latest bikini posts

Lauren Stoner In A Bikini
Lauren Stoner In A Bikini

Luxury licensed brand hat. Check. Super reflective fighter pilot sunglasses. Check. Big fake tubes oiled to a fare-thee-well. Check. Called the boyfriend on the not his home phone that his not wife might pick up and told him you were looking forward to tonight. Check. You are super good to go for another part-time model …

Beyonce Is the Most Influential Person in the World
Beyonce Is the Most Influential Person in the World

As print magazines continue to circle the toilet bowl, you’re going to see them increasingly imitating Buzzfeed and other online sites that tap into the mental porn loving faculties in the brain. Lists. Rankings. Countdowns. Things that seem intriguing on their face, like a painted harlot, only to deliver little satisfaction and steal your wallet …

Kimberly Garner Likes to Rollerblade
Kimberly Garner Likes to Rollerblade

I thought rollerblading ended a decade ago when a tank topped guy in wraparound sunglasses caught his reflection in his sports bottle and cried with a sudden gift of self-awareness. Regardless, girls on skates will continue to provide boners to millions of men who will make comments about how amazing it would be to doink …

Maryna Linchuk Poses for a Bikini Shoot
Maryna Linchuk Poses for a Bikini Shoot

Girls from Belarus can do fierce face better than American girls. That’s a scientific fact. American women are soft from too many take-out salads and advanced sexual toys and Fat Oprah owned channels. While Belarus women must fight the local swamp rats for scraps of dead pigeon entrails to feed their families. You start fighting …

Anastasia Ashley Has an Ass Built for Burgers
Anastasia Ashley Has an Ass Built for Burgers

Mmm, burger and ass. That’s only been the best combination since the dawn of time. Sometimes, I’ll see a fine woman’s ass in a bikini and think to myself, man, how fat would I have to get eating Carl’s Jr. burgers before I could hit that. And I know she’s looking at me thinking, if …

Miranda Kerr Looks Tanned and Rested
Miranda Kerr Looks Tanned and Rested

I think somebody once called divorce a little death. But everybody seems to be pretty damn happy after divorce, as opposed to a funeral, where there are tears and suffering and loss. Though, in both cases, there is usually some opportunity for reckless sexual intercourse. I just read a story about how Miranda Kerr’s ex-husband …

Kourtney Kardashian In A Blue Bikini in Mexico
Kourtney Kardashian In A Blue Bikini in Mexico

I feel bad now for making fun of Kourtney Kardashian, seeing as it is her 35th birthday. That’s a special time in a Kardashian girl’s life when she takes her bastard children and whatever mope she’s letting knock her up and she heads to Mexico to learn of her true birthright, in all it’s hideous …

Serena Williams Is Raw Power
Serena Williams Is Raw Power

I think it’s great that women feel body positive or whatever term is in vogue in 2014 for women without model frames to hang out mostly naked and drink fruity cocktails and bitch about that whore Nancy at work and feel good about themselves. Why not feel positive about your body. Fuck what other people …

Kourtney Kardashian In A Bikini
Kourtney Kardashian In A Bikini

If you’re like me, you can’t wait until E! sends Chewbaca and Kourtney to The Hamptons to open up their new store for feeble minded girls with borrowed credit cards. With each new Kardashian spinoff comes the promise that one of the illiterate munions will be killed accidentally by a stoned gaffer fucking up something …

Heidi Klum Demands Your Titty Respect
Heidi Klum Demands Your Titty Respect

You can’t just want then, cougar cub, you need to say you want them. Heidi Klum has one rule when it comes to mounting the multitude of young cock she intends to ride because she’s 40 and rich and horny. You must appreciate the flapjacks. She will shove them in your face, ring the triangle …

Ana Braga in a Pink Thong Bikini
Ana Braga in a Pink Thong Bikini

I like that America has become a safe haven for foreign girls looking to become famous by flashing tits and ass. Politicians make speeches about how we’re a proud nation of immigrants, but mostly people have always hated the raggedy folks who got here after them. It’s like pretending you’re happy that you ex is …

Elizabeth Loaiza In Lingerie And Bikinis
Elizabeth Loaiza In Lingerie And Bikinis

I’m no sexist. I’d vote for the woman who tagged Hillary with a shoe. I love my mother. And I think good looking women deserve higher pay than men for doing the exact same job, especially doing those jobs in tight tank tops. There’s just something about girls in swimsuits and heels that takes me …

