latest bikini posts

Charlie Riina Black Thong Bikini In Malibu
Charlie Riina Black Thong Bikini In Malibu

It’s hard to gauge what parts are left real on this chick. She’s a bit like Vader. More machine than man, though more woman than man still. It’s hard to explain. I’d fuck her over Caitlin Jenner if that were my construct. At some point she’ll realize that pouring water on her tits is not […]

Heidi Klum Bikini Vacation With Young Dick
Heidi Klum Bikini Vacation With Young Dick

Things got serious between Heidi Klum and that young guy she’s been fucking for the past year when she dropped the “love’ word on social media. Heidi has been touring the Riviera with Vito the Cock to celebrate his twenty-something birthday. Heidi explained to her children that mommy needs to leave for a while because she […]

Michelle Rodriguez Just Banged a Chick and Got Away By Jet Ski
Michelle Rodriguez Just Banged a Chick and Got Away By Jet Ski

Michelle Rodriguez doesn’t have time for the idiotic am I or am I not a lesbian celebrity crap. You’re fronting on Twitter while she’s boning women two at a time. Rodriguez rents a yacht literally called the Ecstasea off the coast of St. Tropez and shuttles celebrity and non celebrity chicks out to her floating […]

Kylie Jenner Graduation Party Hosted By Ryan Seacrest
Kylie Jenner Graduation Party Hosted By Ryan Seacrest

Ryan Seacrest hosted a high school graduation party for Kylie Jenner where he pretended he liked girls and Kylie pretended Laurel Springs is a real place. Laurel Springs High School diplomas are the Hollywood equivalent of becoming a Universal Life Church minister so you can marry your buddy to his girlfriend in Laughlin before the baby shows. Only instead […]

Doutzen Kroes in A Bikini
Doutzen Kroes in A Bikini

Attractive women who don’t talk much are to be worshipped as gods on earth. They are the prize for nailing that elusive center tube in Skee-ball while buzzed on 3.2 beer at the arcade. Doutzen Kroes still refers to her DJ husband unapologetically as an artist. I bet she keeps the kids quiet while dad […]

Lindsay Lohan in A Bikini
Lindsay Lohan in A Bikini

Lindsay Lohan was sent to Greece to remind those debt skating motherfuckers what happens when you turn your back on an obligation to the EU. Everybody retiring on government pension at forty-five doesn’t sound so idyllic when HSV’s one through five are percolating in the Aegean. Start pressing the olives that much harder. Juan Pierre […]

Charlotte McKinney Has 5 Responses About Her 2 Big Guns
Charlotte McKinney Has 5 Responses About Her 2 Big Guns

In between advertorials on the hottest summer vests for men, GQ squeezed in a video interstitial asking Charlotte McKinney what she replies to guys who ask her if her giants tits are real. Not a day goes by I don’t ask some random woman that question in person. Usually after I’ve pushed my hand up their […]

Jennifer Flavin And Sistine Stallone in Bikinis
Jennifer Flavin And Sistine Stallone in Bikinis

Sylvester Stallone took his family of past and future models for another yacht ride around some part of France where they still call him Rambo with some level of feigned enthusiasm. His sixteen year old daughter is now a professional model by lack of other options that didn’t make people audibly snicker. I respect Stallone […]

LeAnn Rimes in A Bikini
LeAnn Rimes in A Bikini

According to a bunch of gossip rags that dig through celebrity garbage bins, LeAnn Rimes and her rented cock husband are fast approaching broke. It’s related to LeAnn’s inability to commit fully to a music career since every time she leaves the house for more than five minutes, her unemployed husband sneaks a girl over […]

Michelle Hunziker And Daughter in Bikinis
Michelle Hunziker And Daughter in Bikinis

This Italian TV hostess keeps marrying new rich dudes and making rounds of anchor babies. It’s like the hot blond version of Mexican illegals. I wonder what it’s like to be the eighteen year old daughter when your mom is on reproductive assignment yet again. You have to put aside your feline desire to smother […]

Amy Schumer Helps Move Us Forward
Amy Schumer Helps Move Us Forward

Amy Schumer’s new film by Leslie Mann’s weak-bearded gimp features a 30-something woman reveling in life as a single professional with a different loose man in her bed every night. That is until she meets a genuine guy who threatens to make her want something more out of her relationships. It’s your traditional male-centered romantic comedy, only flipped […]

Charlie Riina in A Bikini
Charlie Riina in A Bikini

I’ll concede that if this chick could make the water come directly out of her nipples, I’d buy it in six packs. Short of that, I’m not sure how you place a value on bottled water. Artesian well water is just another name for thank you for your money, you fucking tool. How’d you like […]

