latest bikini posts

Selena Gomez in A Bikini
Selena Gomez in A Bikini

There’s a new directive for female celebrities posting online. Social statement or get the fuck out. Gender pay gap, rape culture, and body shaming are the trending three right now.Selena Gomez tap danced into body shaming, posting pictures of herself looking in a bikini and declaring: I love being happy with me yall #theresmoretolove. Adopting black […]

Coco and Sister Lock Pubes
Coco and Sister Lock Pubes

I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be aroused by this flesh formation or bring it to New York in chains for an open air circus that wildly threatens public safety. I have to admire the sister on the bottom for her strength and steadiness. Also her willingness to contract crabs. This routine is one […]

Irina Shayk Oiled Up
Irina Shayk Oiled Up

I’m certain some fancy marketing program at one of those higher learning institutions will tell you selling eyewear is complicated and ask you for $100K to crack the code, but it really is just a Russian model with swell tits greased up like a 5’10″ vagina. Why would you not want those same glasses? You […]

Kathy Ferreiro Wants To Be the Cuban Kim Kardashian
Kathy Ferreiro Wants To Be the Cuban Kim Kardashian

You can’t just pick up Derek Jeter’s glove and become a Hall of Fame shortstop. Neither can you inject your ass with seventeen pounds of suet and anoint yourself the next Kim Kardashian. Being a midget with a ginormous fake ass alone doesn’t make you heir to the iron whore throne. It’s what’s on the […]

Stefanie Knight Topless On Purpose
Stefanie Knight Topless On Purpose

The Manson family running this bottled water ruse is prolific. Most people with creepy intent are just plain lazy. Uncle Terry slaps his tallywacker against a Ukrainian girl’s face and he needs to slumber for a month. You find your Type-A ambitious folks with a penchant for getting girls to take their tops off and […]

Charlie Riina Bikini Doesn't Fit
Charlie Riina Bikini Doesn’t Fit

Charlie Riina’s nipples make me feel good about America. Some day blonde haired chicks with big ole fake titties falling out of bikinis won’t dominate the collective world dick, but not today. You can’t get this high level shit on the streets of Beijing. Let the politically correct domestics run amok and the foreign terrorists […]

Helena Christensen Topless
Helena Christensen Topless

Staring at this supermodel’s tits at forty-seven or so I have a hint as to why she isn’t online complaining about shit. When good fortune strikes, some people inherently know to shut the fuck up. Others feel the need to do poor people food challenges or bitch incessantly online about causes greater than themselves that […]

Lady Gaga and Yale to Help Teens Emote
Lady Gaga and Yale to Help Teens Emote

Lady Gaga got wicked fucking high and decided that healthy emotional expression in the high school classroom would be her new grail quest. Gaga is teaming up with Yale University where her music is still played by many in the theater department to survey high school students over their emotional experiences in school and how […]

Patrick Schwarzenegger and Bella Thorne Evening Out
Patrick Schwarzenegger and Bella Thorne Evening Out

Bella Thorne, who is either seventeen or thirty-five depending on how you read her jimmied up Hawaiian birth certificate, is the latest chick to be out to dinner with the Patrick Schwarzengger. The lithesome USC undergrad is supposed to be sworn in body and bacterial stew to Miley Cyrus but he seems to be captured […]

Sarah Stage Pregnant With Abs
Sarah Stage Pregnant With Abs

When you’re feral and roaming the wasteland and an outlander from across the great sea asks you when the apocalypse began, remind them of the time that model chick started posting her third trimester six pack pregnancy abs on Instagram. Millions of large pregnant women sucking on cliches about eating cheesecake for two went into […]

Kylie Jenner Feels Up Her Sister (VIDEO)
Kylie Jenner Feels Up Her Sister (VIDEO)

Somebody who counts the money decided it was time to get Kylie Jenner working the Snapchat pole. The teen reality star with the ‘some sixth grade’ education used her first snap video to film herself putting her hand down her sister Kendall’s pants. This is either obscene or by far the best fifteen seconds the […]

LeAnn Rimes Posts Bikini Photos
LeAnn Rimes Posts Bikini Photos

LeAnn Rimes shared vacation photos of herself and her topless husband as part of her check-in process so people stop calling the cops over to her place to check on her mental state. Social media gives a massive damn about who you’re dating and what nail polish you’re wearing when you’re eighteen and have a […]

