latest bikini posts

Brielle Biermann Growing Cleavage
Brielle Biermann Growing Cleavage

Kim Zolciak is known for three things. Fucking a fifty year old cop in a criminal investigation when she was seventeen. Marrying a football player and landing a spot on housewife TV. And her previous husband being arrested for banging the underaged babysitter. And, by famous, I mean, I didn’t know any of this shit […]

Charlie Riina in A Bikini
Charlie Riina in A Bikini

This chick is awfully attractive. The yellow cape seems superfluous. Melanoma isn’t stupid. In the future, when the feminist majority has disappeared sexy pleasing women to shallow graves in soccer stadiums, we’ll be listening to Morrissey and think he’s speaking directly to us. Only The Elders will remember a time when tits and ass weren’t a hate […]

Lindsay Lohan Moving To London, Again
Lindsay Lohan Moving To London, Again

Every few months Lindsay Lohan announces how much she loves London because she can spell it and the cool air is good for her open leg wounds and how she might move there permanently. I think she’s waiting for somebody to say please don’t go. Mostly everybody is just trying to figure out how to […]

Abigail Ratchford Backyard Pool Tits
Abigail Ratchford Backyard Pool Tits

Girls with enormous fake jugs and round asses riding pool floats ought to be on our ten dollar bill. Fuck Harriet Tubman. I mean that in the polite way. She did some fine work two centuries ago. She has a place in the history books. For modern commercial currency you want something that states your […]

Paris Hilton Had a Leak
Paris Hilton Had a Leak

According to unreliable media outlets reviewing the unreliable stories run in InTouch magazine, Kim Kardashian was the secret source of Paris Hilton boozy drunken slutty rich girl gossip during her time as Paris’ lackey. This was before Ray J mixed urine and cum on her lumbar regions and turned her into a fabulous princess. Now […]

Kate Hudson And Goldie Hawn in Bikinis
Kate Hudson And Goldie Hawn in Bikinis

Goldie Hawn seems constantly in motion. It may have something to do with what happens to her skin during standstill. She may slurry back into her periodic table elements. Hawn seems like a good mom who doesn’t judge her daughter for showing up with a different musician and a different baby every year on the […]

Nina Agdal Splits Her Pants
Nina Agdal Splits Her Pants

Advances in technology are a true balance sheet of plusses and minuses. Before I released my photo rich social media platform, I’d ask myself what percentage of famous hot girls would be posting photos of splits in their pants versus the million of duck faced random drunken narcissists sharing selfies at Denny’s late night. The […]

Nausicaa Tubes
Nausicaa Tubes

Last week I couldn’t spell this chick’s name, this week I can expound on its language of origin like an Indian kid owning a spelling bee. That’s the power of nice tits. It’s like having nukes and being able to use them. Close your eyes and imagine saying ‘no’ to this girl in her wet […]

Lindsay Lohan Addicted to Freezing
Lindsay Lohan Addicted to Freezing

Lindsay Lohan returned to the cryo tank to freeze herself back to only semi-lividity. If applied properly, the negative Kelvin temperatures of the chamber can alleviate joint pain and cause your poor decisions of the last ten years to disappear. Imagine the joy on Greasy Bear’s face when a decade’s worth of cocaine reappears in […]

Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini
Victoria Silvstedt in a Bikini

The most powerful force in the universe remains paid love. It’s like true love but without all the talking. Victoria Silvstedt is back with Maurice Dabbah, that pot bellied diminutive billionaire who owns a ton of shit you wish you had, including Victoria. Dabbah gave her the keys to his yacht so she could Magellan […]

Nausicaa in A Bikini
Nausicaa in A Bikini

The standards by which you can go by the single moniker have changed through the years. You used to have to pay your dues before everybody just accepted you as Sting or Iman. Now you call yourself Nausicaa and look to the heavens awaiting an angelic bukkake. I’m betting this one doesn’t catch on. But […]

Eryn Krouse and Kaili Thorne in Bikinis
Eryn Krouse and Kaili Thorne in Bikinis

It’s not easy living with the lady wage gap. WOmen taking home seven cents on the dollar for the coin men can earn teasing each other swimsuits in the surf outside David Geffen’s beach house. When these girls get handed a pack of sugar-free Jelly Belly’s and some old railroad ties as renumeration for shaking […]

