latest bikini posts

Serena Williams Is Raw Power
Serena Williams Is Raw Power

I think it’s great that women feel body positive or whatever term is in vogue in 2014 for women without model frames to hang out mostly naked and drink fruity cocktails and bitch about that whore Nancy at work and feel good about themselves. Why not feel positive about your body. Fuck what other people …

Kourtney Kardashian In A Bikini
Kourtney Kardashian In A Bikini

If you’re like me, you can’t wait until E! sends Chewbaca and Kourtney to The Hamptons to open up their new store for feeble minded girls with borrowed credit cards. With each new Kardashian spinoff comes the promise that one of the illiterate munions will be killed accidentally by a stoned gaffer fucking up something …

Heidi Klum Demands Your Titty Respect
Heidi Klum Demands Your Titty Respect

You can’t just want then, cougar cub, you need to say you want them. Heidi Klum has one rule when it comes to mounting the multitude of young cock she intends to ride because she’s 40 and rich and horny. You must appreciate the flapjacks. She will shove them in your face, ring the triangle …

Ana Braga in a Pink Thong Bikini
Ana Braga in a Pink Thong Bikini

I like that America has become a safe haven for foreign girls looking to become famous by flashing tits and ass. Politicians make speeches about how we’re a proud nation of immigrants, but mostly people have always hated the raggedy folks who got here after them. It’s like pretending you’re happy that you ex is …

Elizabeth Loaiza In Lingerie And Bikinis
Elizabeth Loaiza In Lingerie And Bikinis

I’m no sexist. I’d vote for the woman who tagged Hillary with a shoe. I love my mother. And I think good looking women deserve higher pay than men for doing the exact same job, especially doing those jobs in tight tank tops. There’s just something about girls in swimsuits and heels that takes me …

Julie Gonzalo In A Bikini
Julie Gonzalo In A Bikini

As far as I can tell, all the living actresses from the original Dallas TV series are now selling groundbreaking skincare products on late night television. The dead actresses seem to be less productive. 1am to 3am seems to be prime time for people with blemishes and reptilian scaly skin and despondent greasy hair to …

Minnie Driver Quits Twitter
Minnie Driver Quits Twitter

Minnie Driver didn’t really like the unflattering comments she received on her recent bikini pictures so she’s leaving Twitter. First off, boo fucking hoo. Criticism really is tragic. Here’s how social media works, Minnie. You are either naturally good looking in which case a ton of men will tell you how fucking hot you are …

I'd Knock Up Federica Torti
I’d Knock Up Federica Torti

I’ve spent time in Italy. Every girl looks like the kind of girl you’d be tempted to make babies with and every dude looks like some swarthy beast who’s just been banging one these girls between the sheets. It’s a nation that looks like a porn set. Somehow nobody is making babies. It’s got more …

Minnie Driver In A Bikini In Miami
Minnie Driver In A Bikini In Miami

Remember when Minnie Driver used to be the epitome of raw sexuality in Hollywood? When you’d lay in bed at night picturing her grotesquely brown tooth dripping with the byproduct of your lovemaking? Watching mediocre looking women slipping into slightly older mediocre women really is a hard process to endure. I do hear Minnie’s never …

Chris Brown Screws White Woman From Inside Prison! You Won't Believe What Happens Next
Chris Brown Screws White Woman From Inside Prison! You Won’t Believe What Happens Next

From deep inside his prison walls, Chris Brown faked out a bunch of girls to come into a casting call for his new modeling agency, Legendary Faces. And, yes, Chris Brown owns a. modeling agency. I think he started it during rehab as a positive outlet for his repressed rage against his mother. Within the …

Kaley Cuoco In A Bikini In Her Pool
Kaley Cuoco In A Bikini In Her Pool

Now that Kaley Cuoco has liberated her tits with her heartfelt revelation that they’re not only fake, but they’re the best thing she ever bought herself, she can be free to do all sorts of shit without fear of public judgement. I imagine an immense weight has been lifted off her shoulders, and chest, and …

Tara Reid In A Bikini In Australia
Tara Reid In A Bikini In Australia

Whenever I see Tara Reid in a bikini, the thought always comes to mind, wow, I can’t believe she’s still alive. I have friends serving overseas or working in dangerous domestic professions or those afflicted with potentially dangerous medical conditions, but it’s always Tara Reid that I just assume has fallen off a booze cruise …