Natasha Oakley And Devin Brugman in Bikinis
Natasha Oakley And Devin Brugman in Bikinis

Men with sick jobs still feel the need to bitch about their work. Like pro ballplayers who whine about stress and travel and sore knees. Fuck you and the twins not your wife blowing you in your Bentley. Women never complain about their professional good fortune. They inherently understand what comes with making a living […]

Charlie Riina in A Thong
Charlie Riina in A Thong

I give up, that’s just poetry right there. Nobody is buying this water, but sticking anything next to a good looking girl’s tight ass is still the best way to sell shit. It’s not a four dollar bottle of tap water, it’s your cock, if you pay the four dollars. This girl’s bottom is what […]

Doutzen Kroes And Bethenny Frankel in A Bikini
Doutzen Kroes And Bethenny Frankel in A Bikini

Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes met up with the Bethenny Frankel skinny Ms. Potato head attachment figure and whispered in her ear, if I look like you do in fifteen years, I’m going to kill myself. Frankel agreed, then squeezed her ass cheeks to activate the hydraulic pumps that tighten the lifelike skin sheaths across […]

Tara Reid Sinking, DJs Be Inking
Tara Reid Sinking, DJs Be Inking

Shortly after Tara Reid bared her sloppy ass flesh to the Miami jet setters, the thespian boarded a flight back to L.A. where she got wasted, met a kid who claimed to be a DJ, got him wasted, landed, and escorted him to a tattoo parlor to get her name inked on his forearm for […]

Tetyana Veryovkina in A Bikini
Tetyana Veryovkina in A Bikini

I can’t pronounce this chick’s name, but I know I’m ready to ace the ICE interview so I can earn her her green card. We’ve been dating since we met at the Learning Annex. She coos when I nibble on her Chernobyl toe. He favorite food is squash, baked, not boiled. Her mother is a […]

Kylie Jenner Not Riding Scott Disick
Kylie Jenner Not Riding Scott Disick

Somebody spread a rumor that Scott Disik was banging one or both of the Jenner girls. Probably mom. He’s white, so they might be market testing a new angle. Also, he’s the only heterosexual male within ten miles of the family so it’s not illogical. Plus, he drinks. If it boosted ratings they’d probably order […]

Angela Simmons in a Bikini
Angela Simmons in a Bikini

I don’t know what the fuck Angela Simmons does during the days. It doesn’t matter. She’s got 1.9 million followers on Instagram that want to see her latest adorable hat selection and her naturally large ass in a bikini bottom. Going back to high school reunions is so much easier in the era of social […]

Ana Braga Boob Shake On Instagram (VIDEO)
Ana Braga Boob Shake On Instagram (VIDEO)

This feels pretty half-assed. It’s not like we demanded this Brazilian chick selfie her tits bouncing up and down like a Christmas window display for grown men. The circus invites you. Every time Ringling Brothers used to parade through our town they’d yell out, we invite you. The elephants formed a small pyramid or they […]

Amber Rose Figured It Out
Amber Rose Figured It Out

It’s easy to mock chicks who wage personal battles by means of naked photos and tons of Photoshop. What weapons are they supposed to select from the jousting shed? Rhetorically sharp Lincoln-Douglas stump style debates? No, you dance with the tits that brung you. Or the ass with the cheesy pocks cloned out for increased […]

Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady Vacation Like You and Me
Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady Vacation Like You and Me

Gisele and Tom Brady own a solid chunk of Coastal Central America now. They orange oiled out all the annoying monkeys so their childcare staff would be safe from rabies. They might also be re-animating fossilized dinosaur bones. You can do stupid shit when you’re filthy rich and you have six months off each year. […]

Kylie Jenner Is Not to Be Taken Lightly
Kylie Jenner Is Not to Be Taken Lightly

Kylie Jenner’s home schooling by way of a distance GED program in Costa Rica allows her time for reflection and soul searching that many girls her age simply can’t afford. Also, Instagram battles. When the bitch your old man knocked up previous to you starts getting big flashing her diamond encrusted bling from your man […]

Cody Simpson And Gigi Hadid Naked Young Hollywood
Cody Simpson And Gigi Hadid Naked Young Hollywood

Imagine if getting laid wasn’t something you had to work your ass off for, but merely a by-product of your job. You’d stamp out end of shift and a couple Victoria’s Secret models would be rubbing their mons pubis through their shorts asking if they could see the warehouse. Then they’d let you know that […]