latest bikini posts

Allie Mason Pops Out
Allie Mason Pops Out

If you’re working a gig where a bald dude barks at you to keep bouncing until your tits fall out of your top, it’s time to consider those new mandated fifteen dollar an hour jobs at McDonald’s. You can’t explain this photo work to your friends and family. Even stepdad who touched you because mom […]

Kylie Jenner More Tits, More Theories
Kylie Jenner More Tits, More Theories

Kylie Jenner took time out of her hectic school day to tan her tits and dip her toes into the conspiracy theories that primarily dwell in the minds of the mumbling homeless and Hollywood celebrities. Jenner chose chemtrails for her dissertation. Chemtrail savants such as Roseanne Barr and Prince believe the U.S. government, the Trilateral […]

Bella Thorne in A Bikini
Bella Thorne in A Bikini

The last great hope of the Thorne family of stage girls is this redhead line reader. Her Disney bio age is seventeen which makes her a Dominican shortstop prospect age fifteen, or both about twenty-four in rotations around the sun. She made the cut this year for the Joel Silver Memorial Day house party. She […]

Kate Hudson Gets the Memorial Day Nod
Kate Hudson Gets the Memorial Day Nod

Each Memorial Day Joel Silver gathers all the cool names in show business to hang out at his place in Malibu and pretend they’re not wishing each other dead with the pox. You have to go if you’re invited since Joel Silver runs a shit ton of movies and TV shows. It’s also a chance […]

Rumer Willis Winner's Ass
Rumer Willis Winner’s Ass

Victory in that TV dancing show has brought clarity of purpose to Rumer Willis. This triumphant post of her tight bikini backside is the perfect statement that you don’t have to be good at everything. Can you dance and do you have a nice ass? Accentuate the positive. Turn that invisible fence shock collar up […]

Marko Jaric Soaks His Tired Weiner
Marko Jaric Soaks His Tired Weiner

Here’s why you might want to be a professional athlete instead of a nuclear scientist or a Dairy Queen Assistant Manager. I’ve been one of those. The tail is to die for. Marko Jaric and his six year NBA career was the definition of ho hum. He bounced between teams once they realized he was vastly […]

Kylie Jenner Comfortable In Her Skin
Kylie Jenner Comfortable In Her Skin

Kylie Jenner’s people had the bright idea to deflect attention away from her statutory rapey relationship with rapper Tyga by spending the holiday weekend posting pictures of her presumably studying for finals. It’s pretty crass to accuse a seventeen year old of using sex to spin the conversation away from sex, but there’s no single […]

Jessica Alba In Swimsuits
Jessica Alba In Swimsuits

Jessica Alba might be making one point eleven billion dollars from selling diapers made by Guatemalan castratos fostered in hermetically sealed bubbles, but deep down she understands how the Good Lord truly blessed her. It’s a sin to hide your tits when the angels brought them forward in eco-friendly chariots. Slip into a Spandex one […]

Ela Rose in A Bikini
Ela Rose in A Bikini

I’ve decided to surrender to these water monkeys shooting their thrice daily bikinis shoots in Malibu. What have you done to give a man a boner today? If you actually have an answer, keep it to yourself. Killer cult, drought lawn watering snitches, bandwagon hockey fans, I don’t give a shit. They’re doing something close […]

Pamela Anderson Seems Concerned
Pamela Anderson Seems Concerned

The wide eyed animal lovers at PETA are pushing a line that cows are water hugging motherfuckers who will be the parched death of us all. I don’t know if that’s true. I feel confident I could take out a cow if it came down to me versus bovine for the final watering hole. During […]

Lindsay Lohan Freezes (VIDEO)
Lindsay Lohan Freezes (VIDEO)

Lindsay Lohan took time from her lazy sprint to complete her community service hours to hit the cryogenic tanks in New York. Cryogenic therapy involves shoving rich white people into a -180 degree tube until their bodies start releasing endorphins in an attempt to finally feel happy before death. It’s unclear what Lindsay thought happens […]

Gwyneth Paltrow All Good
Gwyneth Paltrow All Good

Gwyneth Paltrow has been declared a guru of health despite having pretty much of all her tonics and colonics and health regimens debunked by science as pure enrichment programs. She’s Dr. Oz if you wanted to hate fuck Dr. Oz. For those of you who do, you’ll really super get that analogy. I heard two women […]

