latest bikini posts

Vita Sidorkina Wears Bikinis For Victoria's Secret
Vita Sidorkina Wears Bikinis For Victoria’s Secret

Victoria’s Secret went deep into their Ural Mountain finder’s fees for this young Russian model. She’s somewhere in the median age range between barely legal and assistant managers in their Myanmar educational sewing camps. Just knowing Victoria’s Secret might be restocking her panties after use is kind of hot in an epidemiological way. Russian women […]

Colleen Shannon in a Bikini
Colleen Shannon in a Bikini

Jail time looks good on Colleen Shannon. Damn, that ass. I can only imagine how coveted she was in the Sapphic showers of the women’s penitentiary. Two packs of smokes and a case of the pre-expired tampons just to be the one who got to hold her in the full-nelson. If they housed all the […]

Candice Swanepoel Models Bikinis
Candice Swanepoel Models Bikinis

This chick reminds me what a pain in the ass it must be to be a woman shopping for a bikini. I couldn’t buy a bathing suit if I saw one of the Hemsworth brothers modeling them with their abs just prior. Too much fucking pressure to look Thor. Unless you’ve got a body like […]

Lauren Silverman in A Bikini in Barbados
Lauren Silverman in A Bikini in Barbados

I didn’t think Simon Cowell would stick with his buddy’s wife he knocked up for almost a full year now since she shat out his spawn. But there they are in Barbados with the little bastard, her other son from her marriage tucked safely away in boarding school on the most remote islet of Tierra […]

Tetyana Veryovkina Thongs in Miami
Tetyana Veryovkina Thongs in Miami

Why do our immigration plans never account for bringing in more good looking Russian women? If I were Obama I’d get that down home lingo back and haggle some. You give me five million non-inoculated peasants from Central America and I’ll give you one-thousand of the finest looking Russian chicks who call themselves models so […]

Rachel Bilson in a Bikini Top on Some CW Show
Rachel Bilson in a Bikini Top on Some CW Show

I’ve never heard of the Heart of Dixie, but now I must admit I’m interested. It just has to be another wonderful show in the long line of epically wonderful CW shows that the Smithsonian is always trying to get copies of for the underground vaults. Girls in wet bikini tops never hurt the sale […]

Michelle Lewin in A Thong
Michelle Lewin in A Thong

I don’t care how many unattended kids suffocate under the rafts, I’d like to see twenty of these Venezuelan chicks with sub-muscular implants floating around my apartment community pool. It’s perish in Caracas or come and tilt your thong toward the American sun and wait for news that Obama has granted immunity to your six […]

Kayla Swift Has Wet Boobs, That's a Thing
Kayla Swift Has Wet Boobs, That’s a Thing

This chick might only have one pose, but like a Rivera cutter, that might just be enough. Turn back to the left, pour bottled water over your fantastic tits, pretend your dad didn’t want a boy. Wet t-shirt modeling has often been called the world’s most difficult profession. That doesn’t seem right. Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Jehane Paris Sells Bikinis
Jehane Paris Sells Bikinis

I love that chick pose when they glance down at their own ass. There’s something especially enticing there. She’s monitoring her ass you like she’s a drone and it’s a honey distribution center in Yemen. You caress that perfect thing and she might giggle, she might slap you, her French half-brother she used to sleep […]

Nicole Trunfio Topless And Pregnant
Nicole Trunfio Topless And Pregnant

Topless photo shoots when you’re pregnant is the brand new thing, since 1991 when Demi Moore had one of her future drunk daughters in her womb and caused a controversy by showing America where babies come from. Now everybody’s doing it. Chicks are getting knocked up to improve their chances of landing a magazine cover. […]

Jenna Chapple Wets Her T-Shirt
Jenna Chapple Wets Her T-Shirt

I’ll say this for these amazingly creepy and insidious bastards from this water company that hasn’t paid me or anybody I know a god damn cent, they are getting progressively better at their photo shoots. It could be because what began as gigs for semi-employed models has turned into placing sacks over girls heads in […]

FKA Twigs in a Bikini
FKA Twigs in a Bikini

As far as beards go, you could do worse than picking a pubescent looking chick with a childish stage name. Outside of asking for money to go to the mall, she’s mostly going to leave you alone to work on your acoustic guitar riffs and snapchats with Hugh Jackman about the craft. At some point […]

