latest bikini posts

Sylvie Meis in A Bikini in Bali
Sylvie Meis in A Bikini in Bali

This chick beat cancer and now she’s living every day traveling the world in the high life. I beat cancer and now allow myself gum with sugar on the weekends. Letting loose is so much easier when you have perfect tits and money. Where’s my lingerie modeling career? It’s cool. I’m just happy other people […]

Hilary Duff in A Bikini
Hilary Duff in A Bikini

Hilary Duff just finalized her divorce from that dude who used to play hockey. She was never able to accept his drinking or or strip club visits or the way he spoke or the fact that he felt breakfast was an important meal or that he played hockey or didn’t like The Wire or breathed […]

Dylan Penn Caught Changing Her Top in Brazil
Dylan Penn Caught Changing Her Top in Brazil

In the long lore of Penn family antics, changing your bikini top on a balcony in Rio isn’t quite up there with using your erect penis to save a child beneath a collapsed building in Haiti, but it’s certainly more adorable. Also it happened. Genetic destinies are a bear. You won the lottery with Sean […]

Kat Torres Flaunting Topless Beach Rules
Kat Torres Flaunting Topless Beach Rules

For ten grand and two hours of squats a day you can get an ass and a pair or tits that will carry you ten times farther than any non-Ivy college degree. Politicians battle over what to give away to young people next to make their problems go away. How about plastic surgery and certificate […]

Candice Swanepoel Ass Smells Like Money
Candice Swanepoel Ass Smells Like Money

When celebrity models get down to the business of explaining their signature perfume lines, it’s like witnessing a third grader in the 1950′s Soviet Union blankly reciting the glory of the State. Candice Swanepoel’s new fragrance for Juicy Couture is based in peony, rose, and amber, with a note of jasmine. This barely edged out lilac, […]

Selena Gomez in A Bikini
Selena Gomez in A Bikini

At some point the music industry will admit that Selena Gomez looks like a 12-year old Tijuana boy hustling both sides of the street. Not today. Not with Photoshop and glitter. If you can curb eighteen inches from around Khloe’s thorax, you can make Selena Gomez look salacious to more than just the local male […]

Tawny Jordan Not in A Bikini
Tawny Jordan Not in A Bikini

If you could invent a job where you texted chicks with big tits to meet you at the beach to take off their tops, would you take it? There’s that awkward first five minutes when you have to mill about making small talk and taking sample clothed photos before that knowing segue into removing your […]

Nausicaa in A Bikini
Nausicaa in A Bikini

If you knew just how fucking cold it is in Malibu this week, you’d realize that this chick deserves a White Oscar for her performance. Glistening breasts and a big broad smile while your body diverts blood flow away from the extremities to the vital organs is Christian Bale type commitment. Next stop, Flint River […]

Aubrey Plaza Thong Peek In
Aubrey Plaza Thong Peek In “Dirty Grandpa”

Every worthwhile moment in Dirty Grandpa centers around about seven seconds of Aubrey Plaza in her underwear. The remainder is a consistently topless Zac Efron and Robert DeNiro making everybody wonder why he didn’t save more money making movies that weren’t super fucking embarrassing. Watching people who were once on top now turning tricks for […]

Courtney Stodden's Mom Falls In Love With Courtney's Old Man
Courtney Stodden’s Mom Falls In Love With Courtney’s Old Man

The Mother Daughter Experiment on Lifetime follows from the never ending line of surgery riddled moms and daughters with substance addictions screaming and crying on camera so that fat women and gay men can have something to talk about on Facebook. It’s unclear how any moral judgement distinguishes this from pornography. You’re either selling the […]

Maitland Ward Renaissance
Maitland Ward Renaissance

Maitland Ward is an example of a TV actress now grown past hiring age realizing they can still make money teasing their tubes on social media and attending niche live events. This is part of that New Economy people have been writing about for twenty years and which I just assumed meant online porn and […]

Ana Braga Cruising Miami
Ana Braga Cruising Miami

Federal employment figures are naturally misleading. Sure you’ve got a job, but it’s riding your bike around Miami in a swimsuit so older men in the street cafes can masturbate into plantain peels. They are the Cuban fleshlights. Ana Braga skin pallor indicates she’s fairly new to the job. Like an Uber driver before their […]