Julie Gonzalo In A Bikini
Julie Gonzalo In A Bikini

As far as I can tell, all the living actresses from the original Dallas TV series are now selling groundbreaking skincare products on late night television. The dead actresses seem to be less productive. 1am to 3am seems to be prime time for people with blemishes and reptilian scaly skin and despondent greasy hair to …

Minnie Driver Quits Twitter
Minnie Driver Quits Twitter

Minnie Driver didn’t really like the unflattering comments she received on her recent bikini pictures so she’s leaving Twitter. First off, boo fucking hoo. Criticism really is tragic. Here’s how social media works, Minnie. You are either naturally good looking in which case a ton of men will tell you how fucking hot you are …

I'd Knock Up Federica Torti
I’d Knock Up Federica Torti

I’ve spent time in Italy. Every girl looks like the kind of girl you’d be tempted to make babies with and every dude looks like some swarthy beast who’s just been banging one these girls between the sheets. It’s a nation that looks like a porn set. Somehow nobody is making babies. It’s got more …

Minnie Driver In A Bikini In Miami
Minnie Driver In A Bikini In Miami

Remember when Minnie Driver used to be the epitome of raw sexuality in Hollywood? When you’d lay in bed at night picturing her grotesquely brown tooth dripping with the byproduct of your lovemaking? Watching mediocre looking women slipping into slightly older mediocre women really is a hard process to endure. I do hear Minnie’s never …

Chris Brown Screws White Woman From Inside Prison! You Won't Believe What Happens Next
Chris Brown Screws White Woman From Inside Prison! You Won’t Believe What Happens Next

From deep inside his prison walls, Chris Brown faked out a bunch of girls to come into a casting call for his new modeling agency, Legendary Faces. And, yes, Chris Brown owns a. modeling agency. I think he started it during rehab as a positive outlet for his repressed rage against his mother. Within the …

Kaley Cuoco In A Bikini In Her Pool
Kaley Cuoco In A Bikini In Her Pool

Now that Kaley Cuoco has liberated her tits with her heartfelt revelation that they’re not only fake, but they’re the best thing she ever bought herself, she can be free to do all sorts of shit without fear of public judgement. I imagine an immense weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and chest, and …

Tara Reid In A Bikini In Australia
Tara Reid In A Bikini In Australia

Whenever I see Tara Reid in a bikini, the thought always comes to mind, wow, I can’t believe she’s still alive. I have friends serving overseas or working in dangerous domestic professions or those afflicted with potentially dangerous medical conditions, but it’s always Tara Reid that I just assume has fallen off a booze cruise …

Emily Ratajkowski Models Bikinis
Emily Ratajkowski Models Bikinis

After that long stretch of work you put in to get a new girlfriend naked finally, there’s a feeling of disappointment when the next day she’s suddenly wrapped in a burqa and five cardigan sweaters shivering like a Serbian war crimes victim. I feel this same type of disappointment seeing Emily Ratajkowski in bikinis. We …

Claudia Jordan And Aisha Thalia In Bikinis
Claudia Jordan And Aisha Thalia In Bikinis

I know the girl on the left used to be on Deal or No Deal where Howie Mandel would break into a herpetic sweat when people tried to touch him. I’m not familiar with the confused looking girl with the big fake titties who decided to wear her seventh grade end of the year party …

Paige Butcher Shaming Her Future Stepdaughters Once Again
Paige Butcher Shaming Her Future Stepdaughters Once Again

Usually when your dad takes up with a hot young replacement for your mom, you can act out and start smoking cloves and underaged drinking and having sex with dudes who ride rice burners and have face tattoos. But what do you do when you’re already twenty and he replaces your mom with some white …

Paige Butcher In A Pink Bikini
Paige Butcher In A Pink Bikini

Eddie Murphy’s finest work in the past twenty years, not really measurable against any other projects, might just be Paige Butcher, the hot model he takes with him everywhere in case his dick gets itchy. She’s really a pretty damn attractive something much younger than Eddie year old lady. I’d like to think she and …

Kate Upton In a Bikini for The Other Woman
Kate Upton In a Bikini for The Other Woman

The Other Woman is a movie that I’m dying not to go see. The movie revolves around a woman who finds out that her husband has a mistress and the mistress finds out he has a husband, and instead of them both dumping his ass like a healthy woman would, they seek revenge. They can …