Halloween Remains the Slutty Holiday

Slutty's an overwrought adjective. But how else to describe wearing the sexy version of an eleven year old girl's iconic wardrobe for a party full of drunken men dressed as Donald Trump? read more

370-Pound Man Sues Six Flags For Pool Masturbation Allegations

Amusement parks are the end all be all place to teach your kids that shit gets real out there, and nothing is more real than a 370-pound man jerking his innie in a wave pool in front of his daughter. Allegedly. According to TMZ, A security guard at Six Flags Hurricane... read more

Don't Blow the Phallus Shaped Woodwinds

Nothing could be more benevolent than a humanitarian organization such as "Flutes Across the World". They circulate "peace" decorated school recorders among and between children in hard to pronounce countries around the world. read more

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Dick Pic Gets Kid Show Yanked From Netflix

Creative people almost always find a way to incorporate a small piece of themselves into the things they produce. And that’s fine. As long as that small piece of you isn’t your penis. read more

Female Mad Pooper Continues To Flee From Police Captivity

I love a cool nickname. They always have captivating backstories about their origin. But any woman who tells me she’s been dubbed the “mad pooper” can get none of my attention at the shindig.  read more

Barely Clothed Baristas Fight For Freedom To Still Fill Your Cup

Every man in America has a boner before breakfast and if you happen to live in Washington it's probably because of the coffee. But the last situation I want to see at seven a.m. is a woman with more mustache than me seductively handover my handcrafted microbrew.  read more

Disqus Assisting in Toxic Speech Censorship

Disqus, the leading third party provider of blog commenting systems you see omnipresent on the Internet, has added a "toxicity" feature that will allow site owners to censor comments based upon an AI learned speech or content pattern the site owner finds "toxic" to... read more

Jonathan Rhys Meyers' Wife Shares Insta Dead Unborn Child

Social Media should have never made its way into the hands of people who have owned a CD or known communication outside of emojis. As it stands, Facebook is inundated with funky fifteen-minute pecan pie recipes for the holidays and Oscar-worthy odes to rescue dogs... read more

KFC Heiress Has a Snack Pack for You

Bodies like hers come from the strict abstinence of buckets filled with fried chicken and french fries. So getting involved in lingerie seemed a little more up her avenue than the management of meat.  read more

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Tinder Date Attempts Mission Impossible, Reclaiming A Misplaced Bag Of Her Own Poop

Dating as a teenager has taught me so much. One of the valuable lessons that I've carried with me into my adult life is to never overindulge in unfamiliar food on date with a stranger you plan on sleeping with. It never ends well.  read more

Burning Man Dies

It's never funny when a man burns to death. But it can be slightly amusing. Especially at Burning Man. read more

Crank Candles Double As Dildos

Getting crank past cops requires creativity. But I would like to shake the hand of the man that thought smuggling boxes full of meth dick dildo candles wouldn't raise any questions. read more