Yolanda Foster Seems Unhealthy
Yolanda Foster Seems Unhealthy

caption: Yolanda Foster with daughters Gigi and Bella at the first ever Global Lyme-Free Gala Yolanda Foster is the Dutch model who married real estate rich guy Mohamed Hadid and made some large number of kids then married music producer rich guy David Foster and then announced she has Lyme disease. In that order. Foster announced her […]

Britney Spears Black Lingerie
Britney Spears Black Lingerie

Britney Spears has been posting dark brooding pictures of herself in in her underwear again. She looks like a bat. Or a crazy person who thinks she’s a bat. This is precisely the kind of evidence her dad uses against her in court to keep the Vegas dollars flowing directly to his PayPal. Something’s about […]

Ann Kathrin Brommel Glistens
Ann Kathrin Brommel Glistens

Soccer players get the world’s best tail. On the whole. This is the young wife of the fey German soccer player who made a name for himself in the last World Cup in Brazil. Mario Gotze. What a plotz. Something nobody says as he bangs his hot skinny oiled down lingerie model wife. Everybody’s pessimistic […]

Nasia Jansen in A Bikini
Nasia Jansen in A Bikini

Ethnically confusing models in bikinis and heels hoisting a promotional product for ten bucks elicit a whirlwind of emotions. Perhaps best explained by the international symbol for pre-cum. Followed by the international symbol for inventing a fake name and a cool fake job. Enrique. I scout models for foreign men with bauxite mining rights. Tell […]

Lia Marie Johnson Has Potential
Lia Marie Johnson Has Potential

In the future everybody sort of pretty with big tits will be famous for about five years. I wish Andy Warhol could’ve lived to see the social media age. Though it would’ve invariably led to him posting lots of dick pics. We used to be able to name people who were super famous for no […]

Kate Hudson Cruising Social Media
Kate Hudson Cruising Social Media

Every six years, Kate Hudson engages a new rock frontman to make a baby with. As an indulged child Kate Hudson threw her gum at a gypsy woman and this is her fate. Someday she will lead her ill gotten offspring up to a volcano in Romania and end the curse. Which sucks for her […]

Jessica Simpson in A Bikini
Jessica Simpson in A Bikini

Jessica Simpson caravanned her entire freeloading family down to that resort in Cabo that puts up celebrities for free provided they pay no attention to the teeny tiny Mexican photographers lining the palm trees. Somebody’s got to sell crappy shmata at Walmart to pay for her own birthday trips. I’d probably drink heavily too. Simpson […]

Lara Stone Bikini Pictures Seems Fuller of Body
Lara Stone Bikini Pictures Seems Fuller of Body

Lara Stone is the European model known for her reckless behavior. Like eating. She’s clearly been doing that. You don’t often see a high priced fashion model with a Freshman fifteen around the gunt. It’s made her tits look spectacular. Vogue can Photoshop the rest out. Stone just got divorced in England where one party […]

Liziane Gutierrez Changes Naked Right There on the Damn Beach
Liziane Gutierrez Changes Naked Right There on the Damn Beach

That funny feeling you get when there’s a random Spanish chick changing her clothes in midday public and you’re certain you’ve seen her somewhere before. This is the groupie allegedly punched in the face by Chris Brown at his Vegas after party for not giving up her cellphone. And the same lovable scamp who ranted […]

GQ Remains In the Closet
GQ Remains In the Closet

GQ used to be more subtle in its emasculation like going with your girl to see Pitch Perfect because you claim it will get you laid or trying on silk shirts thinking it makes you look gangster. The gloves are off. The GQ editorial staff decided they couldn’t just show a Brazilian model in a bikini […]

Kim Zolciak Family Bikini Vacation
Kim Zolciak Family Bikini Vacation

Kim Zolciak went on vacation to re-stock photos of her tits and her teen daughters tits and an occasional peek at her husband who pays for all this shit while making plans to meet his lower maintenance girlfriend. They’re not his kids. Not the grown ones. And the sixteen little ones he’s plowed into this […]

Charlotte McKinney Feels Topless
Charlotte McKinney Feels Topless

I wonder how much preparation goes into a Charlotte McKinney photo shoot. After the lighting and the greasing of the tits. We only had enough for oil for a normal sized woman, but the bottled covered her entire massive hooters. Happy Hanukkah. Are they real is a question you save for the guy selling timepieces […]