Olivia Wilde Wears A Tiny Bikini
Olivia Wilde Wears A Tiny Bikini

I could see fathering children with Olivia Wilde. I know exactly how it would go down starting with the eliciting of wallowing pity. People talk about sympathy fucks like they’re somehow unworthy of being called sex. Everybody has an agenda for hopping in the sack and if you can count on your insanely handsome good […]

Ela Rose Grabs Her Tits Because That's Marketing
Ela Rose Grabs Her Tits Because That’s Marketing

I’m not sure who the first girl was who agreed to take off her top and hold her own tits for the camera, but add her to the list of unsung heroes throughout history. I’d place her just below the next female player to shank a Division IAA college football field goal and just above […]

Eva Longoria in A White String Bikini
Eva Longoria in A White String Bikini

The sooner you teach your kids that smiling for the public then being a monster in private is the winning formula, the sooner you can assure they aren’t living in their football banner covered rooms at twenty-eight. If animals could speak, you’d hear them giving this same speech to their own offspring before they kicked […]

Nicky Hilton Is Now Boring in a Bikini
Nicky Hilton Is Now Boring in a Bikini

When the answer is Paris Hilton and the question is which Hilton sister got all the charm, you might as well wrist cut your way out of the Jeopardy competition if you’re the other one. There’s an opiated elderly woman in Western China who has barely moved on a porch rocking chair for the past […]

Anastasia Ashley Feels Violated
Anastasia Ashley Feels Violated

Anastasia Ashley’s surfing career mainly consists of shaking her ass in a thong. That’s not a put down. Ashley is quite concerned that some stolen photographer images might surface that show her topless from the front, as opposed to the back and side as promised. Ashley was posing for a photo shoot in Florida for Cheeki underwear with […]

Barbara Fialho in Holiday Lingerie
Barbara Fialho in Holiday Lingerie

Here’s more holiday lingerie in case you wondering exactly what to wear to the office holiday party to get a promotion, or beaten in the copy room by the homophobic members of your marketing department if you’re a dude. Unlike most lingerie models, this chick is also Brazilian. Lingerie modeling and Snow-Cone kiosk sales are […]

Zoe Kravitz in A Bikini
Zoe Kravitz in A Bikini

For an actress always currently in about ten movies, you hardly ever see Zoe Kravity out in public. She seems to be in hiding. Maybe it was all those stories from mom about how if she didn’t go to bed, Uncle Cosby would come and give her something to help her sleep. Even with the […]

Laura Cremaschi in A Bikini
Laura Cremaschi in A Bikini

Sometimes you just need to look at your own tits and say, yep, mama’s got the rent covered this month. Then turn to your tight little ass and announce, and I’m getting a new beemer. Sometimes I’ll talk to my fifteen extra pounds of gut meat and blame it for why only girls who like […]

Michelle Lewin in a Thong
Michelle Lewin in a Thong

Like many other idiots, each Thanksgiving I feel compelled to visit relatives who live in as cold a fucking place as can support some level of human life. The ice age didn’t just sweep over our tropical environs while we were sleeping on a Tuesday night. It took eons. You’ve had fucking eons to move […]

Keke Lindgard Wears Lingerie
Keke Lindgard Wears Lingerie

I can’t think of a more inspiring tale than an attractive surfer chick from Hawaii becoming a professional swimsuit model. This is good news for the hottest girls in tropical island high schools who heretofore saw themselves topping out as a Luke or Owen Wilson future baby mama. The deck has always been stacked against […]

Irina Shayk Wears Bikinis
Irina Shayk Wears Bikinis

I don’t know why the world needs 837 women’s swimwear lines. They’re all using the same models to sell the same bikinis that look fucking amazing if you’re a supermodel, slightly less so for a soccer mom from New Brunswick who thinks skipping dessert provides muscle tone. The toddler workers of Papau New Guinea can […]

Ela Rose Is Water Incarnate
Ela Rose Is Water Incarnate

This never ending water company chorus line is still your best shot to move from Carl’s Jr. cute fry girl to hey, I have 45,000 men who masturbate to me on Twitter, let me work your car show status. If you get that shot, why not let your tits fall into frame. It’s like Kaepernick […]