Emily Ratajkowski Models Bikinis
Emily Ratajkowski Models Bikinis

After that long stretch of work you put in to get a new girlfriend naked finally, there’s a feeling of disappointment when the next day she’s suddenly wrapped in a burqa and five cardigan sweaters shivering like a Serbian war crimes victim. I feel this same type of disappointment seeing Emily Ratajkowski in bikinis. We …

Claudia Jordan And Aisha Thalia In Bikinis
Claudia Jordan And Aisha Thalia In Bikinis

I know the girl on the left used to be on Deal or No Deal where Howie Mandel would break into a herpetic sweat when people tried to touch him. I’m not familiar with the confused looking girl with the big fake titties who decided to wear her seventh grade end of the year party …

Paige Butcher Shaming Her Future Stepdaughters Once Again
Paige Butcher Shaming Her Future Stepdaughters Once Again

Usually when your dad takes up with a hot young replacement for your mom, you can act out and start smoking cloves and underaged drinking and having sex with dudes who ride rice burners and have face tattoos. But what do you do when you’re already twenty and he replaces your mom with some white …

Paige Butcher In A Pink Bikini
Paige Butcher In A Pink Bikini

Eddie Murphy’s finest work in the past twenty years, not really measurable against any other projects, might just be Paige Butcher, the hot model he takes with him everywhere in case his dick gets itchy. She’s really a pretty damn attractive something much younger than Eddie year old lady. I’d like to think she and …

Kate Upton In a Bikini for The Other Woman
Kate Upton In a Bikini for The Other Woman

The Other Woman is a movie that I’m dying not to go see. The movie revolves around a woman who finds out that her husband has a mistress and the mistress finds out he has a husband, and instead of them both dumping his ass like a healthy woman would, they seek revenge. They can …

Kate Moss Is Still Alive
Kate Moss Is Still Alive

Kate Moss seems to be on an important phone call. It could be with the devil reminding her that she didn’t make millions off being a flabby bodied okay looking woman without his help. Or it could be her daughter phoning to remind Kate that she left her at a bar in Havana three nights …

Joanna Krupa Poses In A Bikini
Joanna Krupa Poses In A Bikini

Joanna Krupa has her own bikini line now. I guess women are really into buying clothes with celebrity women’s names on it hoping it brings them similar good fortune. I got a few football jerseys with other men’s names on them, but I don’t expect it to get me any tryouts. I know I wouldn’t …

Bria Murphy in A Bikini Playing Volleyball
Bria Murphy in A Bikini Playing Volleyball

I’m glad my dad wasn’t famous or wealthy or very accurate with his punches. It seems like a burden to be a celebrity kid. If you’re Eddie Murphy’s kid, everybody’s wondering aloud when you’re going to become super famous for ten years then disappear for the next twenty. But Bria Murphy has figured out a …

Anais Zanotti And Ana Braga Touch Each Other Like Broken Birds
Anais Zanotti And Ana Braga Touch Each Other Like Broken Birds

These poor girls can’t seem to find their tops. It’s some kind of sickness that seems to befall international girls on the beach particularly dependent on the kindness of strangers to pay their rent. You might think it makes no sense to buy big ole titties only to keep them covered with the fingers your …

Michelle Rodriguez Makes Lesbianism Glisten
Michelle Rodriguez Makes Lesbianism Glisten

As much as I hooted and applauded when angry Ellen Page pulled off her dyke glasses to announce she was a lesbian, and as excited as I am by Sara Gilbert’s latest ocean-overlooking lesbian wedding, nothing makes me feel more progressive and politically gay correct than supporting chicks making out on the beach in Cancun. …

Kim Kardashian Shooting Selfies Through Thailand
Kim Kardashian Shooting Selfies Through Thailand

Somebody at E! got a grant from the Thai government to have the Kardashian girls come over and teach all the underaged sex workers how to please foreign men without visible signs of tear. Now more than ever Thailand needs foreign dollars to keep its economy from collapsing. That isn’t coming from Tom Yum soup …

Arianny Celeste In A Bikini
Arianny Celeste In A Bikini

Men give up a lot for women they want to know biblically. They’ll surrender their fortunes, sell out their friends, break up their families. I’ve heard more than one guy say he’d give up his left nuts for a night with some good looking woman. Perhaps a left nut is pretty relatively minor. My adopted …