latest bikini posts

Angela Simmons in a Bikini
Angela Simmons in a Bikini

I don’t know what the fuck Angela Simmons does during the days. It doesn’t matter. She’s got 1.9 million followers on Instagram that want to see her latest adorable hat selection and her naturally large ass in a bikini bottom. Going back to high school reunions is so much easier in the era of social […]

Ana Braga Boob Shake On Instagram (VIDEO)
Ana Braga Boob Shake On Instagram (VIDEO)

This feels pretty half-assed. It’s not like we demanded this Brazilian chick selfie her tits bouncing up and down like a Christmas window display for grown men. The circus invites you. Every time Ringling Brothers used to parade through our town they’d yell out, we invite you. The elephants formed a small pyramid or they […]

Amber Rose Figured It Out
Amber Rose Figured It Out

It’s easy to mock chicks who wage personal battles by means of naked photos and tons of Photoshop. What weapons are they supposed to select from the jousting shed? Rhetorically sharp Lincoln-Douglas stump style debates? No, you dance with the tits that brung you. Or the ass with the cheesy pocks cloned out for increased […]

Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady Vacation Like You and Me
Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady Vacation Like You and Me

Gisele and Tom Brady own a solid chunk of Coastal Central America now. They orange oiled out all the annoying monkeys so their childcare staff would be safe from rabies. They might also be re-animating fossilized dinosaur bones. You can do stupid shit when you’re filthy rich and you have six months off each year. […]

Kylie Jenner Is Not to Be Taken Lightly
Kylie Jenner Is Not to Be Taken Lightly

Kylie Jenner’s home schooling by way of a distance GED program in Costa Rica allows her time for reflection and soul searching that many girls her age simply can’t afford. Also, Instagram battles. When the bitch your old man knocked up previous to you starts getting big flashing her diamond encrusted bling from your man […]

Cody Simpson And Gigi Hadid Naked Young Hollywood
Cody Simpson And Gigi Hadid Naked Young Hollywood

Imagine if getting laid wasn’t something you had to work your ass off for, but merely a by-product of your job. You’d stamp out end of shift and a couple Victoria’s Secret models would be rubbing their mons pubis through their shorts asking if they could see the warehouse. Then they’d let you know that […]

Anna Sophia Berglund Bikini Top Comes Undone
Anna Sophia Berglund Bikini Top Comes Undone

Back in the day, guys used to snag girls’ bikinis in the water. That was when we didn’t realize we were actively promoting the rape culture. Re-education camps and Rolling Stone articles without proper sourcing have trained us to be better. Now I routinely march to have boys caught during panty raids chemically castrated. Unless […]

Claudia Jordan in A Bikini
Claudia Jordan in A Bikini

I mostly remember this chick from Deal or No Deal, the show you watched just waiting for Howie Mandel to bring a gun and start mowing people down suitcase holders to terminate their microbial afflictions. She’s also now on one of those Real Housewives shows even though she’s not a housewife, a wife, or real […]

Miley's Fans Threaten Every Girl Patrick Schwarzenegger Has Ever Touched
Miley’s Fans Threaten Every Girl Patrick Schwarzenegger Has Ever Touched

Patrick Schwarzenegger doesn’t look much like his dad, maybe if his dad had taken multivitamins and tap classes instead of steroid doping and military presses. Still, you’d best look out for a dude whose dad fucked everything with a heartbeat and a hairnet during his marriage to mom. Earlier this week, the Schwarzenegger kid who […]

Rachel Hilbert in A Bikini
Rachel Hilbert in A Bikini

Victoria’s Secret models don’t know exactly what to do when the cage door is left open. Free will is not their friend. Inevitably they spend their personal time running back and forth across the beach in their bikinis. Never too far from their bowls of milk or their chew kimonos. Everybody wants an incredible ass but nobody quite […]

Naked Chef Jenn Gets It In the Kitchen (VIDEO)
Naked Chef Jenn Gets It In the Kitchen (VIDEO)

Eventually, all visual media whittles down to the ability to see naked chicks doing stuff. Maybe this will change if we ever get girls to start pursuing engineering degrees like they pretend to do in the college promos run during NCAA sporting events. This chick in Argentina gets the basic principle. She started filming videos […]

Jessica Lowndes in A Bikini
Jessica Lowndes in A Bikini

This chick has almost twenty TV show acting credits and I can’t say I’ve ever seen her before. I’d bump her to the front of the line for anything I was casting. It’s impossible to go wrong with an actress with a sweet rack and nice ass. People can hate the show and all they’ll […]