Sienna Miller in A Bikini in Cannes
Sienna Miller in A Bikini in Cannes

Sienna Miller was in a Clint Eastwood movie last year but that didn’t disqualify her from being named a panelist on the jury of the Cannes Film Festival. In that role, she will have to pretend to watch twenty-seven tiresome films, at least half of which will involve an Iranian girl losing her only pair […]

Marissa Everhart in A Bikini
Marissa Everhart in A Bikini

Five minutes into the future this chick with a slender waist and the willingness to pour bottled foreign tap water on her balloon sized tits won’t be working again. She’s the old version of beauty. She probably eats snap peas and piloxes at the gym. Fuck her. She knows nothing of the struggle. My boner is just […]

Nicole Murphy Wants Her Money Back
Nicole Murphy Wants Her Money Back

Nicole Murphy isn’t just a forty-seven year old who shouldn’t be doing bikini photo shoots any more, she’s a woman on a mission to punish a con-man who swindled her out of $7 million in Eddie Murphy divorce money. She’s set to testify in the trial soon of some guy who told her he was […]

Angelique Morgan And Ana Braga in Bikinis
Angelique Morgan And Ana Braga in Bikinis

There’s a social theory that like minded individuals will eventually seek each other out and coalesce into groups. Craigslist has expedited this process with their Metrosexual Males Married to Kendra Wilkinson Seeking Curious Tranny Bottoms Into Tennis personals sections. You can type in the four most secretly shameful things about yourself and be connected to a […]

Scarlett Johansson Perfect Greek Body
Scarlett Johansson Perfect Greek Body

Taking a respite from their obsession with all things cock, the ancient Greeks invented what they referred to as the golden ratio of the female body based on tit to waist to hip measurements. It’s like the old 36-24-26 bit but with real math that makes it less fun. A British lingerie company ran a […]

Kendall Jenner In A Bikini
Kendall Jenner In A Bikini

From the looks of her mid-Tuesday social media shares, Kendall Jenner is in school just like her sister. This would be some college, home schooled by Cervantes, the foreign-born meister responsible for the academic upbringing of the Kardashians. He also scores them diet pills. He’s the guy behind the guy who’s fucking all the girls. […]

Caya Hefner Pours Water on Her Tits
Caya Hefner Pours Water on Her Tits

Here’s everything I know about Caya Hefner. She’s married to Hugh Hefner’s brother fifty years her senior and she’s got Bruce Jenner’s Asian dream snatch between her legs. Keith Hefner is the Cooper Manning of the Hefner family. You might want to look that up. Imagine this chick’s slack-jaw when her consulate translator informed her she’d married […]

Charlotte McKinney Bites Kate Upton
Charlotte McKinney Bites Kate Upton

This blond chick has enormous tubes, doesn’t whine about how she’s perceived by her family priest, and works at pennies on the dollar. If she can giggle submissively while Justin Verlander finishes on her shoulder, the world would have no need for Kate Upton. It sucks to be obsolete. Ask those fast food workers after […]

Devin Brugman And Natasha Oakley in Bikinis
Devin Brugman And Natasha Oakley in Bikinis

No kid in second grade announces they want to grow up to have a nice ass in a thong and make men jerk themselves into some very poor decisions, which is why teachers ought to make that decision for them. The Taiwanese start sifting the smart from the not so smart by age nine. The […]

Bradley Cooper Seems All Better
Bradley Cooper Seems All Better

It’s easy to assert that life is unfair when Bradley Cooper dumps his teen model girlfriend and immediately hooks up with Irina Shayk. Easy and true. Equality is a myth conceived by those not fucking Russian supermodels to give meaning to their lives. In the madrassas, they shatter this myth and tell all the boys […]

Robin Thicke Still Diving Into This
Robin Thicke Still Diving Into This

I’m told by an anonymous uninformed source that the judge ruled the Marvin Gaye family copyright lawsuit over Blurred Lines toward the family in part simply because Robin Thicke was such an uncontained douchebag in statements and testimony. The decision to award the family millions for Pharrell and Thicke ripping off their dad’s song will […]

Tara Reid Takes The High Road
Tara Reid Takes The High Road

You spend enough time passed out in a pool of your own waste and you learn a little something called perspective. Last week Elizabeth Banks was interviewed about directing Pitch Perfect 2 and took a totally unprovoked shot at Tara Reid: There was a group of us girls coming up. A lot of us are surviving. […]