latest bikini posts

Nadeea Vollanova Seems Old Fashioned
Nadeea Vollanova Seems Old Fashioned

The theme of today seems to be young women with a career plan. I don’t like themes, if I were picking themes I wouldn’t choose that, but just seems to be how it’s turning out. This Russian singer slash red carpet photo bomber slash human wrestling turnbuckle just got plain about it in the streets […]

MTV Thinks You're Stupid, You Probably Are
MTV Thinks You’re Stupid, You Probably Are

Sparked by silent outrage over how horribly staged Teen Mom was, MTV is banking on the fact that you’ll miss how horribly staged their ‘open book’ Teen Mom OG sequel series is. For the sake of their twin masters of Satan and the almighty dollar, MTV reassembled the original gang of chromosomally challenged teen moms […]

Ruby Palm Washes A Car
Ruby Palm Washes A Car

Damn these death water merchants are prolific. This chick I believe they found stocking shelves at the packy around the corner, handed her a pink thong and fifty bucks, and told her her motivation was she’s being raped, but in the fun way. In case you’re wondering, you could hook this same situation up on […]

Gabi Grecko Is America
Gabi Grecko Is America

Whoring used to be a surreptitious profession. Girls had cover jobs like waitress or Macy’s makeup counter associate and you wondered how they could afford an Audi. Maybe their daddy was rich or they lost a lung as a child from elementary school asbestos and had a trust fund. You didn’t go straight to whore. […]

Priscilla Salerno Topless Spill in the Atlantic
Priscilla Salerno Topless Spill in the Atlantic

In Italy, they call their porn stars ‘erotic models’. I find that a bit more dignified. My grandfather used to call bourbon his ‘medicine’ and the meter maid’s cars say ‘parking services’ on the side. Names are important. For instance, the precise names of the bacteria this Italian erotic model is leeching into U.S. coastal […]

Kat Torres Surfs In A Thong Suit
Kat Torres Surfs In A Thong Suit

This chick is often modeling for that insidious bottled water company, but I don’t see any overpriced style water within an eyeshot of her ass I keep virtually molesting. Perhaps she’s now just posing on the beach for the love of humanity. Or finding a reasonably well off man to pay for her to finish […]

Bethenny Frankel in A Bikini
Bethenny Frankel in A Bikini

I don’t know how they keep this chick together. Tricorder readings show mostly shellac and Bondo. At some point there won’t be any human parts left and she’ll turn completely to the dark side. Which I think means more recipes for summer salads tossed with an unfrozen embryo vinagrette. Someday, we’ll all be having sex […]

Fetish Art Giant Bella Thorne And Katie Cassidy
Fetish Art Giant Bella Thorne And Katie Cassidy

I don’t know why this amuses me so. This dude Photoshops images of young Hollywood chicks as godzillas coming ashore to terrorize the puny humans. I don’t know if this is a commentary on the over-emphasized power of celebrity or just a chance to imagine a four story tall vagina where Ellen summers. It’s a […]

Morgan Osman And Chantel Jeffries In Bikinis
Morgan Osman And Chantel Jeffries In Bikinis

There’s some kind of social theory that explains how people with like minds eventually find each other even in bustling metropolises. It’s an insect level and up innate instinct to bond into common interest packs. This is one chick from the Bad Girls Club which runs on VH-1 which I think is still a channel. […]

Sara Sampaio and Romee Strijd Ass Check
Sara Sampaio and Romee Strijd Ass Check

Of all the calls to action at last night’s Oscars, Iñárritu’s speech about respecting immigrants touched me somewhere in my moral center. I’ve decided to start with these two foreign models. They seem like hard workers and solid additions to the multicultural pie. Not all undocumented visitors to this country are tuberculosis carrying unskilled workers […]

Elsa Hosk Going Hard for Employee of the Month
Elsa Hosk Going Hard for Employee of the Month

It’s hard to define that moment when you know you’ve arrived in your profession. For a Victoria’s Secret model it might just be that time you were crawling topless across the sand on all fours. The precise event might vary in your profession. Ask first before you try this. Especially if you work with mating […]

PETA Gets a Head Start
PETA Gets a Head Start

PETA got their protest girls out in London ahead of the upcoming Fashion Week. You’d think it might be tough to find three raggedy chicks with bad teeth in England to hold a PETA sign up over their bare chests, but you’d be wrong. These college girls aren’t as ambitious as the FEMEN protestors who […]

Britney Spears Seems Rather Fit
Britney Spears Seems Rather Fit

Britney Spears looks good. I don’t know how much is Photoshop and how much is real Cajun seasoning. If you’re asking these kinds of questions when stroking one out you’re probably gay. Also, lonely. If you’re thinking about buying her clothes you’re probably both. Though maybe these promo photos are meant for women shoppers. I […]

Amber Rose Grinds (VIDEO)
Amber Rose Grinds (VIDEO)

I’m not a trained lawyer or skilled in any manner, but I’d still advise anyone going through a custody battle to head down to Trinidad and Tobago for Mardi Gras and start grinding the shit out of strangers on camera. Judges love that shit. Once his honor sees you gyrate that enormous fake ass onto […]

Kendall Jenner Is Anti-Tattoo
Kendall Jenner Is Anti-Tattoo

When we learned that Kendall Jenner likes salads and shiny objects I was certain we’d tapped the bottom of her revelation well. But this complicated young woman had even more to offer when Allure magazine located the Friends monkey in a dumpster and asked him if he’s pay twenty dollars to see Kendall’s tits up […]

Hannah Davis Dances (VIDEO)
Hannah Davis Dances (VIDEO)

Dance like nobody’s watching, but post to Instagram to make sure they all do. Hannah Davis shared her waxed grunions on the cover of Sports Illustrated. The route between SI cover and female lead in cell phone video with a big named athlete finishing on your shoulder is pretty direct. You don’t need to do […]

Claudia Romani Celebrates Love
Claudia Romani Celebrates Love

The foreign models who live in Miami know how to turn any holiday into a chance to show off their ass and find a love interest with a decent adjusted gross income. Instagram is like their eHarmony. LOL, heart you, oops my ass is showing, I’m twenty, maybe thirty, I’m an independent woman, pay my […]

Padma Lakshmi in A Red Thong Bikini
Padma Lakshmi in A Red Thong Bikini

I was thrown off last week by what appeared to be the tracings of a cock in Padma Lakshmi’s bikini bottom. I still think it’s there, I’ve just gotten a week older and realize I can’t be as particular as I was last Tuesday. That’s how time works. It grinds you down. You can’t stop […]

Kerrie McMahon Topless On Accident
Kerrie McMahon Topless On Accident

On their deathbed, nobody regrets having spent too much time flashing their pert tits. There’s no horror stories about how everybody saw my outstanding perfect boobs and life veered horribly wrong. It’s inevitably a precursor to a story that ends with, and that’s how I met your billionaire granddad and got the alpine mansion in […]

Rihanna Plays Along
Rihanna Plays Along

I don’t envy the magazines that cover celebrities like they’re actual sentient beings. Harper’s Bazaar has a guy at the aquarium who I guess owed them a favor so they let Rihanna snorkel into the circular fish tank and pretended it was a Jacques Cousteau shark-filled ocean adventure. I’m not sure why they insisted on […]

Taylor Swift In A Bikini Playing Queen
Taylor Swift In A Bikini Playing Queen

Taylor Swift continued her baby steps lesbian boat trip with the Haims, the three sisters from the San Fernando Valley who are opening for her on the next leg of her tour. Unlike many music artists who meet their opening acts moments before the curtain goes up on the first tour stop, Taylor prefers to […]