Stella Maxwell In Lingerie And Bikinis
Stella Maxwell In Lingerie And Bikinis

Victoria’s Secret now owns or rents twenty thousand of the world’s best looking women under 25. They enter some characteristics, hair color, measurements, willingness to wade in crap infested water, push a button on the Stargate, and out pops some chick from some foreign land with a work visa and three tampons ready to work […]

Anna Faris' Husband Makes Her Feel Sexy
Anna Faris’ Husband Makes Her Feel Sexy

Anna Faris is under professional pressure to be more of the glamorous type Hollywood star. She’s refusing to ditch her sweatpants and makeup free look, leaving her reps to gently remind her that she’s not nailing down gigs because she’s the next Dame Judy Dench. If you thought women running Hollywood was going to mean […]

Priscilla Salerno Will Not Accept Tan Lines
Priscilla Salerno Will Not Accept Tan Lines

This Italian adult actress is the first chick with an IMDB starmeter rating to visit the beach sans protective sun gear since the mid-nineties. Melanoma obsessed celebrities compliment each other on the pallor of their skin at anti-vaccination meetings in the party rooms at vegan bakeries. Oh, get out, I do not look more Casper […]

Hethielly Beck Seems Ready
Hethielly Beck Seems Ready

As far as bathing suits go, I have to give this girl a Russian judge eight. If she’s trapped in a fire and finds her beachwear soldered to her skin, I’ll deduct a couple points on execution. I do have to ding her on candidness. When the lightly employed dude with the Canon says pretend […]

Courtney Stodden in A Tiny Bikini
Courtney Stodden in A Tiny Bikini

I must admit, when I don’t see or hear from somebody like Courtney Stodden for a while, I just assume they’re dead. It’s not mean, just expedient. If they show up again then I’m pleasantly surprised. Great, you’re still here. And how’s your jealous older boyfriend with the gun collection? If not, I’m prepared with […]

Justin Bieber Is Back
Justin Bieber Is Back

There’s no more loathsome bore than a recovering addict. Sharing is not absolution and I don’t want your amends. Just go away and come back when you’re wasted Tommy again. Thomas the Sober is a relentless asshole. I feel the same way about Justin Bieber. That whole he’s found religion and grown up nonsense was […]

Gigi Hadid Is The Braless Face Of Guess
Gigi Hadid Is The Braless Face Of Guess

While her mom lay illiterate from bacterial infection, Gigi Hadid is not slowing down. If lyme disease teaches you anything, it’s that fate can snap you like a twig any time it chooses. Modeling careers have the lifespan of a Oaxacan hooker who witnessed a Mexican Drug Lord having gay sex. You grab the reins […]

Tallulah Willis Joins Willis Tit Parade
Tallulah Willis Joins Willis Tit Parade

I can’t remember which Wilis sister this is, but you put a Whip-It gun in her right hand and a 20-year old cock in her left and she’s the spitting image of her mother. Tallulah’s joined the family vocation of shaving her head and showing her tits off on social media. This isn’t for every […]

Ana Braga in A Bikini
Ana Braga in A Bikini

When I see a Brazilian girl with bleached blond hair I see a woman willing to take chances. Like straddling a Miami public restroom toilet without a disposable sanitary seat cover. There are still plenty of women in this world up for anything. Not everybody is penning an unpaid blog for HuffPo on relationship fails […]

Carmen Electra in a Bikini
Carmen Electra in a Bikini

Any time Carmen Electra posts bikini pictures of herself, the media raves about how she looks as good as she did in her Baywatch days in the late 90′s. It’s a tacit reminder about how she hasn’t worked in seventeen years. I’d rather look shitty and have people talk about how I must look shitty […]

Claudia Romani Ditches Her Bikini Top
Claudia Romani Ditches Her Bikini Top

As a general rule, an onshore breeze negates the ability of cameras to capture clear images of topless women. Plus the salty spray tickles your nips. It’s a solid plan when you want to be seen, but save something for the rich guy who you will marry, convince to buy a power boat, and recite […]

Justin Bieber Enters Adulthood
Justin Bieber Enters Adulthood

I don’t care if Justin Bieber devotes the remainder of his life to sweeping up leper skin in Calcutta, dudes who insist on being topless will never be saints, just douchebags. I’m talking to you, jogger for whom a t-shirt was adversely affecting your time around the block. Bieber celebrated his 21st birthday by doing […]