latest bikini posts
I once lost my swimsuit at the shoreline to an unexpected wave. I don’t remember a frenzy of photographers trying to take my picture. Just a mother reassuring her crying young daughter that the man she would someday marry would be much larger. The entire experience was quite humiliating. I have a feeling Brazilian model …
I have this buddy who dates lots of models. Let’s call him Chad, even though his real name is Mark. Chad likes to bitch about how boring and self-absorbed these models are. We like to punch Chad and call him a homo and then ironically beg him for tales of crazy sex with these models …
Olivia Munn photographs well. You can’t see any of the circle or bags or other such shit she’s acquired since leaving G4 and venturing out into the world of mostly really terrible movies and network television. Can’t blame a girl for wanting to get paid. Check out Esquire magazine if you want to pretend to …
Michelle Heaton is a British pop singer, on the off chance you’re not a teenage girl, or British, or the guy catfishing me on Gchat who pretends to be a British teenage girl. He’s really good. She also has that same mutated gene Angelina Jolie does. And she also cut off her boobs, just last …
I remain convinced that watching any show on Bravo! or E! will send even the straightest of men marching toward a truck stop glory hole to discover the fabulous world of cock. Maybe you were born that way, and Tabitha Takes Over merely unleashed the real you, but I’m not taking any chances. Which is …
These blurry photos of Tori Spelling’s ass were actually shot from about a few feet away. Her father Aaron spent the vast measure of his T.J. Hooker fortune before he died building a super force field around his daughter to prevent people from gathering clear looks at her. It was truly his last effort to …
At this point I’m pretty much just posting pictures of model Petra Benova because she wrote me a letter saying I was a jerk and how much she hated me. It did get a bit misty as it reminded me of the last birthday card my mom sent me where she bastardized the Hallmark greeting …
I’m a curious guy who loves his marine biology. If I see a giant tattooed fish with enormous tits taking pictures of itself at the ocean’s edge, I’ve got to know more about it. Turns out to be Latina porn star Kiara Mia. she makes films centered around themes important to the Hispanic community. Also …
It’s hard not to feel bad for Courtney Robertson after her staged engagement to The Bachelor fell apart a few days ahead of schedule. It’s not easy being a hybrid reality star where only most of your world is completely pre-programmed. That leaves a lot of room for the unpredictable. Like the public announcement that …
Only important people get phone calls at the beach. When I’m by the water, I’m usually there with the one or two people who might call me anyhow, so if the phone rings, it’s usually somebody with a harsh accent asking where Effram is. If I knew where Effram was, half my cell phone calls …
The thing about my older woman fetish is that it’s getting tougher to find worthy imaginary girlfriends the older I get. When you’re fifteen, every woman in your sphere is an older honey. You can violate yourself thinking of a teacher, your dental hygienist, or the mom from Who’s The Boss. But you get a …
Nikki Leigh is a Playboy Playmate, a moniker that stays with you for life. Sort of like herpes, except you don’t want that for life, unless maybe you got it from long rounds of sexually deviant pursuits with Nikki Leigh. In which case, you’ve got what some would call ‘acceptable losses’. Here’s Nikki modeling in …
I’m sure there’s a good reason why celebrity fitness instructor Jennifer Nicole Lee is pouring water over her chest. I’m sure I don’t care to know why. When girls desperately seek attention, you ought just give it to them. Especially when it involves wet boobs. Just STFU and thank the Good Lord for what he …
Guys have some strange fascination with short girls. There’s some unfounded collective belief that all short girls are somehow gymnastically inclined nymphomaniac spinners who fly on and off your member like Sandy Duncan in her Peter Pan harness. I once had sex with a shorter gal. She was grumpy as hell and after sex she …
Victoria Silvstedt is a whore. I mean that in the nicest sense of the word. Like, ‘whoa, man, your lady is such a whore’. Or, ‘hey, check out his mom, she’s a world class whore.’ The term is hardly sexist. It can be used as a measure of respect for men too, as in ‘Bobby …
Personally, I could care less about the sexual past of a current girlfriend. Unless it involved animals or dead people or some dude I work with who’s going to give me stupid looks and snickers without me knowing why, I pretty much consider it buried past. Not like I want my girlfriend combing through my …
I can’t think of any reason to share these brand new pictures of model Carmen Ortega with you. I can’t even think of a good reason to explain who she is. You don’t care. You’re looking at her zippers. Or her enormous jugs. Or both. Men’s two greatest attention draws are shiny object and tits. …
Kendall Jenner is finally earning proper for the family. I don’t care if you’re selling Cutco knives or Amway or running Social Security, every pyramid scheme relies on the earners of today. Someday, those bastard kids the older Kardashian hens keep popping out will be working for Kendall in her crew. But, today, Kendall’s the …
Realistically, I’d probably still let her go down on me in a theater. I’m not without my weakness. But, yeah, I don’t feel it anymore when she runs her nails down the back of the guy at the Marie Callender’s pie counter to get a bigger slice. There’s nothing worse than a chunky vegan. Here’s …
I bet Claudia Romani likes men with a sense of humor. Hot women always say they love guys with a sense of humor, then they end up mounting the most humorless self-absorbed good looking prick they can find. It’s always disappointing to learn that when given options, women behave just like men. Here’s Claudia Romani …
Victoria Secret model Doutzen Kroes was spotted at the beach over the weekend in Miami. And by ‘spotted’ I mean she was posing for photographers and making a big ruckus so that everybody looked at her. My god her ass is terrific. I’m surprised too; you usually wouldn’t expect that from someone whose entire career …
Shayne Lamas once plead guilty to charges of being ‘wet reckless’. That’s a rare penal code violation reserved for rich kids who convince judges that a DUI conviction is just too harsh for a connected celebrity with big tits. I know, wet reckless should mean something much cooler for a Lamas girl. It helps too …
Vida Guerra has made an entire career out of having a hot ass. Outside of maybe inventing the cure for cancer, I can’t think of a more noble professional pedigree. And even then alone with just buddies, we’d probably agree that Vida’s accomplishments were more important to us that Nobel Prize winning cancer curing dude. …
Girls get incredibly more fun when you take them somewhere far away. Rachel Bilson is the height of annoying modesty when on American soil, but take her offshore to a place like Barbados and suddenly she’s in a tiny bikini running along the beach like an escaped convict. Maybe the Hollywood fishbowl is a type …
