he used to do this shit all the time when he managed Beyonce and Destiny’s Child: I know, because we’ve done this. From […]

Raiderettes Get $1.25 Million from Oakland Raiders
Raiderettes Get $1.25 Million from Oakland Raiders

The Oakland Raiders cheerleaders, dubbed the Raiderettes because somebody’s brainstorming session went horribly wrong, won a million dollar plus settlement against the Raiders for legally due backpay, underpay, no pay, and being treated like Indonesian sex slaves minus the free hose downs on Fridays. While the overall figure sounds somewhat impressive, it’s just a couple […]

Elisabeth Moss In A Bikini
Elisabeth Moss In A Bikini

Like everybody else whose favorite show is Mad Men, I’ve never seen Mad Men. It just seems kind of pretentious. Also, I heard it could make you gay. I know Elizabeth Moss plays the office girl everybody is trying to nail. Standards were different back in the 60′s before the cultural shift that sent even […]

Yasmine Colt In a Wet Bikini
Yasmine Colt In a Wet Bikini

Yasmine Colt might just be the perfect stripper name. I’m still running the algorithm. If the 138 Water conspirators are jetting Venezuelan chicks to Aruba to pose in the ponds where authorities once scoured for Natalee Holloway, we might as just well surrender. Nobody else but me really cares about the nefarious nature of this […]

Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler In Bikinis
Milena Cardoso and Fernanda Uesler In Bikinis

I don’t need to hear a girl with an accent ask me twice ‘I’m looking for opportunities in America,’ before I know she’s a Brazilian model hoping to settle down near a body of water not overrun with plastic bottles. People in Brazil will travel thousands of miles just to toss their Fanta soda empties […]

Amanda Cerny Shows Off  Well
Amanda Cerny Shows Off Well

I often see beautiful women and I think, that sure seems like a lot of work laying on rocks and having passive-aggressive lesbians pour water onto your tits. You’ve got to keep a blog on how to juice and cleanse and get awesome looking abs. That takes work. In this economy, a good looking chick […]

Petra Benova In a Bikini
Petra Benova In a Bikini

Whenever I show a picture of this model I reflexively mention how her sister is better looking. I can’t help myself. She inevitably sends me an angry letter screaming that her sister is not a whore. Some day I’lll put that connection together. Once I had a middle school teacher call me into his car […]

Ana Braga In Thong Bikini
Ana Braga In Thong Bikini

I’m coming to like this girl. I’m certain she lives for my endorsement. At first I thought, bleached out silicon bodied Brazilian model of none renowned trying to get noticed on Miami Beach by shaking her ass and showing off her tits. Now I think the exact same, but also, meh, that’s not such a […]

Nicole Scherzinger In a Bikini
Nicole Scherzinger In a Bikini

Nicole Scherzinger is the U.K. X-Factor judge who didn’t get caught in a drug conspiracy case or fuck a baby into his friend’s wife this past year. That makes her something akin to the Elks Club Teenager of the Month. She also has a nice bikini body. Which makes her much better than any of […]

Coco Bikini Breaches
Coco Bikini Breaches

I don’t know what these girls are shooting into their shitters to make them extra bulbous and grotesquely disproportionate, but I’d like two quarts for my girlish calves. Rappers have this thing about fat assed women, but I have to imagine Ice-T is every now and again banging his lady and feeling like one badly […]

Rihanna Drinks Until She Breaks Out
Rihanna Drinks Until She Breaks Out

Rihanna works hard and plays harder. That’s so fucking Bajan. But even she knows you can’t get loaded every single day of the year. When her zits start bursting and dousing the kids in the front row, she goes full temperance. When I feel like my skin has had it, I cut all the alcohol […]

Liv Tyler's Ass Is Back
Liv Tyler’s Ass Is Back

It’s been a whole two days since I’ve had Liv Tyler’s wet derriere boarding a sea-faring vessel like a pear shaped pirate. That’s forty-eight hours too long. Unlike the celebrities with their asses injected full of pigeon fat and finely ground gravel, Liv Tyler got her wide ass the old-fashioned way. Eating and making babies. […]