Blac Chyna Oiled Up
Blac Chyna Oiled Up

Each time the Kardashians host an event involving Tyga, his baby mama Blac Chyna lathers up her ass and posts ‘daddy come home’ pictures. In terms of crazy bitches be crazy behavior, it’s not off the charts. Show the old man what he’s missing by ditching you and fucking a seventeen year with stripper tits […]

Michelle Lewin in A Bikini
Michelle Lewin in A Bikini

Is it acceptable that fitness trainers have so many contrived body parts? I consider it the height of the craft. Since when did we start labeling certain sciences as more decent than any others. The science of nutrition, the science of body building, and the science of injecting shit into your tits and ass and […]

Alexis Ren in A Bikini
Alexis Ren in A Bikini

In a world beset by feckless fucks determined to remove joy from life, chicks with tight little asses will continue to trade well. Attempts to construct a web of shame around natural human behavior have forever failed. The longing to stick your dick into warm places has yet to be topped. The fact that some subset of people can’t achieve […]

Nicky Hilton Found a Purpose
Nicky Hilton Found a Purpose

It’s hard to say which of the fractured Hilton ducklings is the least horrible. I’m going with Nicky. In ten years of tracking celebrities I’ve never seen Nicky not on her cellphone, but fuck, if the worst thing you can say about a Hilton is they’re a tedious chatterbug, you have you best Hilton ever. […]

Kate Bock in A Bikini
Kate Bock in A Bikini

This girl was dubbed by SI as the rookie of the year bikini model. Then they dumped twenty gallons of airbrush oil on her and made her look like a full bodied Mexican pole dancer. She’s pretty good looking. I just wish she wasn’t fat shaming the rest of the country with her exercise routines […]

Alessandra Ambrosio In Turkish Mag
Alessandra Ambrosio In Turkish Mag

Models don’t actually travel to Turkey for photoshoots, you only go to Turkey for tar heroin and on your way to conquer the Middle East and Subcontinent. Also, if you like seeing something resembling a caterpillar rolling across your dick during blowjobs. The Turkish government bans about 30,000 websites including probably this one so I […]

Val Fit in A Bikini
Val Fit in A Bikini

I’m not prepared to accept this chick’s real name is Val Fit, but I am prepared to admit she gives me an arousal in my stranger danger spot. If you can find a girl who does the splits outside of a sporting venue and sees no objectification in the process, take her to a small […]

Heidi Klum Is Your Commander
Heidi Klum Is Your Commander

The fault in the woman’s rights movement is lumping everything and the kitchen sink into a broad demand for equality. As with any campaign, you need to more narrowly target your goals if you want to achieve a meaningful success. Asking for everything only guarantees you’ll get nothing. Pinpointing goodies like being able to become […]

Miley Cyrus Just Doesn't Care
Miley Cyrus Just Doesn’t Care

There are two kinds of people who just don’t give a shit what others think about them: assholes and heroes. At some point, Tom Cruise told people, I’m short, I’ve got an ungainly nose, and I spend hours secretly sketching Asian boys in track suits wrestling in underground clubs. I don’t give a shit what […]

Bar Refaeli Real Tits, Secret Shame
Bar Refaeli Real Tits, Secret Shame

Bar Refaeli was born with her girl parts. Don’t hold that against her. It’s not easy for a natural born to get by these days. They’re boring and lack media spectacle. How many souls will Bar Refeali inspire to consume their days and nights discovering their true self? Masturbation doesn’t count. When the eugenics camps […]

Stallone Has High Hopes
Stallone Has High Hopes

Sylvester Stallone posted a photo with his 16 year old daughter Sistine who wants to be a model like how super advantaged children used to want to go to Harvard. Stallone seems like a loving father so I’m curious why he’d encourage this line of work. If you love your dog you don’t want to […]

Farrah Abraham in A Bikini
Farrah Abraham in A Bikini

I know Vegas understands how to lure people into their casinos. I’m not sure they’ve yet figured out how to market a swimming pool. The advances in chlorine technology are not such that you want your eyeballs immersed in James Deen free floating creampie. Every time you think you’ve seen the last of Teen Mom, […]