Abbey Clancy in a Bikini

I'm going to spend my entire life bitching about soccer being a crappy sport. Meanwhile, all the soccer players will continue to get crazy hot women and not give a shit about people like me bitching about soccer. Jealousy is the closest I'll get to laying on the beach in Maui while I watch the lingerie model I'll be boning that night paddle board in to the shore. Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet [gallery id="3560"]

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Abbey Clancy Paddle Boarding In A Green Bikini In Maui

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Splash [gallery id="3586"]

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Abbey Clancy In A Bikini

I continue to be amazed at the kind of women soccer players pull in regularly. It's probably my American anti-soccer bias, but most of these hands-free athletes seem to be physically engaged to girls who look like top tier baseball player second wives. You know, not the first wives who helped them get through the minor leagues and lived in crappy housing and got knocked up once or twice. I'm talking about the former...

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Abbey Clancy In A Bikini In Dubai

In my next life, I'm coming back as a beautiful woman. Sure, you've got all the pawing and molestations to endure as a child, but you soften that blow with a little Xanax and move on into an adulthood where you can pretty much do whatever the hell you want. Work, don't work. Marry a professional athlete, don't marry. Have kids, don't have kids. Teen through forty the world is going to be your goddamn oyster. I'd...

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We're Not Looking At Your Face, Abbey Clancy

Abbey Clancy was heading to her dance studio this morning, and she was in absolutely no mood for the paparazzi. She covered up her face and clearly expressed her displeasure at being photographed so early, because sometimes a sort-of-famous woman just needs her privacy and doesn't want her every move documented for the all-judging eyes of the public. But then she started getting into her car, and I imagine that more