Anna Sophia Berglund in A Bikini
Anna Sophia Berglund in A Bikini

I’m not sure this chick understands the severity of the drought here in California. Or that consuming bottled water that has been sourced in some guy’s house in Torrance is not a water supply positive. Every time she spits out a tinkle, an almond dies somewhere in the valley. If she’d remove her top, some […]

Cindy Taylor Topless in A Bikini
Cindy Taylor Topless in A Bikini

I don’t know if this is the same Cindy Taylor who used to host that E! Wild On show before E! decided even staged party shows were too smart for their audience. They say the tits are the window to the soul. I’m starting there. She certainly seems confident. You don’t end up topless in […]

Olivia Jordan Is Your Khaleesi
Olivia Jordan Is Your Khaleesi

There’s no particular reason for beauty pageants past the age when the pedophiles purchase excessive concessions and try to blend in. Twenty-six seems really old to be playing Barbie without a Saudi prince behind a curtain tipping six figures to your Paypal. It was cool back in the day to see college aged girls strutting […]

Elle MacPherson in a Bikini on a Yacht With a Billionaire
Elle MacPherson in a Bikini on a Yacht With a Billionaire

Elle Macpherson married Jeff Soffer, that Florida real estate dude who maybe killed somebody because he thought he was a real helicopter pilot and then he fucked Gwyneth Paltrow because Gay Beethoven didn’t understand how her muse and vagina both needed a stroking. He seems interesting. She’s fifty-one and looks just as good in a […]

Bill Murray Defends Miley Cyrus
Bill Murray Defends Miley Cyrus

In no way related to the fact that Miley Cyrus agreed to be part of his upcoming Netflix special, Bill Murray backed Miley Cyrus at Comic-Con from all hurtful comments she couldn’t give a shit about when naked, stoned, and stabbed by gender neutral cock. I’m gonna say this officially: Miley Cyrus is good. I […]

Nausicaa Oiled Up in A Bikini
Nausicaa Oiled Up in A Bikini

The more oil this chick rubs on her body, the more I’m becoming okay with her single name bit. Does she even know what she’s selling? Does she even care? She’s got the daily petroleum output of Qatar coating her epidermis. If the post-solstice sun hits her just right, she’ll go up like a Jason […]

Emily Ratajkowski Doesn't Need This
Emily Ratajkowski Doesn’t Need This

Proving that men have a poor sense of where they sit on the reproductive food chain, there’s a meme of ‘Emily Ratajkowski is a butter face’ going around Al Gore’s Internet. If you’re taking the time to criticize this model’s face, then you’re probably just three shades of fame away from inviting Diane Sawyer to see your hope […]

Brittney Palmer Almost Murdered
Brittney Palmer Almost Murdered

UFC Ring Girl Brittney Palmer was almost murdered to the death after he husband flew into a jealous rage. It’s possible his story will differ. Something closer to, she’s lying. Palmer claims her husband, who is usually a super nice dude who chia gardens and volunteers with children, threw her around their home and nearly choked […]

Eva Longoria in A Bikini
Eva Longoria in A Bikini

Eva Longoria has an enviable life. Especially if you like rich Latin dick. I mean rich as in wealthy, not tasty. That seems rather subjective. In the upcoming edition of InStyle magazine, Eva declares she wants to be the next George Clooney. If she meant fucking tons of chicks with questionable faces but perfect model bodies, that […]

Kelly Monaco Bikini Tug
Kelly Monaco Bikini Tug

Kelly Monaco is one of the few former Playboy Playmates to have worked her way into legit acting gigs. She’s been starring on afternoon soap operas for women who can’t cum since right after her nude modeling. That doesn’t mean she’s lost her touch for the leering men masturbatory bikini adjustments at the beach. That’s […]

Paris Hilton Working the Holidays
Paris Hilton Working the Holidays

Nobody is more American than Paris Hilton. She is the invisible hand that tugs the cock of capitalism. No matter where Paris is at any given time or what she is doing, she is getting paid. She doesn’t need to work. Her sister doesn’t. She wants to work. For about an hour last week the […]

Anastasia Ashley in Bikinis
Anastasia Ashley in Bikinis

Consider me a big fan of this surfing girl who you never see surfing. Maybe she’s good. How would anybody know? It’s surfing. Even putt putt golf has a rational scoring system. But go to Ohio sometime and watch a little putt putt, you won’t see asses like this. It’s unfortunate that all women’s athletics […]